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Whole family that dont show affection(9 Posts)
Hi I will try to keep this brief
My grandmother is an amazing person, very loving towards her family but she doesnt show affection ie gives kisses, cuddles, hold hands etc. In turn this has passed on to my mother who has passed it on to me.
My own mother has never been the cuddly, kisses type. Dont get me wrong we have a brilliant relationship and are very close but sometimes just a simple cuddle would have been nice.
Its affected me in the way of relationships, one ex ecen called me an 'ice woman' because I never showed affection, or felt awkward and uncomfortable when I recieved it.
Fast forward to now and I have a one year old dd. Its like the floodgates have open and I cant stop cuddling and kissing my daughter and showering her with affection. Im sure my mother and grandmother were like this when we were babies, its hard not to cuddle and kiss a baby! I think it developed as maybe grew older, I dont know.
So basically im worried the cycle will happen again, I really dont want this issue to be in mine and my daughters relationship. Is there anuthing else I can do apart from give lots of kisses, cuddles and welcome them from her when shes older?
Thanks for reading if you have got this far
Break the cycle yourself consciously. You are already doing the right thing, just keep it up as you say!
It won't happen again because you've already broken the cycle. Our family's the same. Not big on 'mush' (as I call it) and the love is clear but unspoken rather than demonstrative. By contrast, my DS and I are always hugging (even though he's nearly 13 now and almost as tall as me!) we say 'I love you' to each other fairly regularly and, if you carry on with your DD the way you've started, I don't think you have anything to worry about.
My family are not the cuddly type. My dd is very cuddled. Even my dad who flinched when i gave him a millenium hug in 2000 (by accident) insists on a kiss and cuddle from her when she leaves. Children are quite good at warming up cold families I find! Keep doing what youre doing.
Keep doing what you are doing and don't give up as she grows, we are all human beings we definitely need to show affection and receive it. It makes both the person giving it & the recipient feel good.
My family is like this. I think a lot of it is due to their generation. It wasn't the done thing to show affection (and my mother had 'issues'). My gran was born in 1900 and my parents in the 1930s.
Im not like them at and cuddle and kiss my children at every opportunity. You've already broken the cycle.
I think you'll be fine - you've spotted and want to break that cycle so you're already there really.
Our family are close but it still surprised me to see my (grown-up) cousins cuddling up to my auntie on the sofa recently. It's made me realise, there's no cut-off point and I intend to still be
embarassing hugging my kids into their teens and adulthood.
Thankyou everyone for your kind words. They have been very reassuring
I will continue to enjoy our cuddles and be confident we will have an affectionate relationship.
I agree with all the posts OP. As you are aware of the issue in your family around hugs/cuddles etc, you are already doing things differently. I totally agree with Oddsock that even when dd is an uber cool teen, with a vile attitude and even viler habits, carry on with the cuddles/kisses/saying how much you love her. Even though she might feign disgust/embarrassment/tell you she's too old etc, underneath it is still as important as when she was tiny/cute/didn't go out in 8" heels and a dress barely covering her bum.
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