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When to start dating again?

(7 Posts)
CosmicG Mon 27-May-13 18:11:10

I'm 31 yrs old with DS who is 16 months. I've been seperated for 7 months now. I am relatively happy. Ex and I are civil to eachother. He pays me maintenance. We haven't divorced yet but have decided to wait until we have been seperated for 2 yrs. He hasn't met anyone else and I am happy being single but ultimately i would like to be with the right person and be happy together. I'm just not sure when is the right time to start dating and i dnt want to do online dating. Is it best to wait until we are divorced before meeting someone else? Are men ok with dating women who are still married to someone else?

deedotty Mon 27-May-13 23:43:34

Hello,

I dated whilst I was "separated pending divorce" and honestly if you feel Ok with it, I'd 100% say go for it - no guarantees you'll meet someone amazing straight off but just "keeping ones hands in" just in case!

I'm like you - content being single and I've been and done the Big White Dress day so not obsessed with getting that again, but a year without ANY romance or "ooh will he text" or interest on that front would drive me insane!

Keep open minded with low expectations and you should be fine.

(I'd say with Real Life plus online dating for about 2 months in a year - per year I've got about 1 "really memorable, would marry if I wanted to marry again" connection, a SHITLOAD of rubbish/weird/feathery strokey contacts, and about 4-5 things/flings that just "don't take" romantically. Not sure what its like with just Real Life connections, but should be interesting!)

Good luck! grin

allaflutter Mon 27-May-13 23:45:52

why do you want to wait 2yrs to divorce, if you are ready to date? your H may think that you are still considering saving marriage - which wouldn't be fair on him.
Many men (and women) wouldn't date separated people, unless it's casual on both sides. They may see it as you checking what else is available before giving up on marriage, which looks quite cynical.
If you do want just casual dating, of course go for it (as far H doesn't see it as only a trial separation).

deedotty Mon 27-May-13 23:48:27

Sorry, just to add in my experience just tell them "I'm seperated pending divorce, all amiable" and that will be fine. No need to justify yourself hugely or go into the exact financial details of your situation until you have been on a few dates and established a mutual connection - only men with poor social skills, who you wouldn't want to date anyway wink - would really expect anything more than that. If someone is going on a first date clutching his wallet and worried about the nitty gritty of your finances he'll be like that with EVERYONE he dated, not just women with children and an ex. NEXT!

And of course don't sit there downing whiskies and going on about what a b*****d your ex husband was, although I'm pretty certain that's not the case grin

deedotty Mon 27-May-13 23:52:25

@allaflutter

It is to do with the legalities of the divorce itself - someone correct me if I'm wrong, mine was a long time ago.

But I think if you're separated for 2 years you can have a "no blame amiable" divorce rather than go the "unreasonable behaviour" route. The OP's separation sounds very sane and amiable so I presume this is what she and her ex are doing.

CosmicG Tue 28-May-13 18:40:59

allaflutter I am waiting two yrs bcos i just dnt want to go down the route of "unreasonable behaviour". There has been "unreasonable behaviour" on both ends and and we both accept blame for the breakdown of our marriage but i dnt want to have to document it and so would rather just wait until its been two yrs and just have a simple straightforward divorce without argument. we have no assets to divide and are in agreement with arrangements to do with our son. There are no financial disputes. I am happy to wait two years.

Thank you deedotty for your comments. very helpful. I'm not sure if i am ready to date yet but I just wondered for the near future. I will bear in mind what you have said. smile

ALittleStranger Tue 28-May-13 21:48:30

My mum's advice was "when you can trust yourself not to talk bitch about them on the date." I think that works as a general guideline!v

I used to say I wouldn't date anyone who was seperated awaiting divorce, but then a few friends found themselves in that situation and I realised it was completely unreasonable to expect people to write themselves off just because they were waiting for some legal milestones.

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