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Some hand-holding please? :/

(16 Posts)
Futterby Thu 23-May-13 00:06:52

I don't really have much to say really. Just had a huge fight with DP and went to stay at my mum's for the night (she lives ten minutes up the road). I'm twelve weeks pregnant, nearly thirteen, and I'm worried I've overreacted.

So DP has been doing a lot of overtime at work lately and told me he'd been putting most of it into his savings to get ready for the baby. Turns out he lied. He's spent pretty much all of the money he had (which is our only source of funds at the moment, we don't get benefits and we're both full time students living off his part time income).

The money doesn't worry me. If we had no money to eat I would still be with him. It's just that he lied about it. In my book, that's almost as bad as cheating and he knows that.

I had a really awful, awful day which included me bursting into tears in front of my college lecturer and having a flaming argument with an (ex) friend of mine.

When I found out he'd lied about it I dumped a whole box of chocolates over him and left to go to my mum's.

Futterby Thu 23-May-13 00:07:44

Just had to vent. Sorry flowers

Elocampane Thu 23-May-13 00:14:11

sad poor you.
<holds hand>

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 23-May-13 00:14:39

FWIW I probably would have reacted in the same way. Lying about things makes it far worse. Though I'd want to know what he spent all the money on, why he thought it ok to lie about it, what he planned to do for food etc having spent all the money. You do deserve some answers from him.
Sorry you've had such a bad day. Enjoy being at your mum's for a bit.

IcingTheCake Thu 23-May-13 00:16:00

Sounds like you need those choccies back!
Sorry to hear you've had a bad day, did you find out why he lied? Probably best to have a night off, get a really good nights sleep and wake up and figure out what you want to know before you go talk to him, he probably didnt realise he was spending so much and didnt mean to lie about it, just didnt think iyswim? Hope things get better x

Futterby Thu 23-May-13 00:23:48

Thanks everyone flowers he's been spending it on rubbish like take away food and beer and... More food. I don't know why he lied tbh. I think you're right icing.

I'm ashamed to say that before I left, I put the chocolates back in the box and took them with me.

Elocampane Thu 23-May-13 00:29:59

futterby - I'd say that was just being practical wink

Futterby Thu 23-May-13 00:37:34

My thinking at the time elo was "oh god, I'll need some chocolate after this".

Mantella Thu 23-May-13 00:39:48

Sorry Futterby flowers. You deserve those chocolates! It's bewildering when someone you trust lies to you, something shifts and you don't know where you stand with them. Take care of yourself.

Elocampane Thu 23-May-13 00:42:59

futterby - with thinking like that, I'm certain you'll be ok wink

Futterby Thu 23-May-13 00:44:46

I know exactly what you're talking about Mantella. It's just so upsetting. Sat at my mum's bawling my eyes out, ate three chocolates and morning sickness struck and I puked them back up sad. Could absolutely murder a wine

Futterby Thu 23-May-13 00:45:11

Thanks both of you thanks

IcingTheCake Thu 23-May-13 01:04:10

Ahh good old ms because it likes to help things along! I hope its something as silly as takeaways and going out, thats something you can work on together, me and Oh have had to start budgeting together recently, all our money was on crap! Hope you get some sleep and i dont know about you but lemonade helped my ms smile

Mantella Thu 23-May-13 01:09:19

Try to get some sleep x

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 23-May-13 06:59:34

You did exactly the right thing because he's been deceitful and selfish. And please..... start worrying about money. The only people who say money doesn't matter tend to be the ones that have piles of the stuff. Money emphatically does matter, especially when you have children, responsibilities & low incomes. As the saying goes 'when money goes out of the door, love goes out of the window' and couples who have different attitudes to spending and saving - and especially those who lie about what they've done with it - are the ones who are either a) miserable or b) split up.

Stay with your mum for a good long time. This is too important to go scuttling back quickly....

IcingTheCake Thu 23-May-13 08:37:23

Hope your feeling better today, remembered something my dad always told me 'never argue money, you cant always argue over something you dont have' dont know if that helps you but my parents have been married 25 years and never argued about money because they lived by not arguing over what you dont have, its of course different because he mislead you but once youre through this it could help smile

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