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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Some hand-holding please? :/

15 replies

Futterby · 23/05/2013 00:06

I don't really have much to say really. Just had a huge fight with DP and went to stay at my mum's for the night (she lives ten minutes up the road). I'm twelve weeks pregnant, nearly thirteen, and I'm worried I've overreacted.

So DP has been doing a lot of overtime at work lately and told me he'd been putting most of it into his savings to get ready for the baby. Turns out he lied. He's spent pretty much all of the money he had (which is our only source of funds at the moment, we don't get benefits and we're both full time students living off his part time income).

The money doesn't worry me. If we had no money to eat I would still be with him. It's just that he lied about it. In my book, that's almost as bad as cheating and he knows that.

I had a really awful, awful day which included me bursting into tears in front of my college lecturer and having a flaming argument with an (ex) friend of mine.

When I found out he'd lied about it I dumped a whole box of chocolates over him and left to go to my mum's.

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Futterby · 23/05/2013 00:07

Just had to vent. Sorry

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Elocampane · 23/05/2013 00:14

poor you.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 23/05/2013 00:14

FWIW I probably would have reacted in the same way. Lying about things makes it far worse. Though I'd want to know what he spent all the money on, why he thought it ok to lie about it, what he planned to do for food etc having spent all the money. You do deserve some answers from him.
Sorry you've had such a bad day. Enjoy being at your mum's for a bit.

IcingTheCake · 23/05/2013 00:16

Sounds like you need those choccies back!
Sorry to hear you've had a bad day, did you find out why he lied? Probably best to have a night off, get a really good nights sleep and wake up and figure out what you want to know before you go talk to him, he probably didnt realise he was spending so much and didnt mean to lie about it, just didnt think iyswim? Hope things get better x

Futterby · 23/05/2013 00:23

Thanks everyone he's been spending it on rubbish like take away food and beer and... More food. I don't know why he lied tbh. I think you're right icing.

I'm ashamed to say that before I left, I put the chocolates back in the box and took them with me.

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Elocampane · 23/05/2013 00:29

futterby - I'd say that was just being practical

Futterby · 23/05/2013 00:37

My thinking at the time elo was "oh god, I'll need some chocolate after this".

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Mantella · 23/05/2013 00:39

Sorry Futterby . You deserve those chocolates! It's bewildering when someone you trust lies to you, something shifts and you don't know where you stand with them. Take care of yourself.

Elocampane · 23/05/2013 00:42

futterby - with thinking like that, I'm certain you'll be ok

Futterby · 23/05/2013 00:44

I know exactly what you're talking about Mantella. It's just so upsetting. Sat at my mum's bawling my eyes out, ate three chocolates and morning sickness struck and I puked them back up . Could absolutely murder a

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Futterby · 23/05/2013 00:45

Thanks both of you

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IcingTheCake · 23/05/2013 01:04

Ahh good old ms because it likes to help things along! I hope its something as silly as takeaways and going out, thats something you can work on together, me and Oh have had to start budgeting together recently, all our money was on crap! Hope you get some sleep and i dont know about you but lemonade helped my ms

Mantella · 23/05/2013 01:09

Try to get some sleep x

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/05/2013 06:59

You did exactly the right thing because he's been deceitful and selfish. And please..... start worrying about money. The only people who say money doesn't matter tend to be the ones that have piles of the stuff. Money emphatically does matter, especially when you have children, responsibilities & low incomes. As the saying goes 'when money goes out of the door, love goes out of the window' and couples who have different attitudes to spending and saving - and especially those who lie about what they've done with it - are the ones who are either a) miserable or b) split up.

Stay with your mum for a good long time. This is too important to go scuttling back quickly....

IcingTheCake · 23/05/2013 08:37

Hope your feeling better today, remembered something my dad always told me 'never argue money, you cant always argue over something you dont have' dont know if that helps you but my parents have been married 25 years and never argued about money because they lived by not arguing over what you dont have, its of course different because he mislead you but once youre through this it could help

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