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Distinct lack of sex in our relationship

(67 Posts)
LittleBabyLucas Sat 18-May-13 19:33:56

Long story short, my man has admitted he would rather have a wank than have sex with me.

I feel degraded. I feel like im nothing more than a skivvy who does his washing, cooks his meals etc.

He wants to have a threesome, I said no and that somethings should stay as a fantasy.

He is refusing to talk about it.

First he said its cos I had to come off the pill due to being allergic to progesterone - put something on the end of it I replied.

Next was I was never up for it and never came on to him - I threw myself at him, jumped him in the shower, caught him on the stairs etc

3rd is he doesn't like condoms - now im getting really pissed off!

4th he requested that I wear dresses and skirts and high heels around the house - I did this along with throwing myself at him still nothing.

On the rare occasion that we do have sex he insists on filming it. No idea why?!

Im getting to the point where I feel like telling him either you do it or you leave.

I've suggested councilling, sex therepy etc he isn't interested

This isn't healthy for a relationship what else can I do?

Numberlock Sat 18-May-13 19:40:47

Why would you even want to stay?

lemonandice Sat 18-May-13 19:42:08

What's your relationship like otherwise? Is he generally uncaring and insensitive, or is he decent? What was your sex life like before you came off the pill?

My first thoughts are there's an OW, or he's having trouble in the bedroom department and doesn't want you to know.

LittleBabyLucas Sat 18-May-13 19:43:11

Because I love him he is very loving to me in every other way I love his kids and he loves mine we want a baby in a few years I just don't know whats going on

SauceForTheGander Sat 18-May-13 19:44:34

Has he got really into porn?

LittleBabyLucas Sat 18-May-13 19:45:02

It was great before I came off the pill, I cant have the coil or anything with progesterone in he swears there isn't another woman and if im honest he doesn't have the time lol

Numberlock Sat 18-May-13 19:45:04

For christs sake don't have a baby with this disrespectful arsehole.

I'd be interested to know why his last relationship ended. And where those films of you having sex end up...

MadBusLady Sat 18-May-13 19:45:34

Christ almight, do you know what he's doing with the films? Because I'm immediately thinking Readers Wives, or whatever the online equivalent is.

MadBusLady Sat 18-May-13 19:45:45


LittleBabyLucas Sat 18-May-13 19:45:46

he never watches porn when im around but I know as soon as I go out he grabs his laptop and a box of tissues

MadBusLady Sat 18-May-13 19:46:44

He doesn't sound loving at all. He sounds nasty, disrespectful and frankly not that into you.

MadBusLady Sat 18-May-13 19:47:26

Not that I have any problem with porn if both partners are ok with it (some people here do have a problem with porn, I know). But it can't be at the expense of everything else.

SauceForTheGander Sat 18-May-13 19:49:14

His fantasies are porn cliches and wanting to film you means he's only only able to get turned on when sex is like a porn rather than about the two of you.

This doesn't sound good to me at all. What are you getting out if this?

LittleBabyLucas Sat 18-May-13 19:49:15

I don't have a problem with porn, I suggest putting it on in the background sometimes, still no joy

LittleBabyLucas Sat 18-May-13 19:55:53

He wants to come home and find me watching porn having a play

SummerDad Sat 18-May-13 19:56:33

Being in a similar situation, I read your thread. I don't have much to add on the psychological aspect but would like to point out that filming intimate activities is highly dangerous as only very few expert users know how to permanently delete the digital stuff. Simply deleting the files does not delete the data from hard disks, sd cards etc. and is easily recoverable and people do recover this data and post it on the internet.

MadBusLady Sat 18-May-13 19:58:26

Thing is, he also wanted you to wear dresses and heels, which you did. And that didn't work either.

I think you have to confront the possibility that nothing you do will ever be enough, whether it's because he's addicted to porn or for some other reason.

arsenaltilidie Sat 18-May-13 20:04:10

Porn addiction.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 18-May-13 20:05:47

Go here, and watch the TEDx video, "The Great Porn Experiment. Get your dp to watch it too. You will fnd it enlightening.

LittleBabyLucas Sat 18-May-13 20:13:47

hi old lady the webpage isn't work x

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 18-May-13 20:16:09

Sorry. Try googling "TED online porn", the first result is a youtube copy.

Thisisaeuphemism Sat 18-May-13 20:19:33


You want this for your future, really?


EdvardMonsterMunch Sat 18-May-13 20:20:32

Doesn't sound right to me.
You've tried and failed to have a healthy sex life.
Either he's a regular porn user with unrealistic view of marital sex or i'm a monkey's uncle!

LittleBabyLucas Sat 18-May-13 20:25:38

I know his ex wife wasn't into sex like I am, she told him to get a whore and watch porn to get him away from her

Thisisaeuphemism Sat 18-May-13 20:33:17

I dOn't blame her. He sounds like a creep. You cook and clean for him, but he can only manage it with a camera in his hand, and doesn't want to change. What a catch!

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