Hi this is my first time posting but have read a lot of threads on here which have helped me reach this decision. Long story short, have been with boyfriend three years, have ds2 and am 33 weeks pregnant. Obviously fell pg with ds pretty quickly so wasn't fully aware that boyfriend had a serious weed addiction. Overlooked that for sake of ds. When just out of hospital after having ds found fb sexts and we split up, he moved out for about three months. Decided to try again and things really improved for a long time, we were happy. Found out I was pg again November last year. A week later bf had a seizure through the night and was in intensive care in a drug induced coma - through a bit of snooping I found out he'd taken cocaine the night before so docs put it down to that. Gave him another chance for childrens sake. Snooping on phone (again) around march time and found texts from a woman saying they'd slept together etc etc. he denied it and I decided to forget it due to being pregnant and vulnerable. Last week he lost his job due to gross misconduct, not doing his job basically. Since then he hasn't bothered to look for another and has been short tempered. All this came to a head today, he shouted and swore aggressively at me in front of ds, I locked him out of the house, he smashed living room window. Police called but he told them he had nowhere to go so me and ds had to leave. Everything in the house was bought by me, he had nothing when we met. Tenancy is in joint names so apparently I can't make him leave. I now have to pay for him to live there because I don't want to go back if he's there and police won't remove him. I'm at a relatives now short term but what can I do? Any advice would be appreciated. I work shifts and am supposed to be on 2-10 next week so god knows who will watch ds while I'm there. I feel totally lost
This makes my blood boil, due to various similarities with my own life, but I'll try not to hijack your post!
Well done for calling the police, and well done for leaving. I'm hoping you've made the decision that you're not getting back together - he won't change, get out now while your children are still young.
There are things that can be done to get him out, although often more complicated than they sound. It may be easier to get yourself settled somewhere else, get your name off the tenancy so you no longer have to pay.
But I'm really no expert. Have you tried the legal board? They have various family solicitors who reply to threads on there, and are great at this sort of thing.
Thank you for the reply, I'm no further forward today. He's in the house with everything and me and ds are living out of a suitcase but I'm still responsible for the rent and bills. I think my only option is to find somewhere else to live and hope I still have some belongings left when I get somewhere. In the meantime I have to give notice on the tenancy and still pay half the rent, as well as rent on a new place. I hate him.
The suicide threats are just his attempt to control you and get you to come back. Equally I doubt he'll leave the home as he figures you'll have to come back eventually. Find out your rights, claim everything you're entitled to, lean on family and friends in the short term. It will sort itself out in the end and life will be good.
Are you due to go on maternity leave soon? Could you start that early? There are lots of people who may be able to help - eg midwife will be keen to see you settled before baby arrives. Definitely try the legal board reckon they'll give you really good advice.
ignore the suicide threats. He is very unlikely to go through with it. It is more than likely an attempt to manipulate you. He is responsible for his own choices.
Get your name off the tenancy right away. Is there anyone who can go with you to collect your belongings or could you call the police (non emergency number) and see if they offer support to someone trying to get their stuff if there is a risk of altercation?
And go through solicitors/court for everything to do with access etc.
You need to speak to a solicitor. You can apply for an occupation order which excludes your ex partner from the property. Your prospects of success depend on the circumstances and you would need to discuss those in person. This is one of the few things you can still get legal aid for.
As a landlord, I suggest you have a frank discussion. Your landlord may be very understanding and agree to removing you from the tenancy or some other solution. Windows being smashed etc can give some grounds for a speedy eviction, followed by allowing you to move back in without dp.
Thank you everyone, we're now back in the house and he's gone for now - although I know I can't stop him coming back in. I'm going to ring landlord and ask to have tenancy in my name only. Next problem is work tomorrow, hopefully I can get signed off because I don't have childcare.
Your ll doesn't have the ability to do that. You are likely to have an assured shorthold tenancy. There are various grounds for bringing the tenancy to an end but they require notice. The best way is to exclude him for the rest of the tenancy by way of an occupation order and then ask your landlord for a new tenancy in your sole name once the notice period has expired. Unfortunately it is not as simple as having your name removed.
Ah right I see, yes we do have an assured short hold tenancy, although it expired a while ago so I think it's just a rolling month contract now. I'll seek legal advice tomorrow. Now he's saying he'll give up the drugs, shame he couldn't have done that in the first place.