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Ending a friendship - how to do it?

(11 Posts)
Kernowgal Thu 23-May-13 19:56:15

I'm not going to go into the whys and wherefores but suffice to say we were friends through work and then she behaved really badly and treated me like shit (at work). I think she knows this though there has never been a verbal apology. Not seen her for ages as she went abroad to find herself but she's now got back in touch after I blocked her on FB (she doesn't know this) and is saying she's going for a job near me because she can't get work overseas.

I would like to tell her to fuck off to the far side of fuck and the myriad reasons why, but this is probably not a good idea as she has never taken any responsibility for her actions in her life. What say ye, oh nest of vipers? Should I just ignore, ignore, ignore? It would be rather cathartic to finally tell her just what I think of her but I don't want to make her miserable, I just don't want to see her again.

ALittleStranger Thu 23-May-13 20:00:43

With friendship I think it's easiest and kindest to just ignore and let them wither. Unless someone has been truly awful to you and owed you a lot I think cathartic outpourings are unnecessary.

Kernowgal Thu 23-May-13 20:10:03

I wondered if a short but polite reply saying I don't want to be in touch any more might be better, but that then invites a further reply.

Slothlorien Thu 23-May-13 20:29:03

Ignore and let it die a natural death. If she keeps contacting u and asks u outright why, then tell her (if u feel like it).
Life's too short for shit friends. The loss of her frees up your time and energies to invest in friendships which make u feel good. grin

Kernowgal Thu 23-May-13 20:44:20

You are right :D

Lavenderhoney Fri 24-May-13 04:54:30

Did she contact you via email? If so you can just ignore it and if she writes again or you bump into her, say it must of gone into your junk mail.

She knows what she has done, I assume? Unless she is incredibly thick skinned and selfish?

If you do reply, and you are in a work industry which is small and you may be thrown together, a one liner with " thanks for the update, good luck with finding a new job" will suffice.

If she wants to meet( probably to use you to network) then just say no, I'm very busy and ill be in touch when I have some free time" and ignore.

Vivacia Fri 24-May-13 05:08:17

I was going to say to just make your excuses and let it fizzle out. However I wonder if it'd be best for you to get done of this off your chest? Write to hear in a non-aggressive way about how her actions have made you feel?

Lucylloyd13 Fri 24-May-13 15:59:58

I agree with those who say you should best let things wither. As time goes on you will have less and less to talk about.

A retrospective raking over of old coals is only likely to stir emotions with little positive benefit. So she realises that you were pissed off- so what?

Dahlen Fri 24-May-13 16:15:27

IF your lives have simply diverged or you find someone's actions incompatible with your own values, etc., the most gracious thing to do is simply let things wither and die. It takes surprisingly little effort to let a friendship die.

However, where there has been a significant event in which one person has let down another badly, I think differently. Sometimes (e.g. with the sort of person who never accepts responsibility for anything and will never see themselves as at fault) it is still better to let things die quietly. Other times, it can be worth saying something simply to get it off your chest. That's only advisable though if you are capable of enforcing boundaries afterwards, which means a) not caring whether they see your POV or not and b) not entering into a debate about it if you don't want to. Sometimes, it can lead to apologies and a stronger friendship, but most of the time it won't.

Laura0806 Fri 24-May-13 16:57:50

yes I agree with trying to let it wither and die if possible, probably save you a whole load of upset and hassle and as you say you dont want to make her miserable. ps she probably doe sknow you blocked her on Fcaebook, well she will if she tries to look you up or has tried.

Kernowgal Fri 24-May-13 19:08:52

I hate it, it makes me feel like a right cow, but I am going to ignore. It would be pointless to try to put over how I feel because all I would get back is "yeah but what about me". I lost all respect for her when she shouted at me (it had been waning for quite some time because of her general fuck-you-all attitude at work) and I don't think there's any way our friendship could ever recover, simply because anyone who felt it was OK to treat me like that isn't a friend.

If she gets this job we will work in the same industry but are unlikely to come into contact. If we bumped into each other (pretty unlikely) I would probably say hello but nothing more.

I feel bad because until relatively recently I tried to keep things cheerful and friendly between us but the whole time I was inwardly seething, so I feel rather two-faced.

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