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Is this EA or is he just a twat?

(15 Posts)
Souredstones Sun 19-May-13 12:23:44

My husband is a twat I know that much but I don't know if this has entered the realms of EA or I should just stop analysing things and just LTB

it's basically about the condition of the house, which is owned by MIL but rented by us. It was a dive when I moved in and slowly I've been doing it up as husband has protested against every brush stroke in the house and plant planted in the garden. We have children and the husband along with them is just one monumental mess maker. We both work full time but he still expects me to be a little housewife. All housework and cooking and mending and ferrying around of the children he sees as my job.

At the weekends I don't go at the housework hammer and tongs but it gets done while pottering about and relaxing. Yet husband sees fit to tell MIL and his friends that the mess is my doing and that he is the only one who does any work around the home. I'm sick of it. If I leave it to him to do it never gets done and then it gets worse and the comments from him get worse. He is always saying that he feels embarrassed he can't have people over, that he thinks we should just be able to maintain it and it shouldn't be a big job to do...note the use of 'we' there...

If you talk to him and MIL the house was, apparently, spotless before I moved in. It wasn't. It was a hovel with cracked walls, mouldy carpets and cobwebs in every corner. It was revolting. Now it's a home not a pile of shitty bricks and crap colour schemes.

Now my gripe isn't about the housework it's about the constant snipes, undermining and snarky comments he feels fit to make to everyone. I don't know why he can't just admit he has a hand in it and the family home should be managed by us as a family. I am now at the point I can't talk to him, he won't listen, I'm done with it really.

TurnipCake Sun 19-May-13 12:27:11

I think in the long run you'd be much happier (and have less crap to tidy up) if you called it a day. Don't blame you for sounding royally fed up. Who have you got in terms of real life support?

Nehru Sun 19-May-13 12:28:14

Why are you so involved with your mil?

Souredstones Sun 19-May-13 12:30:25

Husband is an only child and she's remarried and moved out the property. We needed a family home and she let us have one

Nehru Sun 19-May-13 12:31:37

But all these conversations about housework ?

Souredstones Sun 19-May-13 12:33:39

Every time she visits she snipes about the house and he happily tells her it's my doing

PurplePidjin Sun 19-May-13 12:37:10

Sounds like the labels don't matter - you're at the end of your tether and have lost all respect for him.

If you'd be happier apart, leave. Or at least get everything together so you can smile

Souredstones Sun 19-May-13 12:39:45

I think that's exactly it

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 19-May-13 12:42:22

We needed a family home and she let us have one

No she didn't. What she did was to rent it to you and maintain ownership of the property herself in order to prevent you from having half of it should you ever divorce.

They both sound utterly unpleasant.

I would urge you to put a stop to this situation as soon as possible by insisting that you and your husband buy your own home in both your names.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 19-May-13 12:44:34

oh and if he won't agree to this, LTB, absolutely, he doesn't sound much help anyway. Whats the point of a partner who isn't doing half of the unpaid domestic work? Might as well swap him for tax credits grin

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 19-May-13 12:45:31

They and they alone will benefit from anything you do for the house

Lweji Sun 19-May-13 13:04:36

Of course you could stop doing things in the house, just for a few weeks, so that they know what your contribution is.

Lweji Sun 19-May-13 13:06:15

Does it matter what your MIL thinks, though?

I think your problems are more that he doesn't contribute in the home, and your home is not yours at all, not even his.

You'd probably be better off renting elsewhere and ditching the bastard, if he doesn't come to his senses soon.

Souredstones Sun 19-May-13 22:09:37

It bothers me because I get it in the neck from him when she's been bitching at him.

I'm currently sat in the bathroom pretending to be on the loo to get away from him. Latest row is another petty one. I did the work and school ironing today and stripped the beds ready to be made when I next went up. I'd placed the ironed clothing on the beds for whoever to put away when they went upstairs. Husband has been in the pub all afternoon, decided he wants to pass out early, shouts at me for the state of the bedrooms, and throws all the ironing on the floor saying I'm a lazy bitch and he's sick of the state the house is in.

I'm going to sleep in with one of the kids tonight, I hate him when he's drunk (so in general I hate every Sunday) it just makes everything 100x worse

BMW6 Mon 20-May-13 08:21:32

Good grief LTB asap. Take the kids and run far far away, for their sake if not yours.

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