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not sure how I feel

(10 Posts)
alwaysaclown Sun 26-May-13 10:54:32

Just a quickie....seems like an odd question but my situation is too complicated....

Married for 5 years, little son of 3 years. We have a fractious relationship! We all went for a day out with friends yesterday.

If your husbands/boyfriends said to you "A & I hardly talked to each other all day yesterday because we were too busy looking after our children but i'm glad you & B had a good gossip/catch up"

How would you react/feel? My blood is boiling over it. Sometimes I feel like I'm over reacting to things said & my husband makes out everything is my fault, my doing etc. If Thr above question wouldn't make your blood boil, i'd be happy to hear why.

Thx (told you it was a weird question!!) x

something2say Sun 26-May-13 11:07:07

Was it him being resentful that you had a good chat while he took care of the kids? Laing to you feeling he assumes it s your sole job to look after the kids and never his, and he did you this as a favour and now wants to rub your face in it?

Yeah I get you....

How come you chose him? Didnt you know?

PiHigh Sun 26-May-13 11:12:29

Well, as I'm a SAHM I'd reply with "Yes, you should look after ds more often so that I get the opportunity to socialise with my friends and enjoy some adult conversation like you get every day when you're out of the home."

quoteunquote Sun 26-May-13 11:12:33

You have to both want to stop playing the blame game, as it is a perpetual circle of destruction.

you have to find another more positive way of expressing and acknowledging your frustrations with each other, and try and receive information without feeling defensive, and change reactions.

It is incredible hard to re program once you have patten formed, but worth doing because it makes life far less stressful.

"*A & I hardly talked to each other all day yesterday because we were too busy looking after our children*

"that must of been hard for you, I will try to be more aware in future*

but i'm glad you & B had a good gossip/catch up"

Thank you, I did really appreciate it, so did B

Shall we arrange another meet up, and make sure you and A get a chance to chat, or why don't you meet up for a beer later in the week?

alwaysaclown Sun 26-May-13 11:16:26

Thx for replying Something2say.

Yes, I agree. I think he was a bit resentful too. I always feel sooo guilty if I sit down/have a bath & he has to look after our son. He is brilliant with our son but gets tired all the time & likes to go to sleep in the afternoons!

We have a very difficult relationship. Yesterday we had "sock-gate"!! lol We both like wearing black socks but he likes HIS socks & not to share because his socks are "special" (anti-sweat things!) but they look identical to all the other black socks!! it was the most pathetic argument ever & I just don't get why he can't share!!!

alwaysaclown Sun 26-May-13 11:18:30

This is very helpful Quoteunquote. Thank you x

quoteunquote Sun 26-May-13 11:47:29

thanks for not biting my head off, I do know how hard it is when you are in the situation, if someone presses your buttons, it's hard not to push back,

you both need to cut yourself a break, I bet you are not getting enough time alone and away from the home environment together, to re bond as a team,

please make that a priority, how ever you achieve it, even an afternoon walking on the hills together will help, the more often you can grab some time away together, the less chance friction has a chance to build up,

it's terrible easy to fall into the habit of not prioritising time alone together away from the house, and very damaging in the long run.

alwaysaclown Sun 26-May-13 11:54:30

Hi quoteunquote

You are right of course. However, not wanting to "yes but....yes but" over all your advice which is frustrating BUT with a toddler, NO babysitters and me having to organise anything to do with babysitters and quality time with my husband, after a while, you just lose the will to live. My husband organises a day out with some friends and he thinks he's the social planner of the bleedin' year! lol

Intheshitagain Sun 26-May-13 14:35:05

Yes, my blood would boil. It's hard enough all week alone with a 3 yr old without DH giving you hard time for some adult chat with a friend. Doesn't he want to spend any time with his son. Great catch. Not!

But why would you want to wear his smelly old socks? That's just weird. Lol. You just got a great excuse to spend on some nice new ones for yourself lol.

maras2 Sun 26-May-13 16:09:47

Why does he like to sleep in the afternoon?Is he ill?Does he nap at work?Anyway I think that you should either split up or iron out your 'fractious marriage' as it's not very good for your 3 year old.I'm sure that you are both great parents but constant niggling/falling out etc is not good for him to hear.Good luck. Mx

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