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Am I insane?

(14 Posts)
Fancydrawers Sun 26-May-13 08:40:41

I keep thinking there is something up with my husband. He doesn't act any differently, he tells me he loves me much more than I tell him - but I keep thinking something's wrong. I think it's my anxiety and I'm worried it'll ruin our marriage. I keep becoming really upset that he's not all over me like he used to be although he is affectionate - he says he's just changed and that he doesn't know why. (and to be honest with nearly 3 DC we don't have time) I think he may be depressed but he'd never admit it. He works really long hours at work and is tired most of the time. He's fantastic with DC and loving towards me (just not draped all over me like he used to be but I suppose after 10 years what can I expect)

He's not secretive at all, so I'm not worrying he's having an affair. I'm just worried but I don't know why. It's driving me insane. I am due DC 3 any day and I feel so upset.

MalcolmTuckersMum Sun 26-May-13 08:45:56

Well no - you're not insane but you are pregnant, have two DC already and I expect your worries are manifesting themselves through this non-specific but all consuming fret you're having right now. At least you know you're not acting rationally. If it continues after the baby maybe seek some help from your GP because this is no way to live is it? And your DH must be wondering WTF.
Hope you have a good birth smile

Fancydrawers Sun 26-May-13 08:48:47

Thank you for being kind, your reply made me cry. Yes I think a GP appointment will be in order if I still feel this way. I don't want to push my husband away. I am just finding it hard, I keep thinking he is going to leave me when he has done nothing to suggest this. It's exhausting sad

MalcolmTuckersMum Sun 26-May-13 08:51:31

Bless you! It must be absolutely exhausting and so unneccessary. Maybe take some time to work through your fears. What would happen if he really DID leave you? Think it through. Face your fear. You'll find, if you reason with it, that actually life would go on and nobody would die. Having done that you can get on with enjoying your lovely children and family. Good luck.

Sh1ney Sun 26-May-13 09:57:40

This is anxiety and is very debilitating. As you're sure he is not acting any differently and that he's really not done anything to provoke this then I'd probably see your GP.

Have you chatted to him about it? Told him how you feel? Difficult I know because impossible to know where to start really but it might help reassure you.

You're married, you have children and another on the way and he shows and tells you he loves you on a regular basis. Try and let the rational side of your brain overtake the neurotic side if you can.

Sh1ney Sun 26-May-13 09:59:16

Ok I've had a re read.

When he says he's changed but doesn't know why - changed how? And no longer being draped all over you - do you mean say with you holding your hand on the sofa .. That sort of thing?

Fancydrawers Sun 26-May-13 10:39:25

No I mean in that we're not in the draped all over each other phase anymore - but we haven't been for ages. He'll pull me in for a cuddle a lot. I don't know what I'm expecting really! I have told him and he said a lot to reassure me, I think he's a bit baffled and he can't really do any more than he's doing though. I am ashamed to say I snooped in case this was me having some kind of sixth sense, but there was nothing and I feel mortified that I did so.

Fancydrawers Sun 26-May-13 10:40:51

He meant changed in that we're not in the honeymoon period any more - he's never been one for big romantic gestures or anything!

ImperialBlether Sun 26-May-13 11:01:14

I'm not going to be popular with you now, OP.

When I was married to my ex, I kept feeling that something was wrong. I felt as though the ground wasn't solid beneath my feet, that nothing was what it seemed. I told my husband that I thought I was going mad. I went to the doctor's and for several years I was on ADs that helped me cope.

Someone did ask me whether he could be having an affair, but I said he couldn't as he didn't go anywhere.

He was having an affair with a married woman at work - neither were able to spend a lot of time together outside work. I think I'd picked up on the fact he was distracted - his behaviour was 'normal' to him, but not to me.

Have to say I won't ever forgive him for letting me go on ADs to cope with his double life.

Fancydrawers Sun 26-May-13 11:05:10

I did just say that I have snooped though and found absolutely nothing incriminating. I'm sorry he did that to you.

HollyBerryBush Sun 26-May-13 11:07:06

It's just your hormones going woo!

Fancydrawers Sun 26-May-13 11:10:35

I'm worried that I'm being a fool now, but he is so insistent that he wants us to be together sad

Sh1ney Sun 26-May-13 13:15:34

Err after a decade together why wouldn't he be anything other than insistent that he wants you to be together?

Look, are you an anxious person usually? Does he have a history of secretive or worrying behaviour? I agree with IB that your instincts are important here, however you'd need to work out what had actually triggered these feelings... and if you are currently pregnant and a bit run down and maybe feeling not yourself etc at the moment then it is quite natural that you might be feeling insecure.

Fancydrawers Sun 26-May-13 14:41:21

I am quite anxious due to a few things that have happened, but I have always been rather anxious anyway - just not anywhere near this extent. No, no secretive behaviour. I have put a lot of weight on and feel like a bag of shit, if I'm being honest.

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