Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

what does your DP do around the house ?- fed up.

(26 Posts)
ruledbyheart Thu 16-May-13 15:24:00

Sick of my DP at the moment, I feel like he does fuck all and I have had enough.
Fair enough he works but only evenings for upto 6hours 5 night's a week.
During the day he will do the school runs but that is it, he may also wash up or empty the bins if I ask him several times, he doesn't even put his plates in the sink or his stuff away he leaves it all on the sides for someone else to deal with.

He doesn't do anything with my DCs or even look after his dog unless told too.
I'm 27 weeks pregnant and fed up with having to look after him too, I also work from home 2 days a week and out of the house one night a week.

When it comes to this baby he has left it all down to me, buying everything and making all the decisions when asked for his input all I get is "whatever you want", the pregnancy and baby books I bought him have been left untouched.
I know when this baby is born I will either be left to do everything or he will make my other 3 dc feel left out as he does nothing with them.

Financially he barely contributes I get 200 a month from him for everything including food, living expenses, bills and rent, I pay for everything else.

Is it just me or am I wasting my time, is this normal? Do your DPs do more?

NB DP does have depression but is on medication to control this.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 16-May-13 15:42:59

£200 pm??!!
Stop doing everything for him for a start and see how that goes.
No more washing his clothes etc.....
He does do something which is OK.
You could write him a list of things to do each day or week etc.... and pin it up somewhere.
You could also have a frank and honest discussion with him about how you feel about all this.
You also need to work out your finances, your incomings and all your outgoings and work out a proper family budget if that's the way you want things to go.
I hope you manage to sort it out.

ruledbyheart Thu 16-May-13 15:49:35

We have a planner on the wall but all I get is I haven't had the time or sorry I forgot.
Finances I don't care so much about if I didn't feel like he is getting a free ride, seriously thinking of throwing him out as I have left his stuff before and it still doesn't get done, he just gets upset because it then mounts up on him, doesn't sort it though hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 16-May-13 15:51:29

He's bone-idle, taking the piss financially and doesn't see himself as part of the family. I think you're probably wasting your time trying to get him to change. 'Shape up or ship out' about covers it.

LordSugar Thu 16-May-13 15:54:49

I don't like to bandy this word around too much but the word 'cocklodger' immediately sprung into my mind.

He sounds very lazy, and worse than a child!

Squitten Thu 16-May-13 16:04:21

He's taking the piss big time!

I'm a SAHM so the vast amount of chores fall to me. DH works very long hours so doesn't do that much during the week but he sorts out breakfast for the kids and if he is around in the evenings he will cook, help me with tidying up toys, etc. On the weekends he does most of the cooking and will often take the kids out and do stuff with them.

I definitely think it's ultimatum time OP! Get on board or get out.

Windingdown Thu 16-May-13 16:29:25

Whatever is in this relationship for you OP?

nerofiend Thu 16-May-13 16:47:23

I work part time and my DH works full time, very long hours and quite tough job too. I contribute to 20% of house finances, and 80% of childcare. He contributes to 80% of the house finances and 20% of childcare. We didn't plan it carefully that way but I realised that's how things worked out over time.

He does cook the days that I work, as I pick up children from school, feed them and put them in bed and I'm exhausted by 7pm.

I cook the rest of the days but I don't feel have to if I'm too tired. He will sort himself out somehow.

I do most of the hoovering, toilet cleaning, and bedding changing, clothes washing, except his washing, which he does himself. I do a lot of emptying bins, and rubbish management, but he does some of it at times.

He does the main food shopping every two weeks or so, and I do the small shopping, here and there when we run out of things.

I hate domestic work, and we have had huge rows about it in the past.

I've never met ONE man in this country who cleans the toilet, something that I find outrageous in the extreme!

EuroShaggleton Thu 16-May-13 16:51:18

We split it equally and both work fulltime.

We have a cleaner, so cleaning and ironing is taken care of but other than that:
we both shop
he cooks
I tidy
I sort washing, we both hang it out
I load the dishwasher, we both empty it
we both do any washing up there is to do
he takes the rubbish out
I deal with the household finances

Gingefringe Thu 16-May-13 17:51:05

How long have you been together? Is he the father of your other 3 DC?
Not that it matters I suppose - he is a lazy git and needs sorting out.

Cloverer Thu 16-May-13 17:55:47

Are you sure he's your DP and not a lodger?

None of it is normal, not the money or the laziness.

My DP works full time, I am a SAHM. He clears up after dinner/loads the dishwasher/cleans up kitchen. Puts DS to bed. Empties bins. Puts laundry away.

I look after DS, cook, empty the dishwasher in the morning (DP does this if I'm having a lie-in), hoover, do the laundry, do the shopping.

We both clean the bathroom. He does more tidying than me.

We share all finances. All our money goes into a joint account, all bills come out, we split the rest so we have equal spending money.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 16-May-13 17:59:12

He's paying you £50 a week!. He is what is known as a cocklodger.
Tell him to go back to his mother; it sounds like she has picked up after him all his life and you're just carrying on where she left off. This behaviour of entitlement is learnt and such men do not readily change at all.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Think you need your head to overrule your heart.

balia Thu 16-May-13 18:04:34

What do you see in him solid gold cock?

lurkingfromhome Thu 16-May-13 18:05:31

We both work from home. Housework split equally. We have our own sort of favourite (or less-hated) tasks, which we do, then the rest get done by whoever is the first one to decide that it needs done (I must say usually him):

DH does all the dishes, all DIY, all gardening. He refuses to iron but doesn't expect me to iron his clothes either and will forcibly remove them from me as he knows I hate ironing (I do iron his t-shirts anyway as I don't want him to look like a tramp).

I sweep and mop floors, dust, plan weekly menus and do most food shopping (because weirdly I love going to the supermarket and he hates it), change bedding and deal with cat's litter tray.

We both clean the bathroom & kitchen, hoover, cook (we usually alternate nights for cooking), stick laundry in machine and hang it up.

TantrumsAndBalloons Thu 16-May-13 18:10:25

We both work full time.
I do the school drop off in the morning, DH does the after school pick up.
I do the washing, DH does all of the ironing on Sundays.
He cooks twice a week. He does the packed lunches every other day.
He looks after the garden.
If he doesn't cook, he loads the dishwasher.
He walks the dogs at 6am, I take them to work with me, then we walk them together at night.

But this isn't helpful is it? Because you know he is taking the piss. He is giving you a ridiculous amount of money and doing less in the house than my 9 year old ds2.
What are you getting from this relationship?

enormouse Thu 16-May-13 18:24:37

He works part time. I work part time and study part time.
I do the majority of the cleaning/laundry.
I also take care of the finances.
To his credit we split the childcare completely equally.
Although I do most of the cooking he will do it when I've had a work or uni day or if I look slightly glassy eyed come 6pm.
He does the diy and takes the bins out.
If he hasn't done much domestically for a few days he will make a small gesture or promise to do something round the house or take ds out to give me some peace. (And he usually does)

I do think he could do more, but having seen it written down it seems a pretty fair arrangement

Smudging Thu 16-May-13 18:28:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pollydon Thu 16-May-13 18:39:21

My dh ( after 20 + years training ) does.
cooking 3-4 nights per week.
his ironing
all washing \ hanging out weekdays, I do weekends
washing up weekends , dc do weekdays
jointly shopping, but he is happy to do itwith a list.
putting shopping away, one job I hate, im watching him do it now
I do
all floors
all dusting
cook nights he doesnt

Big jobs we do between us, he also does gardens.
BUT 20 years ago he did sod all, you must put your foot down, he is royally taking the pissangry

UpTheFRIGGinDuff Thu 16-May-13 18:50:24

DP works full time in a pretty demanding job.
I work part time.

When he gets home from work he does what ever needs doing that i haven't gotten around too during the day,so he'll get in the door,wash up,make dinner,after dinner he'll help sort the kids out for bed,do our DD's homework with her or read to our DS.

On his days off when I'm at work he does the laundry,cleans the toilet/bathroom/kitchen/oven (whichever needs doing,sometimes all of them) hoovers,tidys, does pick up and drop off for DD,and takes care of DS too.

When I get home (late,after the DC bedtime) he's usually made dinner for me.

He's very good at multi tasking and he sees what needs doing and just does it.

I couldn't imagine living with someone that didn't do these things,what's the point in having another adult in the house if you just end up having to look after them too?!
I don't understand why people put up with this crap.

UpTheFRIGGinDuff Thu 16-May-13 18:53:07

He also contributes three quarters of our income,does the food shopping half the time,sorts the bills out half the time etc,there's nothing he or I wont do,we help each other out,if one of us can't do something the other just does it.

Lavenderhoney Thu 16-May-13 19:13:17

Blimey- and you're pregnant! With other dc! What is he actually doing all day? Unless all your dc are under 5 and at home all day he has no excuse. " I forgot!" That's as pathetic as the dog ate my homework.

My dh works about 16 hours a day, and occasionally comes home for a break in the afternoon for an hour or so. He spends it playing with the dc, helping with homemwork, talking to me and calling/ sorting paperwork. I do all the housework, he sometimes does the school run in the morning. At weekends he takes out the dc ( telling me to put my feet up and not clean) he cooks and he generally mucks in.

He has been known to clean the loosmile without being asked.

How long has your dh been like this? Does he think its ok? Because quite frankly its not, is it?

Lowry Thu 16-May-13 19:23:10

Empties the dishwasher
Takes wasing off line if i ring him and ask nicely
Helps change the beds
Waters the plants

That's it !

There again, he does all paperwork.
Sorts out the cars.
Does most of the taxiing for the kids.
Once a year cleans out the garage.

He's a bleedin saint really!

SugarPasteGreyhound Thu 16-May-13 19:47:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrendelsMum Thu 16-May-13 20:00:22

My DP is ill, has been for the last week, and is still apologising that he hasnt done his share of cooking or washing up lately. In fact, he insisted on shoving a frozen pizza in the oven this pm so that I didn't have to cook again.

RhondaJean Thu 16-May-13 21:56:18

My DH works about 40 hours a week, is just finishing a full time honours degree and trains in a martial art almost every day.


Takes dd2 to and from school
Does almost all of the cooking
Collects the click and collect shopping
Does small shops during the week
Does the washing and hangs it up to dry
Does some ironing (he is very slow so I do most, likewise I am slow at prepping to cook so he does most of that)

Tidies after himself and the kids
Does spots of DIY
Organises things for the home
Hoovers - though I do have to remind him this needs done as I don't think he looks down.

And a zillion other things.

And he contributes a damn sight more than £200 per month for the household finances!

Your DP thinks you have "welcome" on your forehead.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now