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TMI alert. Sex life woes

(8 Posts)
Lostgirl27 Tue 28-May-13 17:54:35

I don't post much on this, more of a lurker but would appreciate some advice or maybe I just need to vent, not too sure.

Been in a relationship for 3 months now and I knew instantly it was love, he feels the same and we have spent pretty much every day together since our first kiss. Sorry if that's a bit sickly but it's true smile

Anyway, I do have self esteem issues which I'm trying to work on and can't figure out if this is just my low self esteem and lack of confidence that is making me feel like this or if my partner just isn't attracted to me anymore hmm surely after just 3 months this shouldn't be the case?

First two months sex was great, he's very attentive and loving, lots of foreplay, touching, caressing ect but lately the past month I'd say, he just doesn't seem interested in my body or making me feel relaxed and turned on, sex is now kinda all about him.

I hate my belly and my thighs but they are not particularly big, just squidgey. Belly is just that of a mother I guess, not toned and kind hanging a bit. But, not any bigger or smaller than what it was when we first met. Im feeling like he doesn't want to touch me now because of this, or is that just in my head??

I've never orgasmed through penetration, only clitoral stimulation and even that takes a while to happen, I also find it quite hard to talk about our sex life and difficult to say what I like or want, to be honest I don't even know what I like or want! I just feel like he can't be bothered trying anymore, am I just too much hard work??

ofmiceandmen Tue 28-May-13 18:19:30


The mans view point (although I do not speak for all men)

Perhaps this is more about communication than it is about "does he or doesn't he" find me attractive anymore.

Have you thought to let him know what actually turns you on? expressed what he was doing right, actually verbalised this? a chap can be slurping away not entirely sure if he is doing it right and sometimes the slight gesture, acknowledgement or re-direction does the trick.
We all work through praise and a man who loves you needs to know that he is pleasing you.
Turn it around- next time just talk through your moments of intimacy- i love it when you do... what do you enjoy... (try not to sound like a radio announcer but you get the drift).

dont be afraid to say, touch me here or there... i think he may actually be super turned on by this (I would).

At the very worst even if the relationship doesn't work you at least get the sort of stimulation and sexual relationship you deserve.

ofmiceandmen Tue 28-May-13 18:24:40

PS- he found YOU (tummy, thighs and all) very attractive in the first 2 months so don't for one second think its about your body.

If he is that shallow, or goes off the boil because he was purely after sex, then he doesn't deserve you!

Lostgirl27 Tue 28-May-13 19:00:46

Thanks so much for replying, I will try what you've suggested. Im running around thinking I need to tone up and buy nicer underwear and really all I need to do is talk ffs.

badinage Tue 28-May-13 19:12:22

Sorry, but you don't know 'instantly that this was love' and neither does he. What you might be coming out of the side of is an infatuation, but it's certainly not 'love'.

If he's stopped bothering to please you during sex after 3 months and is making it all about him, then instead of thinking that it's your body that's the problem, maybe the real issue is that he's a selfish lover who thinks he doesn't need to impress any longer and this relationship isn't going to go the distance?

Thisisaeuphemism Tue 28-May-13 19:38:11

Hmm - I'm with bandinage... You decided you are in love but eight weeks later he is revealing that he is selfish...
It's not your body - it's his character...

Kundry Tue 28-May-13 20:00:42

This could be an early relationship problem where you simply aren't telling him what you need and he isn't a mind reader.

Or he's an idle selfish lover and now he's got you in a relationship, he's showing his true colours and suddenly the sex is all about him. Being kind, he could just be going into old habits and some hinting/communicating from you would improve matters.

If it doesn't then you know he is a git and be thankful you found out so early on.

What's absolutely certain is that the size of your thighs is totally irrelevant.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay Tue 28-May-13 20:22:37

Fast burn romances tend to burn out fast too sad sorry

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