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Exes girlfriend

(11 Posts)
sandiy Sat 25-May-13 16:25:43

Well this is a first.I phoned ex up to ask for help towards paying for a residential my son is going on.He said he would help but no money forth coming and my son got all upset which led to a conversation regarding how little he pays in maintence for the children and the girl friend is in the back ground literally screaming at me that's what I get tax credits for well excuse me but I get help with child care only I still have to find hundred and twenty pounds a month ontop out of an already tight budget.Honestly she was rabid and the air was blue.Why should I have to tolerate this I work blinking hard full time plus second job while the kids are at their dads.Im really at a loss on how To goforwards not to mention concerned for the children when they are with her.Background she's 20 ex 43 they ve recently had a baby together.He was seeing her while we were still together.What do I do anyone been there?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 25-May-13 16:32:41

Haven't been there, but sounds like a shitty situation to be in. I'm sorry.

Hopefully there will be someone along soon who knows more about this than me.

emstats Sat 25-May-13 17:17:00

Wow, she's lovely, and exceedingly clever! (That's what tax credits are for...?) Wonder if she's heard the saying what goes around comes around..? Anyway, I'd ignore her existence completely. What I did was to view my ex as I would any distant relation or family of a partner, someone you have to make an effort with and be polite with for the sake of someone else but had no emotional investment in yourself (this wasn't true so it took a conscious effort) it really worked for me. Try talking to him about it from that stance if you can. Unfortunately in these circs you do need to be a bit manipulative. But at the end of the day, its for your kids! I found it particularly helped to be v polite and 'kind', ask how work is etc, show vague interest, but I couldn't look at him! Used to busy myself making cups of tea etc. Stress the importance of respecting each other and showing a united front to the kids, for their sake. Like I said, it takes a conscious effort but like anything it gets easier with practice.

Bogeyface Sat 25-May-13 18:11:09

Is this a private arrangement? If it is then go through the CSA, atleast then it is official.

She sounds like a nightmare, and tbh I wouldnt be worrying too much about her being in your childrens lives much longer....

simplesusan Sat 25-May-13 18:48:05

I second the csa.

He sounds awful, it is his responsibility to pay for his child and he should stick to his promise.

He sounds like a dickhead tbh. getting a20 year old pregnant whilst not meeting hisresponsibilities towards his existing children, nice.
Ignore her as best you can. I agree with bogeyface, she probably won't last much longer as his girlfriend.

sandiy Sat 25-May-13 19:11:12

Thanks for the support.It would be lovely to think I could tell them where to stick it but I'm dependant on the time he has them to do my second job which is keeping the wolves from the door.It amazes me how they are unable to acknowledge any responsibility.My ex gave up his job ( teacher head of dept ) to have a "gap year" when he left me.So here I am with three children he pays CSA minimum which is a joke as her hardly works as a supply teacher.While I'm paying all the morgage plus all loans and credit cards.Ive begged him to get a better job as the kids are suffering but he s having none of it and applying for all sorts of crap little above minimum wage. I'm at my wits end then to be screamed at as well argggh.

BreasticlesNTesticles Sat 25-May-13 19:17:06

Well she got herself a catch didn't she hmm

CSA all the way

simplesusan Sat 25-May-13 19:25:47

So your ex is a teacher who was shagging a teeage!!!
Please don't tell me he met her at school or college!

Wow what a charmer.

simplesusan Sat 25-May-13 19:26:15

Should read teenager.

sandiy Sat 25-May-13 20:13:45

Oh yes he used to teach her a couple of years ago. She's at uni now.I suspect that's why he won t ot can't get another job. Humiliated and somewhat shunned me not him as a result

badinage Sat 25-May-13 20:33:25

So he wasn't too poor to father another child then? hmm

This is the scandal of the CSA and this piss poor government that lets NRPs get away with it. But the biggest scandal is of course these men who think they are allowed to get away with failing to pay for their children and incredibly, manage to get women to have relationships with them where even more children are born to these utterly feckless twats. Obviously this charming pair think that the state, or you personally, ought to pick up the bill. I expect the state is funding them and their child already if he barely works and she's recently given birth - and this explains why they think that the benefit system ought to pay for his other children.

I think I'd be inclined to deal with him by E mail only and explain that you refuse to have a conversation with this idiotic woman screaming in the background. None of this is any of her business anyway. Women who have relationships with men who've already got children have got to expect their partners to pay for them. But you really don't have to listen to her inane shrieking while you try to sort this out, so make things more formal and keep up the pressure on him to pay his share.

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