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My husband is so, so angry with me

(90 Posts)
Fiordaliso Sun 19-May-13 13:45:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 19-May-13 13:49:51

Would divorce be an option? You'd get every other week-end off and one day in the week (at least), you'd get tax credits and maintenance to live on and your son wouldn't have to be poisoned by his fathers lies - result all round. smile

Hope you get well soon, but I think when your better you've got some serious decisions to make about your relationship.

TurnipCake Sun 19-May-13 13:52:15

What an utter arsehole.

Short of never ever falling sick, you can only control how you respond, but I think you need to take a long hard look at your relationship when you're better

Fiordaliso Sun 19-May-13 13:54:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pandemoniaa Sun 19-May-13 13:55:37

This is not the way that loving partners behave when one of them is ill. You really do have to take a very close look at your relationship when you feel a bit better. Because how your DH is behaving is just plain wrong.

Portofino Sun 19-May-13 13:57:00

He sounds like a complete selfish pig.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 19-May-13 13:57:16

stop jumping through hoops, apologising for things you haven't done, and pandering to a selfish arsehole.

Tell him if he's not happy to fuck off. Why should you support him? What does he do to support you?

BendyBusBuggy Sun 19-May-13 13:59:07

fiordaliso, you've explained how your husband feels about you. How do you feel about him? Do you love him still? (I realise there are other reasons for being in a relationship, but are you clear why you want to be with him? )

TheVermiciousKnid Sun 19-May-13 13:59:39

Stop blaming yourself! Your husband is doing enough of that already.

Why the hell was he understandably upset at your reaction? Your reaction sounds perfectly understandable!

It sounds to me like he makes it all about himself - what about supporting you?

And if you're ill with flu, of course he needs to step up. Being angry at you because you are ill is incredibly ridiculous.

It really isn't up to you to stop him being angry, that's something for him to do. You have done nothing wrong. He, on the other hand, is being an arse.

I hope you feel better soon.

BendyBusBuggy Sun 19-May-13 14:00:09

It sounds like LTB isn't what you're looking for

ElectricSheep Sun 19-May-13 14:00:49

Reacting badly (ie selfishly/angrily) when you are ill is a behaviour pattern typical of emotional abuse. My X did it all the time. It was horrible because I always knew I could never depend on him, he'd always make a bad situation worse and would always kick me while I was down.

Is this ringing any bells?

TurnipCake Sun 19-May-13 14:02:17

I think he does know why, I think he wants you to find the situation so intolerable that you'll be the person to walk away so he can absolve himself of any guilt of a break up. Instead, you're maintaining the status quo, which makes him angry at you.

How on earth are you supposed to correctly react to someone saying they don't feel close to you anymore, on the back of infidelity in the past which is triggering a motherlode of fear in you. And you're apologising?! hmm

cory Sun 19-May-13 14:02:47

It sounds very much as if everything that happens in this relationship is your fault and if only you could have the right reactions at every precise moment everything would be hunky-dory. Wonder why you feel like that... hmm

Pollydon Sun 19-May-13 14:02:50

You can't do anything to make it better. He is being an inconsidorate arse. If he acts like this whenever you are ill he has no empathy for you sad

Spookey80 Sun 19-May-13 14:02:54

Me and my dh usually have a good relationship however when I am ill, he is too an arsehole.
He doesn't get angry at me, but just has no compassion at all,
He and his dm are the type that never get ill and seem to think it unbelievable that I would even contemplate a trip to the doctor.
As we have 2 young dcs, I seem to have had a few years of getting bugs as normally I am fairly healthy. He just ignored the fact and would basically not give me any extra breaks with the dcs, last time it happened about a month ago, I got so upset I spoke to my dm about it and she said that I needed to tell him how much he upset me, so I did, and he did apologise.
So not much advice, but I do feel you need to tell him how much this has upset you, he needs to understand this.
And I hope you feel better soon.
Hug for you.

TheVermiciousKnid Sun 19-May-13 14:05:25

Are you sure he is not having an affair this time?

OpheliasWeepingWillow Sun 19-May-13 14:06:03

Well he's useless. That's about the sum of it. Why are you blaming yourself? Why are you feeling sorry for him?

Ship in a mother, friend or other competent person for the duration and tell him to go berate someone else.

Cloverer Sun 19-May-13 14:09:01

What a bastard!

So, he's abusive to you (and your DS) because you are ill

He's cheated on you with at least two people

He tells you that he feels disengaged from you/your child and then makes it your fault that you are upset?

Is there anything good about this man?

WinkyWinkola Sun 19-May-13 14:12:07

He's a creepy guy.

He's probably having another affair.

Your being ill is inconvenient to him.

I'd tell him to eff off actually and go and be a miserable bastard somewhere else.

You're worth so much more than this horrible egocentric wally.

Fiordaliso Sun 19-May-13 14:12:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether Sun 19-May-13 14:13:44

You must feel like you're treading on eggshells, living with this man.

His behaviour when you're ill is absolutely disgusting. All he has to do is look after his own son for the weekend. He is resentful and jealous of you when you are too ill to get out of bed. You can judge someone's true worth by how they treat you when things are difficult and he's proving himself to be worthless.

He has had two affairs (bear in mind nobody ever knows the full story so there may well be more) and confronts you saying he doesn't feel close to you. Are you expected to put your arm around him and say, "Oh you poor thing"?

Frankly, it sounds as though he wants to end the relationship but hasn't the guts to do it. Do you think he's seeing someone else? Be realistic. You thought you were getting on alright - he could have appeared happier because he's up to no good. In my experience the only thing that makes men talk like that is if there's someone else they have their eye on. I'm sorry if this upsets you.

If someone treated me like that when I was so ill I couldn't get out of bed, and if they talked about me like that to my child, I wouldn't want to live with them any more.

Fiordaliso Sun 19-May-13 14:14:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu Sun 19-May-13 14:14:46

Is he depressed?

Of course you can't do anything when you have flu.

Are you a sahm or wohm? Does he normally expect you to do childcare and household stuff at weekends while he recovers from his busy stressful work week? If so, when are you supposed to have your day off?

Maybe he is stressed, depressed and feeling out of control as a result - and trying to blame you as a way of feeling some control?

It sounds as if you have not really recovered from his past infidelity, hardly surprising if he isn't prepared to make it 'all about you' for at least part of the conversation!

Since he seemed to want to talk to you about how he knew he was treating you badly, and if we take him at face value on that, would counselling be a possibility?

Sympathies anyway - you are poor;y and you need people being sympathetic, not shouting at you and guilt-tripping you.

Blu Sun 19-May-13 14:16:04

x-posted.

You really shouldn't be feeling it is your fault unless you generally are v lax about your part of the partnership.

NotDavidTennant Sun 19-May-13 14:16:31

What was the outcome of his infidelity? Did he volunatrily accept he was in the wrong and give it up? Or would he have still carried it on if he hadn't been found out?

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