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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

new romance old school friend an crush

16 replies

oliversmarmy · 28/05/2013 01:17

Need advice,

Currently sort of seeing old school friend and someone I had massive crush on for twenty yrs plus, I broke up with my ex in Oct we have a son of 4 yrs old together, but after a messy breakup i thought I get in touch with crush, as id cheated on ex with him 7 yrs ago am before we had child, I thought I try my luck with him and to be honest I wanted to prove I could pull him again cause ex said no one would want me,

How ever it took ages to get him to meet and when he did we have since stayed in contact this month meeting at w.ends and me staying at his, im scared though that as he says he is only ever gonna love his ex an because im from a family no one liked in our area we can never b a couple, but upon staying at his, he said U have the bed an I stay on couch I asked why and he said because we R not a couple, but Friday just gone after a heated disscussion about not getting together properly, he insisted he woke up in bed with me, he said he wants me in his life as a mate an to stay in contact, told me im a top bird beautiful great body,

How can I tell if I see him again if it is gonna b n e thing else than just sex n fun

I know we both have a lot in common including our baggage, y is he telling me only matesbut his actions R louder n say more

OP posts:

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BOF · 28/05/2013 01:35

Maybe it's because I've had a drink, but I can't read your OP. Can you repost it without the text speak?

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A1980 · 28/05/2013 01:42

Let me.make sure I understand this, you.dumped your sons.father in October, have a long standing crush on an old friend.who you cheated on your exp with years ago.

Now you're kind of seeing each other you want advice on whether or not he just wants a Fuck buddy?

IS this for real?

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Bogeyface · 28/05/2013 01:49

You are his fuck buddy, you will never be more than that.

You had to work hard to even get him to meet you and the only thing that is keeping him "sort of seeing" you is the sex. If you took that away then you wouldnt see him again.

Write this one off. Spend sometime alone getting to know you and then look to meet someone who will treat you with more respect.

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Bogeyface · 28/05/2013 01:50

Another point. He has told you that you are not in a relationship, therefore you are not in a relationship with him.

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oliversmarmy · 28/05/2013 14:55

I never left, my ex left me after 11 yrs, if im just abuddy why has he said his place is ours, daisy did he get into bed even though he stated well in advance we R not a couple so we sleep seperately.

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oliversmarmy · 28/05/2013 14:58

He also stated we dnt have to sleep together, but he has told me few times before that he is a sex addict, but other night he said he isn't he was lying about it,

Im so confused

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Bogeyface · 28/05/2013 14:59

Because he is playing you. He has stated quite clearly that you are not in a relationship, why are you trying to convince yourself that you are?

He wont introduce you to anyone as his GF, looks down on your background and family, tells you that you are not in a relationship and says that he is still in love with his ex.

How much more do you need before you will accept that this man is not interested in any kind of relationship with you?

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TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 28/05/2013 15:00

He doesn't sound very serious about you to me.

You're his FWB. You went chasing after him, looking him up, so he thought why the hell not. I get a shag out of it, then presumably she goes back to her long term partner like she did last time.

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oliversmarmy · 28/05/2013 15:05

My ex is in relationship for good with new g.f, I think he is scared im gonna go again. Cause he said I went back to ex last time, I said does hat mean I hadchance with us, he said U went back...

Does no one think I can change his mind ... By seeing him reg n not bothering him.. Im in love with him from a young girl, I watched him b with other girls etc, now im older I felt I could do this fwb an b fine..

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TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 28/05/2013 15:08

Sweetheart, we all have someone we were in love with back then and probably would still be now....all well and good if it's mutual.

Nothing you have described says it is.

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Bogeyface · 28/05/2013 16:59

Yo cant "change his mind", only he can do that.

Your best bet is to say to him that the only relationship you want with him is a proper girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with all that entails including being introduced to his friends and family etc.

If he says he is not willing to do that then walk away. Once he realises that you are serious he may reconsider, but tbh, I doubt it.

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MissStrawberry · 28/05/2013 17:24

This man does not want you as his girlfriend.

Get yourself some self esteem so you don't feel you have to accept the crumbs he is throwing you.

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RachaelCurtis · 28/05/2013 17:32

You deserve better than this. You're still hurting right now and need to know you're attractive and that someone wants you.

And someone will. Someone who won't play games with you, will respect you and who won't leave you wondering where you stand.

You've come out of a long-term relationship. Take this time to look after yourself and let yourself get stronger. I know it's hard, but please walk away from this crush.