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I don't know if I can put up with DH any more...

(14 Posts)
MrsWolowitz Fri 17-May-13 12:03:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWolowitz Fri 17-May-13 12:07:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji Fri 17-May-13 12:13:08

Hugs. sad

Have you considered couples counselling?
Even though you have tried to talk, sometimes what we say is perceived as critical, and it may help if there is a neutral person present to guide the discussion.

If you do go, I'd see how it goes and how he takes it. If he's still dismissive and threatens to go, or blames it all on you, then I'd stop it and take him on his offer to move out. I suspect he won't actually move out willingly, unless he thinks you'll soon regret it and beg him to return.

So, if you do ask him to move out, I'd make it for a defined period, so that you can revise at the end of it whether you want him to return or not.

badinage Fri 17-May-13 12:14:28

Are you sure he isn't looking for a way out?

Any possibility that he's been having an affair and that's why he's been so argumentative and absent-minded/fuckwittish lately?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 17-May-13 12:23:49

I would call his bluff and take him up on the offer to move out. Everyone needs time apart and time to think occasionally. Let the anxiety settle, the arguments cease, restore calm, de-stress .... then think about counselling, improving communications and deciding your plans for the future.

Also agree with badinage that sudden changes of character often coincide with unfaithful behaviour. Sorry.

MrsWolowitz Fri 17-May-13 12:37:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

familyscapegoat Fri 17-May-13 12:37:18

How interesting.

When my husband was having his affair, he became even more clumsy and cack-handed than usual, forgot any task or instruction and managed to botch even the simplest, straightforward thing. I just couldn't rely on him for anything. He was also moody, argumentative and seemed to have lost all his powers of concentration and conversation. Unlike the guff you read about in women's magazines, he also stopped caring about his appearance, stopped showering and shaving on non-work days and when all this combined together, was not in the least bit sexually attractive.

I remember feeling like you do. But he managed to convince me it was stress and depression. If anyone had suggested what was really behind it, I'd have laughed them out of school.

MrsWolowitz Fri 17-May-13 12:42:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

familyscapegoat Fri 17-May-13 12:42:46

Yes my husband had also gained a lot of weight.

I would have said the same as you about there not being the time - and unlike yours, mine had no real hobbies to speak of and never went out very much. He met OW when he was meant to be at work and took leave without me knowing it.

Since being on MN, I've observed that people always find the time.

familyscapegoat Fri 17-May-13 12:48:41

He was also v open with passwords and left his phone around unlocked. He knew I'd never snoop and I had no way of knowing his phone was on silent or was switched off when it was in the house. I don't think I ever even picked the damned thing up in all that time.

Ragusa Fri 17-May-13 13:04:17

Is he depressed?

MadameBlavatsky Fri 17-May-13 13:26:05

Call his bluff. Then get on with being happy. wink

BurtNo Fri 17-May-13 13:41:04

maybe you need a break?, can he look after the DC for a weekend while you get away

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 17-May-13 13:50:07

I would not worry unduly about what family and friends would say or think if he was to move out. They do not have to live with him day to day as you do and clearly you've had enough.

As for the "he has no time for an affair" this is wrong. Generally speaking people who want to cheat make time to do so and cover their tracks.

If he is a twunt then he is not going to stop being one. This behaviour can be too deeply ingrained.

Tell him he can go and live at his Dad's.

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