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Plain lonely

(43 Posts)
onemoredayplease Wed 22-May-13 22:52:18

That's it really. Am lonely. We don't sleep together, can't remember the last time we had sex, very little affection usually only when I initiate. Don't really do anything together, don't even usually eat a meal together. Am lonely, tired and sad. I have a 10 year old living with us. I work full time in an emotionally demanding job could just do with some support which is freely given. hmm

triathlonmum Fri 24-May-13 12:31:41

Thanks Springy, been looking at some counsellors from that site - promising.

Onemore - would a friend have your daughter while you went to counselling?

springymater Fri 24-May-13 12:44:55

YOu don't have to explain why you want counselling, unless the money is joint and you have to run it by him before you commit? Does he have any hobbies/expenses that come out of the joint purse - if so, this is your hobby/expense. You absolutely don't have to justify or explain why you want counselling. That's like justifying why you want to go for eg a swim - you just want to.

onemoredayplease Fri 24-May-13 14:19:56

It's not the money. We have seperate accounts. I would have to explain why I need him to babysit. It's that simple. He won't volunteer to have her and will need a reason confused

springymater Fri 24-May-13 16:16:56

its not babysitting though, is it, when she's his own child?

mummytolucas411 Fri 24-May-13 16:48:42

I don't think she's his child.

onemoredayplease Fri 24-May-13 17:31:36

No she's not his child.

springymater Fri 24-May-13 17:43:59

Hang on - you're married, right? So the kids are both your kids, surely. ok he may not have adopted your daughter, but she's one of the children in your marriage.

I'm not quite getting how you have to justify with him time away from her. How about you'd like some time to yourself? You don't have to justify that.

She's 10 isn't she? What about going to a counsellor when she's at school.

(I'm finding it really hard to get my head around this tbh)

onemoredayplease Fri 24-May-13 21:39:35

No she isn't his daughter and they don't really get on. As I say we pretty much lead lives independent of each other so to ask him to babysit I would have to give a reason. It's just how it is. As I work full time I am really restricted.

onemoredayplease Fri 24-May-13 21:42:02

I'm not happy that I have to justify myself but I'm afraid I do when it comes to childcare. Just another sign that its an odd relationship. I would expect a partner to do this willingly and to offer when he can see I need time out but that just doesn't happen.

springymater Fri 24-May-13 21:52:18

that sounds like hell. Well, the whole thing sounds like hell. Can you get time off work to go to counselling? I really think you need it to work through this with someone. It sounds so painful sad

onemoredayplease Fri 24-May-13 22:15:49

Not sure. It's a possibility. Work are hugely supportive of me. My line manager is aware I have issues at home. It's all just so odd. Surely a partnership should be just that or am I unrealistic? I don't expect a lot. I am independent but I find this so weird. I just noticed he's marked on the calendar when he's off out with his son. No invite for us. Not even mentioned just put on the calendar.

springymater Sat 25-May-13 09:28:10

YOu are far from unrealistic. I don't know what's going on either, but it is daily rejection, very very painful.

You can't carry on like this, it's unbearable. Do research getting to counselling during work time. In fact, can you get some counselling through work?

onemoredayplease Sun 26-May-13 18:29:51

Been away for a couple of days with daughter. Think I know the outcome of this. It's not a normal relationship. I had been toying with the idea of relocating nearer to my family. I now know that's not what I want so that's one question answered. No matter what happens daughter and I will be in this county. Just making this decision helps. It breaks it down. It's not such a huge challenge now if I leave. I say if but I think I mean when. Taking daughter out for a drink in the sunshine now, he doesn't want to join us despite not seeing us for 48 hours. Says it all really. No mad passion here confused

StrangeGlue Sun 26-May-13 18:46:38

You can find a counsellor at the link below. Most do evenings, you could go after she goes to bed?

DippyDoohDahDay Sun 26-May-13 18:58:45

Op, good on you. I get the bit about third marriage, I have just divorced my second husband and have just posted about loneliness and fear that I won't meet anyone...I read your thread and just think wow, get you, excellent. You can't settle for that, it's stifling and suffocating. Best wishes

onemoredayplease Sun 26-May-13 20:09:16

Thanks both. Am in a good place at the minute. A trip home always helps me. Bit by bit things are working through. I now know I won't leave my job or the county where I live. That's two out of the 3 decisions I was wrestling with made and I feel content with those decisions. They are mine. Made calmly and rationally. The last is the biggest but I will get there. I now know its not me being unrealistic. This isn't normal. Even that helps. Thanks all. smile

springymater Mon 27-May-13 09:56:15

Well done onemore. YOu're sounding really positive. Well done for grasping the nettle. Wishing you the very best in your future.

Ilikethebreeze Mon 27-May-13 21:20:35

Are you married?

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