Advice for wording in an email please..

[CVSFootPowder]

I have a 'friend' who lives abroad and in recent months our friendship has been deteriorating on a weekly basis. It's time to end it.
I've written an email and am happy with much of it, but I need to find a way to say 'I've realised that you actually don't have a clue who I am' that doesn't sound blaming and is a bit more subtle than my wording.
any suggestions please?

[PrincessOfChina]

Not sure why you'd send an email like that unless they've really hurt you.

I'd just say something like "Probably not going to get much chance to be in touch for a while. Life's really buy and I need to prioritise".

[Vivacia]

Why are you sending such an email? Don't unproductive friendships just fizzle out?

[HollyBerryBush]

Can't you just let it slide? I don't understand these termination letters/email/texts. You just let it go. It's all a bit over dramatic and needing to have the last word - unless of course you are hoping for a particularly game of email tennis as the result?

[CVSFootPowder]

She's making digs at me every time we write/talk on the phone....and yet she keeps on emailing me.
I just wanted to write to her and explain that I can't continue the friendship because she no longer understands me, if she ever did in the first place.
I dunno, I've always felt more bothered when people just disappear without explanation.
Is the general consensus that it's better to just ignore others than explain why you can't be friends any longer?

[CVSFootPowder]

Also, if this was a guy I was in a relationship with, wouldn't it have a formal ending? So why are friends considered to be treated differently, ie just ignore them and they'll go away?

[MrsSpagBol]

Say what you said above CVS,

"I can't continue the friendship because she no longer understands me"

[Walkacrossthesand]

I had a friend for years, we rubbed along ok, usually in contact every couple of months or so, though we were very different... She made a remark (dig-type)in an email that rocked me back on my heels, and indicated that she didn't really know me at all. I just didn't know how to reply - so I didn't!! Had a note from her recently saying 'you seem to have disappeared from the radar' ( that's a full 9 months later) and I'm now mulling over what to do - reply with ' busy busy' excuses, or come clean about my reaction to her remark.
Friendships can be tricky cant they . In your situation, if the friend keeps making digs at you, can you pull her up on them, each time, at the time ?

[Vivacia]

After one or two digs, don't you say something?

[A1980]

Just tell her you don't appreciate her making digs at.you every time you speak and then never reply again.

I have an email.friend like this. not even going to reply to her anymore.

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

Or something along the lines of
"I have endured your put downs long enough. Please use someone else."
And then ignore.

But generaly, silence speaks louder. Stop reading her email.

[Vivacia]

Or you could just say, "I was upset when you wrote X. Did you mean to hurt my feelings?".

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Sorry but 'I was upset' and ideas of feelings being hurt, if this person is getting some sort of kick out of being a bully, will be music to their ears. How about turning it back on them... 'I don't know who you are any more and I think it's time we went our separate ways. Don't bother sending me any more mails'

[A1980]

Or just block her email address.

[Vivacia]

It's unlikely you'd let a friendship build up if that's how the other person got their kicks though Cogito.

[Sparrowlegs248]

You could just say that you feel she makes digs out in each email/contact and as far you are concerned, thats not what friends do. She's making you feel bad each time she gets in touch so you'd rather she didn't.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

@Vivacia... I think when the OP said 'she no longer understands me, if she ever did in the first place' that suggests a friendship that has always been a little one-sided. Everyone has at least one Queen Bee, 'frenemy', bossy type in their circle.