He is brill isn't he. I'm currently waiting for his book on helping kids deal with domestic abuse thanks to a recommendation from another poster, and while its gutting to need it, I'm really looking forward to getting it as I'm hoping it will help DS as much as 'Why Does He Do That' helped me. Well done you and good luck
Yes, I only finally read the book about five years after leaving my x. I had known he was abusive, but it was brilliant. The Water Torturer and The Blamer.... there you go, finally! labels for the hell I'd endured!
If I say to any of you on this thread I spent 8 years with a Water Torturer/Blamer then you'll know what I mean! so good to have that understanding here (on mn I mean really, so many get it).
I've just read a bit of it on the Amazon preview and am now ordering a copy. Made the decision to split with H a month ago, and have been wavering - but some of the stuff I've just read resonates with me so hard I feel I've just been punched. I've always looked at descriptions of emotional abuse and felt that H didn't fit into it (i.e. he has never stopped me going out/withheld money/cut me off from people). It is a relief to see the things I actually have been through acknowledged
Thanks to frequent mentions on MN I've got a copy and am reading it though I'm single and have never been in an abusive relationship... I have daughters and want to know what might be awaiting them 'out there'...
Lundy literally changed my life. I saw my h on every page of his book. Like someones else said i thought my H was unique or perhaps ill. the book opened my eyes to what was really happening. Only pity is i got my H out of my house and life but then a year later i let him move back in again. I gave him my book to read so he could understand himself!!!!!!!!! I have never seen it since. Now i just have to work out how to get him back out again as he hasnt changed one bit......... what a fool i am.......
I second all of this. Was flabbergasted to find out Lundy was a he, as first time I read it (in library) I thought it was a she. It was like a punch in the stomach to recognise so much, but oh so liberating reading it again. Scales fell from eyes etc. Wouldn't make the abusive men read it though, they'll find a wonderful manipulative twist to it, no doubt. "It's your fault I need to own you" or some such thing... The "When dad hurts mom" is very useful too. It reinforces my stance to protect my children. It's of course shit that it came to that, but there it is.