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Ex stealing from me

(17 Posts)
Toni2710 Sun 19-May-13 10:28:25

I broke up with my ex (who has borderline personality disorder) in feb as he cheated on me one time too many. I have stood by him through three court cases for theft/credit card fraud. One of which resulted in a 16m prison sentence.

He appeared to be a decent, educated man and wooed me til I fell head over heels when I was 19. I have absolutely no idea why I have put up with everything he's put me through over the years. I'm not stupid and am degree educated and from a decent family.

Anyway, we've been broken up 4 months. It's been odd as he had nowhere to go so stayed at 'our' house in the spare room some nights. However I moved on Friday with our son who is 19m old.

He has begun seeing a new woman, met online a month ago, and apparently they are already in love etc. although I broke up with him it really hurt. He is planning on introducing ds to her today and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Anyway, I noticed on Tuesday that £50 was missing for my bank account. It has become apparent that he stole my card and then the money. He has also taken money I had in the house, justifying it by saying he would give it back. The final straw this week has been the stealing of a huge box of no7 toiletries and makeup worth about £100 that was unused in my wardrobe. He stole this from me and have it to his new gf. I asked her about it via Facebook and she lied, saying she never received it. However, I've snooped and found that this was not true. Ex has finally admitted all of the above.

I just don't know what to do. Do I report this to the police? He's on a suspended sentence at the moment and it could land him in prison, but I just can't believe he has stolen from me. I also believe he's stolen £100 from my Nanna in the last two months.

I'm thinking of my son. Would potentially putting his dad in prison be terrible? He is a good dad, but I feel he's getting caught up in crime again and will end up there anyway. He has 'aquired' and iPad which he says is on loan from a friend, but I believe this not to be the case, and is also driving around an uninsured car with no tax or mot

Sorry this is so long but what do I do? Would you report him or not? For all he's a decent dad, surely the fact he is committing crimes will hurt ds unless it's stopped.

Nb he wa getting treatment for the bpd but has since stopped and I believe he is burying his head in the sand and trying to impress the new gf (who knows he has been to prison shock) wish I had known when I met him!!

Thanks so much

OddSockMonster Sun 19-May-13 10:33:52

Have you cancelled the bank card? Is there anyway he can still steal from you?

I'm not sure what to suggest about reporting it, what do you feel you should do?

Toni2710 Sun 19-May-13 10:43:32

I got my bank card back but I still need to cancel it. I don't think he could physically steal anything else from me but he could take out credit in my name I guess. I'm going to get a copy of my credit report to check he hasn't already.

Re what to do, I just don't know. Part of me thinks 'why should he get away with it again' (he was looking at 18m for last offence and managed to get away with suspended sentence and community service), but then I don't know if it was have a negative effect on ds. At the same time, I think he will commit further offences regardless so am 90% sure hell end up in prison anyway. I'm also not sure how much of this is me wanting to hurt him for everything he's put me through and also because he us being incredibly demanding and unreasonable re contact. I wish I had never met that toxic man, at least I have ds to show for it. Just feel like be should have had a decent daddy.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 19-May-13 12:08:27

Report it if you feel strongly about it. I don't think it matters if you're motivated by revenge or bitterness, frankly, if you can get the police to take you seriously, you should give it a shot.

In the meantime, if I were you, I would cancel all my bank and credit cards, get them replaced with new ones, change the passwords on all my accounts, make sure that all your possessions are where you expect them to be ... basically assume that his thieving hasn't stopped at the bank card and a few cosmetics.

NatashaBee Sun 19-May-13 12:30:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam Sun 19-May-13 12:33:25

What is he doing entering your house in the first place? Put a stop to that for a start. Cancel the card, check out your credit rating in case he's been amassing debt or whatever in your name.
And withdraw. Only have dealings with him on a needs must basis.

RandomMess Sun 19-May-13 12:39:43

Yes report him, he is being a very bad example to your child. What if he has a car accident uninsured. It's almost certain he will try and take out credit in your name/against your property sad

MimmeeBack Sun 19-May-13 12:49:48

Report it. Don't let him in your house again. Don't let your child in his car unless you have proof that he is insured.

Lweji Sun 19-May-13 12:54:17

How is he a good dad if he's stealing?
Will he be showing his son how to steal, eventually?

If you don't report it, you do have to ensure the safety of your belongings.

In any case, if he goes to prison it will be for months, rather than years, so he can resume his relationship with his son.

Seabright Sun 19-May-13 14:35:51

Report him. He's not being a good dad; he's a thief. If your DS had had some birthday money in the house, would he have stolen that too? Probably, from your description of him.

Doha Sun 19-May-13 15:36:33

Oh God this is a no brainer.

Report him, it's not your fault he is a liar and a thief. Perhaps-just perhaps if he does go to prison he may learn his lesson and become a better example to your DS.
Please do it

SugarPasteGreyhound Sun 19-May-13 19:11:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAmNotAMindReader Sun 19-May-13 19:34:56

Cancel the card and report it to the police. He is not a good father. He has stolen form you and your Nan and the only reason he hasn't stolen from his son is that he has nothing he sees as worth stealing yet. Protect him from ever having ot go through that by acting now. It will happen the man has no conscience especially if ocurt appearances have not discouraged him.

IAmNotAMindReader Sun 19-May-13 19:35:54

ffs sake excuse typos fingers uncoordinated.

MeNeedShoes Sun 19-May-13 19:43:23

FFS report him. On what planet is this man a good dad? How can a man who treats you, the mother of his son, like shit be a good dad?

And under no circumstances let him stay in your house again. I'm really not trying to be horrible (although I do get the red mist reading threads like this) but let me spell this out for you:

-Your ex is a serial cheater and thief
-You pitied him and stood by him in court / let him stay in your house
-He rewarded your kindness foolishness by stealing your money and makeup to reel in his next girlfriend victim (interesting that she's already lying on his behalf)
- On no fucking planet would an uninsured driver be driving my DS anywhere.

Toni2710 Sun 19-May-13 23:52:37

Thanks everyone for all your advice! I appreciate it all!
Still not sure what I'm going but will ensure my Nanna and myself receive all monies due before I take any further action.

CuChullain Mon 20-May-13 08:55:17

I admire your restraint so far

As others have said:

Cancel all your bank cards
Check your credit score with Experian to see if any identity fraud has taken place or additional credit has been taken out in your name.
If he is on the electoral register at your address inform your local authority that he has moved out. You dont want any record of him at your address as it will balls up your credit score.
Change the locks on your home
Switch all your bills and bank statements to paperless online only.
Change all your email passwords
Buy a shredder and destroy any financial records/utility bills older than two years old. Keep what you have left under lock and key
Stop letting him stay over at your house no matter what the sob story
Contact time with the daughter should be on natural territory, do not let him in to your home.
Tell him he has one week to return the money and toiletries or you will call the Rozzers.

For the record, good dads do not jail time or steal.

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