Oh god - this is really jumbled. I'm 37 and my husband is 44. We've been married a year and half, together for sixteen and living together for thirteen years. Ten years ago he split up with me - he told me he didn't love me. He came back a week later telling me he had been wrong - he did love me after all. I forgave him and let him come back on the understanding that he would change his emotionally distant behaviour and stop criticizing me. He didn't. I kept on giving him chances and he kept on treating me like I didn't matter. I can't go into details here, but I gave up my career for him and am now financially dependent on him. I know I was stupid and have only myself to blame but I just couldn't face up to the reality of him not loving me.
Since we got married we have supposedly been trying to conceive (he doesn't fancy me and won't touch me unless I initiate). We had a(nother) fight two nights ago - he was aggressive and borderline violent (we were in bed and he thumped the mattress next to my face). I know he didn't intend to make contact with me - and he didn't - but I'm worried about what this might lead to as it was the second time he has been physically threatening towards me.
This seems to have finally woken me up. Over the last couple of days I've found some short-term volunteering positions abroad that I really want to go for which would give me the choice of either making a real break for it or giving me some space to think while getting back on the career ladder.
If I stay it will be with the knowledge that I am staying because I'm thirty-seven and want a baby. I know that this might sound like I don't love him - I do, but I don't trust him and am now fairly certain that he really doesn't love me. I know that he will leave me eventually. He barely speaks to me and he looks at other women all the time (follows them with his gaze, not just fleeting glances). But this could be my only chance to have a baby. Please help - I'm in a mess.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Should I stay?
11 replies
sunflowertea · 29/05/2013 03:32
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.