Things your parents did that were really 'right'

[looseleaf]

Just wondered to see if anything useful in bringing up our own DC (aged 2&6). Mine are quite obvious really but:

I always felt loved
(mind you I spell this out daily to our DC as it feels right &i was never actually told I was loved but know I was)

Remember my mum helping me with my writing and how special that made me feel. And loved she was always there for us. As was DF who was away more

I had my own pets and doted on them

My mum is an amazing cook and brought us up with great habits eg we only ever drank water and never cared (though I eat far too much rubbish anyway sometimes now)

We were brought up to love books eg had loads at home

And taught languages at a young age (by chance of where we lived but I still appreciate it today!)

[looseleaf]

Also my parents never argued or raised voices really; I only remember one bad argument and it really affected me as they hadn't realised I was awake (was nothing to do with us or anything)

[DeafLeopard]

Always made us feel loved, valued and that nothing was beyond our capability.

[NeverMindOhWell]

"The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother". Can't remember where I got that quote but I love it. My DPs divorced 8 years ago after 30 years together and it still makes me sad today.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think two things shine out for me. One being that my Dad was really good at organising one-on-one time for both me and my brother. It's so important, especially if you have siblings, that you get a bit of exclusive space with parents. The other was a 'you're as good as anyone else/you can do anything if you put your mind to it' attitude that was at odds with a lot of the 'know your place' and 'aim low' rubbish I heard growing up.

[itreallyhappened]

My parents always told me "do your best and that will always be good enough". They always told me they were proud of me and this made me want to do well, but without the pressure

[itreallyhappened]

Oh, and we played endlessly as a family. One of my favourite quotes is "the family that play together stay together" - I believe that to be very true

[calmingtea]

They were always around for me
Unconditional love
Access to lots of activities
Languages
Boundaries
I knew they would never let me down
Freedom
Siblings
Books
Education
Activities as a family - walks, trips
They had a loving and healthy relationship with lots of respect for each other

[lurkingfromhome]

Taught me how to read aged 3, thereby creating in me a passion for books that has utterly enriched my life. Funny, given that neither of them ever reads a book themselves, but they know how it important it is.

Did without so many things so that I could have them. They were not wildly well-off but they funded university completely so that I didn't have to get a part-time job and could focus on studying and getting the most out of the experience. It was all about education in our house. They have utterly suported me all the way and even now I know they still have my back.

Are just so interested in my life. I have never felt either of them is too busy or too distracted or doesn't care. They always want to hear about what DH and I are doing and take pleasure in our experiences.

Provided an excellent model of how a relationship should be. My DF is now 75 so you could argue "of the older generation". He worked full time, DM was SAHM, but he changed my nappies, did my bathtime, put me to bed, did half the housework (in the 1970s, a man happ-ily pushing a hoover around the carpet on a Saturday afternoon can't have been that common). He adores my DM and she him and they treat each other with the utmost love and respect. After 50 years together, they still have a total laugh and love each other's company. What a fine example that set me, and it has influenced the way I see relationships and what I sought in a husband (and what I won't put up with).

[Wildwaterfalls]

A relaxed attitude to sleep. My dad always said: don't worry when you're in bed, just read a good book until you fall asleep. I still do it and never have any problems falling asleep!

[A1980]

Wow I really did have crap parents reading this :(

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

@A1980.... The thread was about the good things our parents did. I'm sure there would be plenty of responses if the question had been about the mistakes they made! It's rather why I try not to obsess too much about being the 'perfect parent'. I realise that, however hard I try, something is going to go wrong along the way.

[looseleaf]

It's true- if I'd asked for the good and bad it would be very different! But very interesting (and uplifting) hearing the positives others felt and I've taken on board the 'you can do anything' attitude as missed out on this / felt what I did didnt particularly matter. I do want DC to feel they can achieve any dreams they might have

[worldgonecrazy]

Dad told me "Wherever you are in the world, if you need help, call me and I will come and get you." Whilst the sentiment may be a little flawed (i.e. access to a phone!) the love and support in that statement gave me a huge amount of courage.

[VulvaVoom]

My DM making the decision to leave my DV Dad when I was 2 years old, can't imagine how much my life would be different if she hadn't.

[catballou]

My mom-threw Christmas parties and invited everyone, every lost soul, single person, vague lonely acquaintance-and everyone got a present off the xmas tree! Instilled in us a love of books....and sleeping under the stars in the summer (we lived in South Africa, and to this day this remains my favourite thing), let us have lots of animals, and always helped any animal in need herself (forever finding stray dogs and bringing them home...) Lots more things, she's a great role model for her grandchildren.

[ExasperatedSigh]

Stayed true friends after getting divorced - there was genuine love and respect between them despite no longer being together.

Talked to us like people (with appropriate boundaries according to our age) instead of assuming they had to talk down to us.

Gave us access to lots of culture - books, music, film, theatre - without any pressure to do or be any particular thing.

Loved us and laughed with us every day.

[downunderdolly]

My parents did lots of 'important things' similar to those described above but I'm always super super misty eyed when I think of this small example and have vowed to do similar with my DS one day.

I was 16. All of my friends at time had boyfriends etc. I was at home on Saturday night with parents being all just read 'On the Road' and wanting adventure and excitement and thinking my home town and parents were to suburban for words. Moaning and my parents asked me well what do you mean, what sort of adventures do you want. I was reading the newspaper and noted it was Chinese NY (we lived about 3 hours from London) and wouldn't it be great if we could go to parade and eat in China town and LIVE. Parents pointed out we were 3 hours away, had school/work the following day. Forgotten, I went to bed.

Parents woke me up at 5am to say get up, we are going to London for Chinese NY....had wonderful day, they treated me like 'grown up', ate in faboo Chinese restaurant, they let me have a glass of wine, and we had a halcyon day. They've gone on to be Grey Nomads (next trip canooeing in Botswana) but at that stage quite conventional and careful with money so it was just so lovely as I felt they LISTENED to me (even though with benefit of hindsight being drama queen 'I'm an adventurous spirit and you are so dull annoying child').

they were (broadly) fab.

x

[blueshoes]

Not getting divorced

[AViewFromTheFridge]

Brushed our teeth until we were about ten - still have great teeth now.

Took parenting incredibly seriously - we always knew we were the absolute priority.

Made fun and excitement out of the smallest of things - treasure hunts with fruit as prizes, baths, walks etc.

Kept us as children for as long as we possibly could - no soaps, games consoles, teen-type films etc.

We have a lot to be thankful for... I should probably tell them! Thanks for the reminder.

[TheresTheDoor]

We always ate around the table every day. Never on laps, and always together as a family.

They always came to school concerts and speech days and parents evenings.

They always involved our grandparents and treated them with love and respect.

We always had books and a library card from when we were very young.

[notso]

Always felt we were loved and still do now.

Told me that in 2000 years time it won't matter, used to wind me up as a teenager but is so true.

Loved each other and always had fun despite being mostly very skint.

Taught us to never stop learning and reading.

Like lurkingfromhome Dad always pulled his weight with the housework, cooking and childcare despite Mum being mostly a SAHM. He always told DSis and I,
"you don't cook and clean with breasts and you don't do DIY with a penis"

They always encouraged us to be independent without forcing us to be.

Made us love music.

Stopped being parents when we grew up, I know they always will be but they don't try and parent me anymore. I really wish DH's parents would do this.

[MrsKwazii]

Always presenting a united front on the big stuff, if you asked one of them for something or if you could do something they'd say to ask the other one, who would when then ask "what did your mum/dad say?"· When told "They said to ask you" they'd promise to come back once they'd talked about it and had reached a joint decision. Bloody infuriating at times, but showed us they were a team and that divide and conquer was not an option

[Salbertina]

Yy, united front

Exposure to books daily, theatre, ballet, travel, music... And (both kinds of) stately homes!

[redbunnyfruitcake]

My mum was always at home waiting for us to come in for school. We always sat and ate a meal together (even if we didn't sit at the table). She was our biggest advocate and would never let us get bullied or bossed around by teachers or other kids at school. She was brave in the face of very difficult circumstances (violent alcoholic father). She did her best even though it might not have been enough at times. She never ran my father down despite being given plenty of reasons to. She stood up for herself when she was being gossiped about by our neighbours.

Writing all that makes me sad that for many years I gave her so much grief about the way she handled our upbringing only to realize now what an exceptional job she did in the face of quite a bit of adversity. Might just ring her in a bit and tell her I love her.

[Juniperberry79]

Taught me to read before I started school, taught me the importance of education, helped with homework and revision and later helped with CV and interview prep. Wouldn't have the successful career I have today without them.

Taught me the value of money, made me do a paper round in the pouring rain, always had to earn my money from a young age. As a result I am now very good with money and never in debt unlike a lot of my friends who were spoilt as kids

Never swore at me / in front of me.