Attracted to another man...

[RaggleTaggleTick]

I met my mother's partner's son for the first time today. I immediately recognised him from my teenage year, we had a few snogs and I haven't seen him since.

When we stood next to each other I got a really intense 'electricity' feeling, he kept coming over to chat with me and standing quite close, it really threw me as I haven't felt like this for years and years.

I'm married with DC and so is he. I would rather not see him again, I was really shocked by my physical reaction to him & this has really thrown me...

How should I handle this, avoid him? It's getting very serious between my mother and her partner so he could end up as my step brother one day.

[DoctorAnge]

No advice but watching this thread with interest. I know where you are coming from...

[RaggleTaggleTick]

It was just such an unexpected physical reaction, it's really shaken me!

[LemonPeculiarJones]

Perhaps seeing him triggered a powerfully physical, hormonally-driven teenage memory from your youth?

I saw a bedspread in a charity shop recently which was identical to the one my parents had in the seventies. I was overwhelmed with a physical sense of safety and calm.

Ok, very different - but you get what I mean!

[RaggleTaggleTick]

LemonPeculiarJones - Perhaps, whatever happened I'm not looking forward to seeing him again, I feel like I'm being unfaithful

[Mumsyblouse]

I don't think it's that unusual to meet someone every now and again with whom you have a really strong chemistry but it is just one of those things and if married, you have to ignore it, or think about how nice it might be in a different world, and then move on. It probably blasted you back to a young sexy you from long ago- fun but don't get obsessed by it or what it means, it means you are still human!

[LemonPeculiarJones]

Mmm, I see that. But you're not! It's not disloyal to have a reaction to someone. It's what you do about it that counts.

Attractions, however powerful, come and go. I suppose the thing to do is think about the reality of your relationship and confront any issues in order to shore up against inevitable attractions.

Because if you and your DH are solid the attraction will pass without incident.

Don't mean to sound glib. Has this brought up any stuff for you, concerning you and DH?

[RaggleTaggleTick]

Thanks for not judging guys, no real issues between DH and I, I guess it's highlighted the fact I haven't had this 'tingly' feeling for years & certainly don't get it with DH. I suppose it's not something you can create, it just happens of it's own accord unfortunately!

[Mumsyblouse]

You don't get that tingly feeling in my experience except when you first meet someone, it's like a chemical reaction- some people on here talk about 'limerance' which is a similar more extended chemical state, but it's basically a state of arousal. You couldn't have that endlessly with your partner as you would never get on with your normal life and it would be very tiring, although the odd spark/connection when your eyes meet is rather nice. But even this guy would stop being tingly if you dated him, honest remembering past times

[RaggleTaggleTick]

Ha! Thanks Mumsy, very true.

[LEMisdisappointed]

Thing is, just because you are on a diet/look at other peoples gardens...................

I also think we all miss that frisson of attraction that we had when we met our DPs/DSs so someone who you had an attraction for in the past may well ignite a few hormones. I think the key is to be open about it with your partner and just ignore it. Agreed, its awkward because you may well find yourself round the same christmas table but well, it will be fun :)

[LEMisdisappointed]

Limerance? this is a word tht i have not heard of before - what does it mean?

[Mumsyblouse]

Sorry, I've spelt it wrong, it's limerence, it's the state of besottedness that comes upon you often very early and it doesn't have to occur in relationships, it can be that magnetic attraction feeling where you just want the object of your attraction to notice/want to be with you. It's obsessive which is why it isn't good to have it all the time. I had it with my now husband and it was like living on a cloud in which you don't care about anything else. Lovely to have had but not practical for daily living!

[RaggleTaggleTick]

Thanks Lem, yep hormones ignited! I don't think I'll be open about it with DH though, I would be devastated if it was the other way round and he told me about it.