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I dont think my husband loves me anymore

(59 Posts)
skat73 Thu 23-May-13 10:56:55

Bit of a long post so please bear with me. I could really do with some advice. Things havent been great between my DH and myself for a while ,generally grumpy and not very nice to each other. I just thought we were going through a rough patch I had a baby in February and we also have another DD who is 5. I had a rubbish pregnancy and was signed off on mat leave early , I was quite poorly after too. I know this made me grumpy and I probably snapped at him a lot. Financially things are tough plus at work at the moment he is not doing very well, all about meeting targets and things not going to plan at the moment, I feel when work is not going well he takes it out on me. He also seems to not be connecting with new baby which makes me so sad and is only interested in out 5 year old. On sunday he broke down and said he didnt think we could make it work and that even though he loves me he is not sure whether things can go on and he cant see any solutions. We have agreed for my parents to have the DC at the weekend so we can talk but I feel like he has already made his mind up and is going through the motions.

I feel sick constantly and I am worried about the children, I feel sad for our baby who has been brought in to this unhappiness. I still love my husband and the thought of being a single mum scares the S**t out of me. I dont know how to solve things and feel like Im free falling. Has anyone been through this and can offer any advice?

MadBusLady Sun 26-May-13 12:09:00

So the plan is now that he's going to try to save the marriage, or that he's already emotionally checked out and is going to leave you and live in a tent?

Watch out for things just drifting on while he "makes up his mind" whether to go or not, it's not fair on you. Hope you get some clarity soon.

skat73 Mon 27-May-13 08:21:09

I think there is a real possibility that he has emotionally checked out already however I feel I have to give him the benefit of the doubt otherwise there is no point. I think in the meantime I'm going to start thinking about me reconnect with some old friends and just put some things in place just in case. Just try to stay strong for the girls really.

skat73 Mon 27-May-13 08:23:38

He has also agreed to see doctor regarding this black cloud he says is over him all the time , so even though I'm not fully convinced he is committed I guess that's a start

toffeelolly Mon 27-May-13 08:48:28

Hope everything work's out well for you skat.

Mumblepot26 Mon 27-May-13 09:22:37

So sorry that you are going through this, like someone else said dont make any decisions yet. It sounds like you both still love each other, but are overwhelmed by life.

There is hope...this time last year my husband and I were in a very bad place, I had just had a baby, he was diagnosed with ME, we were financially very insecure, his business was failing. We were both diagnosed with severe anxiety and put on anti depressants. It took everything we had just to get through the day, feed clean our children and ourselves. We were very distant and unable to support each other. I know neither of us felt very loving toward each other and blamed each other for all that went wrong.

Today a year on, We are more in love, and stronger than ever (Been together 12 yrs). He has a steady income, I am back working part time. We are off the anti depressants.both mentally and physically healthy. We even have the energy to undertake major renovations on our home.

Splitting up is rarely the answer. Just try to hang on in there.... And things will shift....sooner than you think. Take small moments just to ' be' together. A hug, a hand hold.....

badinage Mon 27-May-13 11:59:04

Have you talked to him about whether he's seeing anyone else else Skat? Or checked his phone?

Ilikethebreeze Mon 27-May-13 12:10:32

Hi op.
It sounds very much like he has depression to me.
Have you suggested he seee the GP.
Looking at things from his point of view,
things are tough financially
he has a new baby
and work is not a nice place for him to be right now.

Sounds to me like what is going on at work has tipped him into depression.

tbh, I didnt like the buying a tent bit. That does not sound very rational as a place to live if things get more difficult for him.

I think you should try and see if you can persuade him to see his GP as a matter of urgency.

skyeskyeskye Mon 27-May-13 14:42:55

skat - I really hope that it isn't an affair. I rarely shout LTB, but I do advise people to keep their eyes open and keep an open mind.

I desperately hoped that my XH was having a breakdown, or mid life crisis, because who in their right mind, just announces one Friday evening, out of nowhere, that they aren't happy and don't want to be there any more. I had no idea that he was even unhappy and he was planning to leave.

I refused to see that OW was OW. I defended their friendship on here, but MN finally made me see sense and see it for what it was.

I know that you haven't found anything like that and I hope that you don't.

If he is depressed, then he needs to go to the doctor. If he has seriously bought a tent to live in then he is not thinking rationally.

lollydollydrop Sun 02-Jun-13 15:56:20

Hi skat, how are things with you? Has your DP been to the doctor yet?Xx

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