Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Close to breaking point (long and complex) help please

(120 Posts)
BumpingFuglies Sat 18-May-13 11:49:38

I don't know where to start with this, only that I'm so close to the edge I can see the abyss.

My situation is so complicated with so many facets I can't really think straight. But here goes.

DP and I have lived together a year, I have DS 14, he has DS 8 and 5. Recently moved to council house after being given notice to quit on last private rental - had only been there a year.

DSS's have been sexually abused by mother's ex-partner. Police investigation now concluded, waiting for it to go to court. Accused is convicted offender already, mother knew this. Mother took caution for neglect.

DSS's have BIG behaviour issues and possible SN (under assessment). Both on IEPs and under Child In Need orders. Cannot get counselling for them until case has been to court (poss disclosure issues).

DS 14 has now clashed with DP. DS came in late Thursday night, I had a go, DP intervened when DS got nasty. DS grabbed DP by throat, DP called police. DS accepted a caution.

DS is a "school refuser". Attendance currently under 50%. I am working with school, TAC meetings in place. CAMHS involved, but DS won't engage. DS's father will not have anything to do with him, he is "too ashamed".

Have just concluded long court battle with DP's parents who did not like him moving in with me and tried to get joint residency. They failed. They have weekly phone contact (Fridays) and fortnightly letters with the boys.

DSS's have fortnightly visits (supervised by me/DP) with their mum. Sometimes, like today, their Mum's parents come too. They also have to be supervised as they were classed as having been groomed. They are all here today.

DP does not work (many reasons), I'm a home carer and work about 30 hours. I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, bill-paying, admin, organisation, homework, reading. Absolutely everything. I write all the letters, deal with all the legal stuff. I even pay his ex maintenance out of my bank account for his other 2 boys, who he can't see at the moment. His ex has a new bf and won't allow him in the house (yet another story). DP is on JSA and is going on a course that should get him back to work. He sits on the lap top ALL DAY every day. Between work, running the house, meetings for children, court and more, I have NO TIME. I'm shattered.

I'm behind with bills, I work my tits off and I get no help. DP is depressed and on ADs. My relationships with my son, family and friends are suffering. I went to the doctor yesterday and got diazepam. Already on ADs myself and have another appointment monday.

I've had enough. I rang work and took the weekend off. Never done that.

I'm the one holding it all together. I think I'm going to break.

Thank you for reading, sorry it's so long, I am grateful. If anyone can help me make sense of it all...?

MushroomSoup Sun 02-Jun-13 18:53:06

Still here and checking in.

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 30-May-13 22:21:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 30-May-13 22:20:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MushroomSoup Thu 30-May-13 10:27:31

Morning Fuglies. Hope you got a bit of sleep.
What do we need to do today?

MushroomSoup Thu 30-May-13 02:43:06

You're not defeated. You're are doing everything you need to be doing, even though it's hard.

In the morning we'll write a list of the things that you can do to ease the stress and get things moving.

Where abouts are you? Maybe you need some more rl help.

Thinking of you brew

BumpingFuglies Thu 30-May-13 00:10:48

Thanks Mushroom

I called the police tonight. They came, but because DC don't have visible injuries, i.e. no red marks, they could not arrest him. Had Mum here also, but she has gone home now.

DP got very arsey with my DS, but DS (am so proud) did not rise to it.

Never saw SW, but police told me to call her tomorrow.

DP gone to bed, I'm sleeping on sofa.


MushroomSoup Wed 29-May-13 21:39:27

And still here x

MushroomSoup Wed 29-May-13 08:52:38

Still here x

BumpingFuglies Tue 28-May-13 23:41:10

Am at work Tomorrow so may be able to post more. TY TY

MushroomSoup Tue 28-May-13 23:41:10

Still here. How was your day?

BumpingFuglies Tue 28-May-13 23:39:05

So sorry for late reply. Thank you so much I know I am a lost cause. Don't stay up for me x

MushroomSoup Tue 28-May-13 22:41:40

Come and talk to me. I'll be fretting over you again tonight!

MushroomSoup Tue 28-May-13 22:26:33

Yes I'm here.
How are you?

BumpingFuglies Tue 28-May-13 22:03:43

Mushroom are you there?

MushroomSoup Tue 28-May-13 14:01:27

Do you want him to leave?

BakingWithToddler Tue 28-May-13 13:31:46

Bumping are you and the children ok? If you feel SW not helping have you tried Women's Aid? 0808 2000 247 (Free phone number)

BumpingFuglies Tue 28-May-13 10:11:26

He did say he might leave today sad

What a total fucking mess.

BumpingFuglies Tue 28-May-13 10:10:50

DP still here. Other than talk to SW I don't know what to do. Boys and I are up, DP still in bed. Have had to go off work today, disaster really as I'm the only earner and don't get sick pay.

Am at the lowest ever ebb. Cannot think straight.

MushroomSoup Mon 27-May-13 22:52:43

So pleased you're all ok. Have been refreshing, refreshing, refreshing this page and didn't dare go to bed!

I hope you sleep as well and as easily as possible.

I'll check in on you in the morning.

BumpingFuglies Mon 27-May-13 22:50:22

Thank you mushroom. Boys safe in bed with me. Have SW coming tomorrow.

MushroomSoup Mon 27-May-13 21:05:14

Not without previously having registered your phone.

Can't you ring? Go to the loo if you can & take your mobile.
If you can't, PM me your address. I'll ring the police for you.
Stay strong

BumpingFuglies Mon 27-May-13 20:20:13

Can I text police for help? It's getting worse

MushroomSoup Mon 27-May-13 19:57:37

Why not? You need to do it in order to get the right help.
Be brave.

BumpingFuglies Mon 27-May-13 19:53:55

Not yet

MushroomSoup Mon 27-May-13 19:43:42

Deep breath.
Have you rung the police?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: