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Does being abused in the past increase the chances of one being abusive?

(7 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Tue 21-May-13 21:01:31

Just thinking about my behaviour in my past relationship. I was pretty good for most of it inc not getting jealous, etc but got really upset around the time of my period and taking it out on him. I caused a stupid row then goot upset, clingy and needy. Abandonment issues came up and ended it. Is it possible that my needyness was abusive?

springymater Tue 21-May-13 21:25:44

I've just ordered [http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=breaking+the+cycle+of+abuse&tag=mh0a9-21&index=aps&hvadid=37140710&ref=pd_sl_15q74rjt1o_e this]] book - 'Breaking the Cycle of Abuse - How to move beyond your past to create an abuse-free future' by Beverly Engel. It comes highly recommended by Lundy Bancroft, so you can't get better than that.

She says that if you have been abused it is not a case of if you abuse but how. That's a bitter pill to swallow. But I'm looking forward to reading it.

springymater Tue 21-May-13 21:26:12

this book

MadameBlavatsky Tue 21-May-13 21:31:28

I don't think neediness is abusive at all, abuse is about power and control. You were not abusive by being moody or needy!

toiletbrush Tue 21-May-13 21:43:33

I don't think so, infact I became hyper aware to the point that I couldn't assert myself for fear of being classed abusive.

Hissy Tue 21-May-13 23:31:40

springy, that book is AWESOME! good call!

Neediness comes from insecurity and fear. Bolster your self esteem and confidence (fake it if you have to, to begin with) and give yourself a damned good talking to when you recognise yourself clinging etc. Step back and try to detach.

The distance will help you maintain perspective, help you stay calm and in control.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 22-May-13 06:25:27

"got really upset around the time of my period and taking it out on him."

This isn't good behaviour but, if you recognise that, then you are half-way to resolving it. An abusive person would neither acknowledge the problem or try to change.

If you notice that you have low moods on a monthly basis there is a lot you can do by changing your lifestyle, especially diet. PCOS sufferers are increasingly advised to adopt a Low-Gi diet alongside any prescribed treatment. Keeping insulin levels more stable improves things like mood-swings. Worth researching.

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