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He's given me space... Now what?

(5 Posts)
Imnotagilmoregirl Tue 21-May-13 20:28:22

Hi all,

I previously posted about DH (has depression, addicted to porn, phone lines, strip clubs, seen prostitutes, etc)

I've been to the doctors, an I've sat and had so many conversations with DH. He's completely owned up, he wants me to be happy, either with or without him, promised to stand by me and DC whatever I decide. Basically, he's being perfect. He's gone to stay with family to give me space. So why don't I feel any better?

He has completely ticked every box to make things right again. Why can't I let it go? Why can't I get over it? If I didn't care about him, I wouldn't be sat here sobbing, but if I did care about him, I'd move past this and make a good life for us all, surely?

I don't suppose there is any answers... I'm just lost

Xales Tue 21-May-13 20:31:14

Too little too late?

How many years has he been like this?

How many days/weeks have you given yourself to try and get over it?

How can anyone get over the person who loves them using prostitutes? He has damaged you at one of the most basic levels possible.

Healing from that will take a very long time. And there will always be scars.

wendybird77 Tue 21-May-13 20:36:55

I would suggest you also need counselling - both joint and individual to help you work through it to whatever end. It isn't something that a week (or whatever) apart is going to resolve unfortunately - he has hurt you deeply and you need time and support to heal. I'm so very sorry this has been inflicted on you.

Imnotagilmoregirl Tue 21-May-13 20:39:33

He said he visited them years ago, before we were married, (been together 8 years married 5) but before Christmas he nearly went again (he withdrew the cash, and rang ahead to book, but bottled it as he was on his way over).

There's a lot of pressure to get over it, and I want to so much... But I can't. I just hope I'm not overreacting now and live to regret it later. Why isn't marriage straightforward?!

Lweji Tue 21-May-13 20:40:12

He needs to tick the box of maintaining his new attitude and earn your trust.

Anyone can be good for a while.

That's what the space is for. Give yourself at least a few months and then see how you feel and how he has behaved.

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