Mother taking over my life - advice

[phoenix2]

my M is a widow. but she has a full life of hobbies, friends and even a boyfriend. she is not happy in her house and is trying to move but its taking time.
problem is she is taking over my life. she calls constantly not for anythign in particular just to chat and bitch about her friends and usually repeats things she has told me ten times previously.
if im not home she will ring and ask me where i am, if say i am going somewhere eg have an appointment she will want to know all about it.
she interferes with my children and fusses over every little thing they do - panics they are going to fall, choke you name it...
i have taken to not answering the door when she calls - then she will call again later and say she was up earlier where was I?
she is literally driving me around the bend. i hate the sight of her coming now. she offers no help with the dc's. she takes over if i have other visitors and have gone to the stage i dont even invite friends over for coffee because i know she will call.
this might all sound very irriatonal but i feel like i am under seige - we are not close anyway i wouldnt ever tell her anything personal because she would only go and repeat it to all her friends - so what is the point in calling every day.??
i tried to subtly say to her a few weeks ago to let me know what time she is thinking of calling every day so i can plan around her, i said if i knew you were calling i would wait until you came to do my shopping, shower or whatever so she could keep an eye on the kids, she didnt take kindly to this at all but i thought she had got the message. in fact she has gotten worse since then
advice please. i am very unassertive and hate conflict but i am already under alot of stress and she is pushing me to my limit.
there was a time when dc's were born she would help out a bit but now its literally just sitting there talking pure sh*t and infering in my life...
help................ she is toxic

[Walkacrossthesand]

'Usually repeats things she has told me 10 times previously ' - how old is your mum? Has her personality changed? Is she more forgetful, has this all happened since your DF died? Is it possible she has early dementia (sorry) and these are the signs?

[Shellywelly1973]

Sounds like your in such an awkward position.

My mil, who i get on with very well, started to come around alot after Ds was born. I had to say to to her, 'Can u call on Tuesday & Thursday- I've got plans for the other days'.

I once had a neighbour who used to call uninvited & stay for hours...in the end i would keep her at the front door & wouldn't invite her in...it took ages but eventually she phoned before coming round.

There are 2 issues here. Your mothers unwanted visits and the poor relationship. Could or do you even want to improve your relationship? If so maybe you could make plans to meet for a coffee, anything as long as its away from your house!

Good luck.

[DontmindifIdo]

If you don't want to tell her directly you don't want daily visits, then you are going to have to stop being available. Plan a reason to be out every day - and go out, dump her calls, if she wants to know where you are, just say "out" and ask her what she wants because if it's just a chat, you're busy.

But I think you'd be better off telling her directly.