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Need advice on leaving my husband

(7 Posts)
millievanilli Sat 18-May-13 19:33:36

I have told him before lots of times that I don't want to be with him anymore but in the end I change my mind, but today I said it to him and I meant it. We have 2 children, age 7 and nearly 2, and I am a stay at home Mum. I don't have any money of my own, only 'housekeeping' that my husband gives me. I've never been a very practical person and I haven't got a clue about what I need to do now, in terms of living arrangements and money. I went to the CAB once to get advice but they weren't very helpful and I left more confused than I went in. My husband said today when we had a discussion about it that he will give me half the equity of the house, but won't that stop me from getting benefits? I don't want to live off benefits but I need to make sure that my children and I have a roof over our heads while I find a job to support us. I've not been on them before except for JSA when I was living with my parents, so I don't know much about them. I don't have any family or friends to stay with. I would really appreciate any advice, thanks.

imtheonlyone Sat 18-May-13 19:40:23

You need to get some legal advice from a solicitor. It's not your husband's decision how much of the equity in the house you get. Many solicitors will give you half hour free advice. Make sure you know all about your family finances and savings etc.

Re the benefits. If you can prove that the money will go toward a house for you and the dc, they will give you a six month lee way to get it sorted.

But you need to talk to a solicitor. It's hard to say anymore without knowing your circumstances.

alexa0304 Sat 18-May-13 19:45:50

I give legal advice on this sort of thing, so I'll try. First of all, where are you going to live? If you want to stay in your house then you probably can as you have the children, if your husband resists then you can ask a solicitor to apply for an occupation order, even if the house is in his name only. You can get legal aid for this.

You would be able to get some help from the DWP for the mortgage payments, although they only help with the interest, not the capital, and it's normally only for 2 years. If you move out and your husband splits the equity with you then this could well impact on your ability to claim benefits, most of which take capital into account. If you stayed in your home it is likely that your husband would have to pay something towards the mortgage until the children had grown up. For most women in your position this is the best option.

Then you need to make a claim for income support, which you can get until your youngest is 5, after which it's JSA. If you find a part time job working 16 hours then you can claim working tax credit as well as child tax credit, this can work out at quite a lot of money.

You can find calculators, including how much tax credit and local housing allowance you would be entitled to at, so you will have some idea of what to expect.

Try the CAB again, they vary from one centre to another and some are very good. Try googling "Turn to Us" - they offer a lot of information which should help you.

Best of luck, you are very brave. I hope this helps a bit x

alexa0304 Sat 18-May-13 19:48:28

Good point made above - the courts settle who is to get what, not your husband. You could well get the whole house.

millievanilli Sat 18-May-13 21:05:54

Thanks for the replies, that's helpful information. I don't think he is going to want to move out so am not sure what to do about finding somewhere to live, seeing as I've got no money of my own? Presumably I won't be able to get financial help until I leave, so it's a catch 22 situation. I don't know much about our finances as he pays all the bills from his separate account, by direct debit. He's pretty secretive about our finances and whenever we talk about money it often turns into a row.

alexa0304 Sat 18-May-13 22:23:57

No, if you see a solicitor they will make sure you and the children stay in the house, even if it's just short term. Don't let your husband dictate what happens, you have rights and as you have the children you need to exercise them for their sake x

imtheonlyone Sun 19-May-13 08:45:44

You will get financial help too from the day of separation from your H - whether you are living in the same house or not. Tell them as soon as you are separated.

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