I've lurked around here for a while but not really posted much.
Today has been shit. I got into a stupid row with my husband which ended with him smashing a plant pot (followed with a sarcastic whoops), kicking the bin to pieces and then pushing me onto the stairs - from the bottom not pushing me down them - while I was holding our 13 week old baby.
It's over, it has to be over but I'm so sad. I know how pathetic it sounds but I love him, I just want the nice him who I live with 90% of the time to come home and make it better.
He has some form for emotional abuse (name calling, twisting things, threatening to take my children because I'm mad etc.) and he has occasionally been aggressive in the past (smashing things, punching doors) but this is the first time I've really felt he put his hands on me with malice.
I was stupid because I took his tobacco and wouldn't give it back. So he pushed me when he was trying to take the packet off me but then he twisted my hand /wrist hard enough to hurt me - when I look at it I know what he was doing was hurting me so I'd do what he wanted.
I feel shit because I should have just given it to him. What if the baby had been hurt because I wouldn't just give it to him. I don't know why I did that.
Anyway, I phoned the police and he's left (the police weren't great - they told me it's very stressful having a new baby and maybe I could speak to him tomorrow when everyone had calmed down, they would have arrested him if I'd pushed it I guess but they seemed to think it wasn't a big deal - it is a big deal right?).
I just want some hands to hold as I'm feeling very alone right now. I don't really have any close friends and I'm embarrassed to talk to anyone about it in real life. I feel like such a failure somehow.
Thank you for listening.
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It's over. Hand holding needed.
16 replies
Miniph · 28/05/2013 17:44
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