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Toxic mother hurting the whole family.

(5 Posts)
grumpyinthemorning Mon 27-May-13 23:22:20

I cut contact with mu toxic mother 2 years ago, best decision of my life. But for some reason I can't work out she is driving away everybody who cares about her.

I do love her, she is my mother and I will always care about her, but I had to get away from her narcissistic and controlling behaviour. Since then she has cut off all her friends, picks fights with the whole family, and generally makes it unpleasant to spend time with her. It's really upsetting my grandmother, which is in turn making me furious and guilty at the same time.

If I hadn't cut contact, it would just be me in the line of fire, instead of everyone.

I know I did the right thing for me, and nobody blames me, but still...

horseonabeach Tue 28-May-13 00:55:47

You're right - now you have cut contact she is finding other victims. This happened to my DSis when I cut contact with my 'D'M. But you cannt go back to save everyone else - they have to sort themselves out.

But good for you - you did the right thing! Stay strong smile

grumpyinthemorning Tue 28-May-13 15:07:46

Thanks smile I just feel horrible about it. Her latest thing is being all angry about me getting married, and apparently we kept this from her deliberately to hurt her. We kept it from her because we knew she would react badly!

Am trying to just get on with my life, but it's hard to avoid her shit while still having contact with the rest of my family.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Tue 28-May-13 15:46:36

Sorry you are still suffering the effects of you mother. Perhaps you need to let the other family members know that you are still recovering from the emotional abuse you have suffered from exposure to her and that you have come to realize that you need aperiod of time with zero tolerance. This will be a new mini boundary for the rest of the family to just not talk about mom in your presence. You can put a parameter that if she is in hospital, for example, you would want to know.

My techno thing is going bat shit crazy so sorry in advance if this post presents in a different language...bracket, blush, bracket.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Tue 28-May-13 15:50:57

btw, congrats on your marriage! flowers

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