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Emotional affair

(12 Posts)
Raaraathenoisybaby Sat 18-May-13 12:43:49

I have nc for this....
I have a new partner. Well sort of. It's a slow moving maybe relationship - in a good way.
We are both divorced. I asked him directly the other day why his marriage broke down. He hasn't been cagey or evasive about it in the past I just thought it better to wait a while before I asked him outright just out of courtesy I suppose.
So I asked him and he told me it was due to an emotional affair. He talked (I think) very honestly about it and didn't try and blame it on exw or anything. He only said that he didn't think he could have stopped it. I don't think he even put any kind of spin on it really.
I am quite stunned. I really don't know what to think. I appreciate he told me so truthfully but I feel a bit weird about it. I was quite positive about this man before that and we get on so well and have so much in common - culturally and lifestyle wise. He's been great really. It was so not the story I was expecting!
What do mn think?

scaevola Sat 18-May-13 12:53:40

"He only said that he didn't think he could have stopped it."

I see this as a red flag. If he hasn't examined why he did it, and what he could have done differently to make sure normal friendship doesn't spill over into EA, then he hasn't learned from it.

If he really cannot see that he can make different choices (even though he didn't spot it before), then I would find it hard to trust him to recognise the slippery slope and make choices to get off it.

Raaraathenoisybaby Sat 18-May-13 14:01:27

Yeh that's kind of what I thought. He might as well have said he couldn't help it. Which he could.

Raaraathenoisybaby Sun 19-May-13 19:34:29

Anyone else? I can't make up my mind about this

WafflyVersatile Sun 19-May-13 19:56:52

So he had an emotional affair and what?

He was unhappy and had an emotional affair so left his wife because it made him realise he was not happy in that relationship?

She found out and kicked him out even though he wanted to stay as he was actually happy in his marriage?

Numberlock Sun 19-May-13 20:01:25

You mean that's all he's admitting to...

Raaraathenoisybaby Sun 19-May-13 20:54:07

It went on over a year I believe. It 'all came out' at home and they split. There was some suggestion that he might have got together with ow who then changed her mind and went back to her dh. I don't want to put too much detail. I doubt v much he is a mner but his exw might be and that would be v unfair.
The more I think about this the more I feel for her and the less I like him hmm

Raaraathenoisybaby Sun 19-May-13 20:54:52

Number lock....that too hmm

Numberlock Sun 19-May-13 20:56:20

Well the only positive thing I suppose is at least he's been truthful with you. He could have told you anything.

I still think he's not telling the full story.

Raaraathenoisybaby Sun 19-May-13 21:22:20

Neither do I. He opened the statement with this big disclaimer about how there wasn't adultery as if that made it all ok.
I could do some more digging but I think I've already gone off him enough to call it a day. The whole thing seems so deceitful hmm

Numberlock Sun 19-May-13 21:29:13

Sorry it didn't work out, at least you can be thankful he was honest and saved you finding out the hard way later on.

I suppose he thought you'd think it was no big deal, same as he does really.

Raaraathenoisybaby Mon 20-May-13 22:29:18

Still pondering. Except them pre I think about it the more cross I am. I am a twat.

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