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Having a hard time with Dh

(6 Posts)
sooperdooper Wed 22-May-13 16:46:21

Just need somewhere to vent, having a hard time atm

DH suffers from depression and anxiety, and I've posted about this before, but the problem I'm having is that instead of talking to me about it, he pretends something else is wrong and I have to try and figure it out myself

At the weekend I was MOH at a friend's wedding, I went to the venue earlier to help and DH was due to come later on for the ceremony & meal

A couple of days before, he complained of a bad stomach after eating a takeaway, but instead of coming up to bed as I suggested, he stayed up until 7am and drank 2 bottles of wine, and a few beers. Then he slept all day, got up at 10pm and then sat up again - he has a habit of not sleeping when he's stressed and when he throws his sleeping pattern out he always feels ill but he won't listen to me even though I say this every time he does it

On the day of the wedding he said he'd come. I rang him so many times and he didn't pick up. Then he text me saying, 'I don't like being ill' but again wouldn't pickup and talk to me, so passive aggressive

He finally answered about 1.5 hrs before the cermony, said he was having a bath and would come later - I assumed he meant for the meal, but he didn't show up

I was so annoyed and embarrassed, my friends had paid for his meal and he was nowhere to be seen, people were asking me where he was

When I got home, he'd eaten the rest of the takeaway becuase he hadn't bothered to clear away his plate - so I asked him why he'd lied and said that had made him ill when it clearly wasn't that as he'd eaten it. It was an excuse because he didn't want to come, and I'm so mad at him, if he'd said he was anxious about it, or anything I could try and do something, but if he lies what can I do, I can't keep second guessing everything he says in case he actually means something different??

I'm so frustrated, this isn't the first time he's done something like this, I'm worn down by it, I try and be supportive but he gives me no support whatsoever sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 22-May-13 17:38:20

Is he getting treatment for this depression and anxiety?

cheapskatemum Wed 22-May-13 17:46:12

Is it usually social occasions that make him act subversively? Just a hunch; he might have Aspergers Syndrome. The anxiety about having to interact with so many people might make him feel physically sick. I f you don't know much about the condition, try Googling it & see if more of the characteristics apply to your DH.

kotinka Wed 22-May-13 17:55:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Springdiva Wed 22-May-13 21:09:24

Try to have a heart to heart and get to the bottom of this. Is he chronically shy? (if there is such a thing). Make it clear you don't like being lied to and won't put up with it. It would be better if he just said that he won't come to the event rather than this messing about.
Would he attend counselling or read some self help books. He is just hiding away from his problems at present which isn't helping things.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Wed 22-May-13 21:13:24

Alcohol is a depressant. Would it be worth him taking a tally of his drinking?

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