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He doesn't get why I'm pissed off and mistrusting after a history of dishonesty

(6 Posts)
FeckingPerfect Wed 15-May-13 18:09:09

We'd been together a few months when we had the 'exclusive' chat. He told me he'd come off dating sites and wanted things to work with me - I felt the same. I thought everything was fine and then a few months later I found out that he'd rejoined the dating sites and was actively searching for a new relationship. I finished with him. He apologised, said he just didn't know what he wanted and that's why he'd messed around but he was sure this time. I gave him another chance. He promised we were now exlusive and he loved me and wanted things to work long term. We'd been together almost a year and he wouldn't introduce me to his family. I kept asking why and he kept saying he just never gets around to it, they're all busy, he's over-protective of his kids etc etc .... all along I suspected it was because he wasn't 100% committed to me. He denied this and swore it was because of what he said and that he was totally 100% committed to me. Finally, he introduced me to his family and his kids. He's just told me now that up until 2 months ago, he wasn't sure if he was 100% committed to me and that's the real reason he never introduced me to anyone. I mean, for fucks sake I asked him over and over again if that was the reason and he swore it wasn't. Now he doesn't understand why I'm pissed off because "You got to meet them in the end" - yeah but that was after months of you lying to me!!!

So our history is littered with him "not knowing what he wants" yet neglecting to tell me this (there are other examples of him stringing me along letting me think everything is fine when really he's not all that up for it) and now I really distrust what he tells me. More so, because we're due to move into our new house in 4 weeks and now and again I get a glimpse of him 'wobbling' on me. I keep asking him over and over again if everything is ok and is he having second thoughts and he swears that everything is fine but we've been here before haven't we and he doesn't understand why I'm so concerned, stressed out and worried. I've spent months and months of our relationship thinking something totally different to what he is thinking.

And he says "yeah, but I mean it now - I know what I want now - but he said all that last time and the time before that. He doesn't get how his persistant dishonesty (even if he thinks he was doing me a favour by not telling me his worries) has affected my trust in him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 15-May-13 18:58:25

If he 'doesn't get it' it's because nothing is happening to him as a consequence of this business of stringing you along. There you are.... concerned, stressed-out and worried... your life a mess. There he is... same old, same old.... blasé as you like. He's running the show, still got you on a piece of string, hinting at maybe changing his mind, saying everything's fine, deliberately making you feel insecure/grateful and he has no incentive to do anything any differently.

If you don't trust him ffs don't move into a new house with him. All that does is reward his behaviour and you'll hate yourself when it turns out (as it will) that he wasn't being honest with you after all. You'll be trapped.

Fairenuff Wed 15-May-13 22:27:15

Ah it's really not worth the heartache. This isn't love, this is him messing you around. He sounds very immature and not at all ready to settle down. Sorry, you're probably not right for each other, you don't want the same things and he's just saying what he thinks you want to hear. That's not honesty, that hedging your bets.

ImperialBlether Wed 15-May-13 22:45:48

He's either spectacularly dim or he's untrustworthy. Or maybe both.

Leave him so that you can find someone who's mad about you.

LemonPeculiarJones Wed 15-May-13 22:56:23

You'll get exactly the same advice on this thread as on your other current one about him OP - don't waste any more time on him.

toiletbrush Wed 15-May-13 22:59:39

And all the numerous other threads too.

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