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I want him out of my life

(28 Posts)
jessievanleigh Tue 21-May-13 18:43:57

I am so angry at my husband I want him out off my life!
I have been married for 14 years I have 2 kids, I am 36 and take care of myself, however today was the final straw.
My computer broke a few days ago so I asked my husband if I could use his iPad to look for a new job. I have never used his iPad before never needed too. Anyway soon has I asked he started acting funny telling me only to go on one site because he didn't want his settings messed up.
I joked saying god anyone would think you had something to hide, anyway he went straight on the defence saying he had nothing to hide.
Anyway he typed in universal job site into the ipad so I only has to type in my pass word, however my pass word would not log on so I tapped the search engine only to get a list of the sites he had previously visited which where called little April takes cock.
I was horrified because this girl looked about 13 or 14 dressed like a child, now I am not a prude I know men look at porn but I do have a problem when it comes to porn that uses people that look under age.
It's not the first time this has happened I found a memory key with the same kind of porn on it a few years ago, he swore on our kids lives that he did not put it on the key and that the young lad at work give him the key for his computer and had told him it was blank!

I stupidly believed him, the thing is I was sexually abused has a teenager for many years by a member of my own family and he knows this, it turns my stomach to thing he has been getting off to these web sites that although they say the women are 18 they are making them look younger and use women who look like young teenagers.
I have told him it is over and want nothing to do with him, he says I am over reacting and that all men look at teenage girls and that the site says they are 18 so what's the problem.
This is a problem for me, I feel I am right to feel disgusted at this.
He is now trying to make me feel quilty about ending the marriage because the children will be upset.

jessievanleigh Tue 21-May-13 18:49:35

Please excuse the typos I had to use my mobile phone to post.

LulaPalooza Tue 21-May-13 18:52:07

All men do not look at teenage girls. Really, they don't. This is not about you, this is about him.

Get some space from him. I'm not surprised that this has hurt you and worried you.

There will be other people along in a minute to offer better and more considered advice, but I didn't want to read and run and can at least offer a virtual hand to hold.

bk1981 Tue 21-May-13 18:52:26

You are doing the right thing. The woman may all be over 18, but your husband is pretending they are not. The guilt lies with him.

mrscynical Tue 21-May-13 18:54:06

Not all men look at teenage girls - especially girls who may well actually be children. Very, very creepy. Get him out of your life now.

You could remember that if he is actually looking at child porn then if the police get involved he would not be allowed unsupervised access to his own children anyway.

Remove him from your life as quickly as possible.

Feelingsick12 Tue 21-May-13 18:58:58

For exactly the same reasons as you have mentioned, this would be my final straw.

I disagree with porn anyway but at the faintest suggestion of something involving children/teens, I would not feel safe having children or children's friends around this man as would be concerned about his state of mind.

No doubt a massive overreaction but rather that than have lives wrecked by abuse.

seriouslysleepdeprived Tue 21-May-13 18:59:43

You are right, you know you are. Don't let him fool you into believing otherwise, not again. Looking a young girls is not the norm or acceptable. Doubt he will see that though.

Sorry about the a use btw hmm

Leverette Tue 21-May-13 19:04:37

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsMangoBiscuit Tue 21-May-13 19:04:44

I just asked DH, and he looked horrified. Yanbu at all, your DH is. And guilting you is a nasty manipulation. Besides, I think you're children would be more upset to know about HIS input into the situation! He has caused this, not you.

bbqsummer Tue 21-May-13 19:08:26

Yuk. Bin. What a creep.

jessievanleigh Tue 21-May-13 19:33:10

Thank you for taking the time to reply, the sites do say the girls are 18 but they would not get alcohol at the bar and I know how old these girls look they have photos lying on child's beds with teddy bears etc it makes me sick, when I told him he makes me sick and these girls looked like children he went mad and pinned me against the wall saying he is not a beast! Oh I forgot to mention he is a sergeant in the police force.

BOF Tue 21-May-13 19:35:37

I'd call the police and report him for accessing child porn. He won't be popular with his colleagues. Sicko.

turbochildren Tue 21-May-13 19:39:04

Maybe he's not a beast, but he is a man looking at porn with girls/women made to look very underage. To pin you up against the wall is also unacceptable. As a police officer he should know this very well. Please get some help so that he leaves the house.

pictish Tue 21-May-13 19:39:15

Fucking hell. Get rid. Just get rid.

DianaTrent Tue 21-May-13 19:42:57

He pinned you to the wall and told you he wasn't a beast? Interesting contradiction there. I am so sorry, OP, this is not normal male behaviour at all and is most definitely not OK.

mousebacon Tue 21-May-13 19:43:26

I'd report it to the police and let them check he's not been looking at anything more obviously underage. The fact that he's a cop would give me an extra push tbh. Yuck sad

Sorry he's put you in this position OP.

Succoria Tue 21-May-13 20:07:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BasilBabyEater Tue 21-May-13 20:17:43

He's a perv, you know he is.

And he's a violent threatening perv as well.

And a dangerous one if he's a police officer - you need to be really careful here because he'll use his power as a police officer to really stitch you up if he can.

But you need to get rid of him, particularly if you have daughters. If I knew one of my neighbours looked at pictures of teenage girls (or women made to look like teenage girls) there's no way I'd allow my daughter to go to their house.

SisterMonicaJoan Tue 21-May-13 20:17:50

"child porn for those who don't fancy a criminal record"


And he's a police sergeant so he knows the score. He's panicking and lashing out because he knows how serious this is and how he will be "seen" by the authorities. Don't let him scare you, he has no right to attack you.

He is digusting and you would be doing the right thing getting rid of him. Good luck and I'm sorry this has happened to you.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 21-May-13 21:08:43

Hello Op

Both myself and dh enjoy porn occasionally, no not all men look at teenagers. My dh would vomit at even the idea of teenage girls portrayed in this way.
Does he have daughters?
I am so sorry and can understand why you are so upset by this. You have definitely done the right thing.

jessievanleigh Tue 21-May-13 21:18:08

Thanks again for replying it is helping me to stay strong, he is trying to brush it off like it is nothing, I can't believe it I am scared that he will use the fact he is a police officer against me. He thinks he can just make some feeble excuses and everything will go back to normal, he is wrong I am packing my stuff while he is in work. I can't believe I have wasted 14 years of my life with him.

foolonthehill Tue 21-May-13 21:23:23

Stay safe, leave and then report is the only way to make sure he does not turn things against you.

well done for seeing clearly through this

jessievanleigh Tue 21-May-13 21:26:00

I have a teenage son 13 and a 5 year old daughter these girls look like the age of my son, I have so much hate right now he is the only person who knows about the abuse I suffered, I feel so betrayed.

something2say Tue 21-May-13 21:30:48

Easy now......

I advise you NOT to say anything further to him about it.....he already had you up against the wall to shut you up.......

I agree, this is bang out of order. How can you get head space and time to process? Will he fuck off? Can you go in a spare room?

X. Just watch you avoid conflict on the matter. If he is a danger, treat him with care x

MrsTomHardy Tue 21-May-13 21:32:30

Please leave with your children, or kick him out....stay safe

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