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Lundy Bancroft. I think I love him

(42 Posts)
fromparistoberlin Mon 20-May-13 12:45:26

such an amazing book

Its helped me so much, and taught me so much

thats they are entitled
that their abuse makes things easy for them
that its a cultural/engrained
thats couples counselling/AA will not acheive jack shit
how society enables abuse

I am now resolved to get counselling, and fucking stick up for myself

I really feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders
Last week I was so depressed I was having suicidal thoughts

wow, and the sad thing..its happens to so many people

TurnipCake Mon 20-May-13 12:49:16

Lundy Bancroft is marvellous. Glad it has helped you and that you're going to move forward positively smile

Leverette Mon 20-May-13 12:52:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

meddie Mon 20-May-13 12:53:49

I made my daughter read it . Every woman should read it. It should be on the school curriculum

mindalina Mon 20-May-13 12:54:14

He is brill isn't he. I'm currently waiting for his book on helping kids deal with domestic abuse thanks to a recommendation from another poster, and while its gutting to need it, I'm really looking forward to getting it as I'm hoping it will help DS as much as 'Why Does He Do That' helped me. Well done you and good luck flowers

JennyEnglishTwo Mon 20-May-13 12:59:26

Yes, I only finally read the book about five years after leaving my x. I had known he was abusive, but it was brilliant. The Water Torturer and The Blamer.... there you go, finally! labels for the hell I'd endured!

If I say to any of you on this thread I spent 8 years with a Water Torturer/Blamer then you'll know what I mean! so good to have that understanding here (on mn I mean really, so many get it).

Noregrets78 Mon 20-May-13 13:13:52

oo me too I love that book. Such a relief when you're married to a man who appear to be so unique and unpredictable, to find out it's so common there's a book on the subject!

He says things which previously would have upset me, now I think to myself 'yes I knew you'd say that...'

Just waiting for decree nisi :-)

pictish Mon 20-May-13 13:15:41

It's an amazing book. I love him too.

AnyFucker Mon 20-May-13 13:34:04

He is excellent

mcmooncup Mon 20-May-13 13:39:31

I'd snog him if I met him. For sure.

NightOfTheCactus Mon 20-May-13 13:49:57

I've just read a bit of it on the Amazon preview and am now ordering a copy. Made the decision to split with H a month ago, and have been wavering - but some of the stuff I've just read resonates with me so hard I feel I've just been punched. I've always looked at descriptions of emotional abuse and felt that H didn't fit into it (i.e. he has never stopped me going out/withheld money/cut me off from people). It is a relief to see the things I actually have been through acknowledged

ColinCaterpillar Mon 20-May-13 14:49:12

Needs to be on kindle Saint Lundy pleeeeeease!

dandydorset Mon 20-May-13 14:52:21

agree should be on school ciriculum

im half way through mine

betterthanever Mon 20-May-13 14:54:27

I need him in court with me next month, I have just lent my copy to a friend and I miss it already - it is wonderful.

captainmummy Mon 20-May-13 14:57:12

It's a 'He'?? I assumed it was a she. Not read it myself, but maybe i should.

Glad it's helped so many - i often see it recommended on DV threads.

AnyFucker Mon 20-May-13 15:02:11

Lundy is a he. smile

Kaykat Mon 20-May-13 17:38:15

'When dad hurts mom. Helping your children heal the wounds of witnessing abuse'

This book is wonderful it helped me so much. So many wonderful well researched suggestions and builds your confidence to realise you are already doing so much right.

I haven't read his other books yet but I intend to. I want to be able to spot them a mile off in future.

Walkacrossthesand Mon 20-May-13 17:48:28

Thanks to frequent mentions on MN I've got a copy and am reading it though I'm single and have never been in an abusive relationship... I have daughters and want to know what might be awaiting them 'out there'...

PetalsonTheWind Mon 20-May-13 17:53:13

I need this book! Can't get it on Kindle <boo> Shall see if my library has it.

akaWisey Mon 20-May-13 18:11:48

I've just ordered it from Amazon. I'm not in a relationship but I've had my share of fuckwits and I don't intend to go down that road again.

indigosunset Mon 20-May-13 18:20:39

This thread spurred me to buy it too.. it was on my to-do list!

fromparistoberlin Tue 21-May-13 13:05:27

Lundy need to send me a shout, as have generated him 3 sales and bought a copy for someone too!!!!


phoenix2 Tue 21-May-13 16:06:12

Lundy literally changed my life.
I saw my h on every page of his book. Like someones else said i thought my H was unique or perhaps ill. the book opened my eyes to what was really happening.
Only pity is i got my H out of my house and life but then a year later i let him move back in again. I gave him my book to read so he could understand himself!!!!!!!!! I have never seen it since.
Now i just have to work out how to get him back out again as he hasnt changed one bit......... what a fool i am.......

JennyEnglishTwo Tue 21-May-13 19:29:20

What did he make of the book phoenix? I'm sure my x would have been so disparaging about it.

turbochildren Tue 21-May-13 19:44:45

I second all of this. Was flabbergasted to find out Lundy was a he, as first time I read it (in library) I thought it was a she. It was like a punch in the stomach to recognise so much, but oh so liberating reading it again. Scales fell from eyes etc. Wouldn't make the abusive men read it though, they'll find a wonderful manipulative twist to it, no doubt. "It's your fault I need to own you" or some such thing...
The "When dad hurts mom" is very useful too. It reinforces my stance to protect my children. It's of course shit that it came to that, but there it is.

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