I've lurked around here for a while but not really posted much.
Today has been shit. I got into a stupid row with my husband which ended with him smashing a plant pot (followed with a sarcastic whoops), kicking the bin to pieces and then pushing me onto the stairs - from the bottom not pushing me down them - while I was holding our 13 week old baby.
It's over, it has to be over but I'm so sad. I know how pathetic it sounds but I love him, I just want the nice him who I live with 90% of the time to come home and make it better.
He has some form for emotional abuse (name calling, twisting things, threatening to take my children because I'm mad etc.) and he has occasionally been aggressive in the past (smashing things, punching doors) but this is the first time I've really felt he put his hands on me with malice.
I was stupid because I took his tobacco and wouldn't give it back. So he pushed me when he was trying to take the packet off me but then he twisted my hand /wrist hard enough to hurt me - when I look at it I know what he was doing was hurting me so I'd do what he wanted.
I feel shit because I should have just given it to him. What if the baby had been hurt because I wouldn't just give it to him. I don't know why I did that.
Anyway, I phoned the police and he's left (the police weren't great - they told me it's very stressful having a new baby and maybe I could speak to him tomorrow when everyone had calmed down, they would have arrested him if I'd pushed it I guess but they seemed to think it wasn't a big deal - it is a big deal right?).
I just want some hands to hold as I'm feeling very alone right now. I don't really have any close friends and I'm embarrassed to talk to anyone about it in real life. I feel like such a failure somehow.
Thank you for listening.
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It's over. Hand holding needed.
Miniph · 28/05/2013 17:44
It is a big deal (am shocked at police response tbh) and you have done a hard but brilliant thing. You are strong, and you and your DC are better off without him. 
Thank you.
I just feel so sad and mixed up. I'm veering between crying and trying to think through the practicalitys.
Thankfully my dd (13yrs) wasn't at home. Think when she gets back it'll be pizza in bed night.
I just need to get my head round everything 
This isn't what was supposed to happen
"if I'd given it to him then he wouldn't have hurt me"
that is not how it works. Ok, that wasn't a good decision on your part but that isn't the reason it happened. He is the reason it happened.
You're doing the right thing and you know it.
It sounds like it's quite bad anyway but just hadn't been physical yet. I'm sure you know there's a risk of it all escalating and you winding back on here in a few months time because he's done something similar/worse. I'm sure if you've been on here long enough you've seen it happen to other posters and you really are doing the best thing for you and your DCs by nipping this in the bud.
just concentrate on the practical stuff and then get through whatever emotional hurdles that occur after that.
Without wanting to sounds patronizing, well done & hope you're managing ok 
I wasn't meaning to excuse what he did. Just that had I given it to him things may have gone differently.
I was in an abusive relationship in my teens, I know how easy and destructive it is to minimise and go back - but even so it's damn hard trying not to.
Posting here makes it public for me, harder to minimise.
I want the person I love back but I know that's not possible. The other stuff we could have worked on but I can't forgive this.
It's all just horrible right now.
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