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fledgling relationship- is this what people do?

(52 Posts)
twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 15:24:36

I had a third date with this guy last night, he mentioned he was going out in the week so i told him i was going out with work friends on friday. He asks if he is invited.
So i say he can come along if he wants and we chat about it on and off throughout the evening.
I dont know if he meant it or if i will see him again. But that aside, is this what people do so early on?
To me, and being something of a committment phobe its quite scary and a bit ' coupley' when no conversation about whats happening has happened. And then all my work people will have met him etc....
But it could just be that this is how these things develop?

I dont know?

kotinka Sat 18-May-13 16:54:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 16:55:21

White- hurrah, someone that thinks the same as me smile

Thats my train of thought, but i dont like to committ for months and months ( about 6)

Which isnt great of me i dont think. Other people seem a lot more casual about this kind of thing.

Teapot13 Sat 18-May-13 17:00:26

I think he's been a bit forward to invite himself but assume for now it's just because he likes you. I would keep him separate from work for now (just good hygiene) but do it in a way that doesn't make him feel rejected.
Like say you'd rather do X (movie, dinner) with him on another night.

Numberlock Sat 18-May-13 17:12:24

After two or three dates and you're already meeting everyone? Seems far too early, just relax a little and let it develop naturally. What's the rush?

Thurlow Sat 18-May-13 17:15:46

Red flag?! Bloody hell...

I agree with teapot. I don't think that sounds remotely controlling or dominating, just possibly a little forward.

Most of my friends' new bf/gf's I've met at casual drinks like that, rather than it being made a big thing of.

Numberlock Sat 18-May-13 17:21:46

After 2/3 dates? Smacks of not being able to cope without the other person or not wanting them to have any separate friends or interests.

OP - you have to think if you'd be setting a precedent and he'd want to tag along to every work do, friends nights out, family do.

twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 17:23:49

Numberlock, yesterday was the third date, that has been spread out over 6 weeks. It doesnt smack of anything.

IslaValargeone Sat 18-May-13 17:26:04

Someone will come along in a minute and say 'leave the bastard' hmm

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sat 18-May-13 17:27:43

You don't need anyone else to agree its too early, of you think it is, then it is.

twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 17:29:15

It is baffling how some posters like to read stuff into stuff which isnt there.

Its all relative, i might not see him again anyway..... and if i do and it does turn into a relationship, at somepoint we will be hanging out with frirnds and family. Its what people do.

joblot Sat 18-May-13 17:29:59

Way too early to meet friends, I would be uneasy with it, it makes a statement that you're in a relationship, which may or may not happen with time.

Or are you smitten and want to take him? You don't give that impression

twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 17:30:57

Personally i like teapots idea, it is too early for me.but if i say we can do something else instead smile

twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 17:33:24

Jobot, no smitten, its been 3 dates.... id be insane if i were smitten after meeting someone 3 times.

I like hanging out with him and fancy him. Thats as far as i have got. I have no idea if i even want a relationship with him yet.

Numberlock Sat 18-May-13 17:33:59

So why are you asking if you're perfectly happy with it?

twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 17:38:02

Because im a bit of a committment phobe. I know this.
Other people seem to go with the flow of these things a lot easier. All my rl friends just laughed and say that yes, bring him, its not a big deal.

To me it kind of is. But at some point you have to be open and stop looking for red flags where there are none.... or trying to make sure its all in place before you move isnt like that.

joblot Sat 18-May-13 17:45:27

I'd be worried people would assume you're together and then ask about/invite him to other stuff. If its a first work do for you I'd be carefulof setting a precedent you aren't ok with

Numberlock Sat 18-May-13 17:46:11

It would be to me but I don't consider myself a commitment phobe.

twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 17:59:53

Its not a first work do either. They kind of happen weekly. Lol. As i said, everyone is quite young so they all go out a lot.

simplesusan Sat 18-May-13 18:10:35

It seems very forward to me.

He is happy to go out alone, yet has asked if he can but in on your night out. I don't like the sound of it but if you want hiom there then go ahead. Just tread carefully with him.

twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 18:38:00

Im very sorry, but i do not understand why some posters are saying this is red flag behaviour and i need to be careful with him.

During the course of the night, i had said to him we should do a few things, he said we should do x, y and z. That isnt red flag behaviour either.
When you meet someone you have to arrange actuallly doing things with each other and fitting in with each others lives, thats all this is.

It might have been forward to ask, but i like people with balls, like i said i had invited myself to his last night.

Numberlock Sat 18-May-13 19:24:14

You've asked for opinions and you've got them.

Completely agree that you need to make time to do things together but personally I would be cautious of anyone who asked to come to my work do after only 3 dates.

You're obviously fine with it so it's all good, no?

twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 19:37:06

Im not fine with it, else i wouldnt have posted on here, but its not about him being controlling by asking, and me needing to tread carefully, but just because it feels too soon for me.

Numberlock Sat 18-May-13 19:43:01

That's your opinion based on 3 meetings. Hopefully you're right, it would still make me cautious.

twentypairs Sat 18-May-13 19:50:30

and you havent met him at all, so why all the jumping up and down??

Numberlock Sat 18-May-13 19:59:16

Who's jumping up and down? I'm expressing my opinion, it's clearly a touchy subject for you?

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