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Today I helped my SIL LTB

(10 Posts)
notnagging Wed 15-May-13 01:37:39

He is an alcoholic & has become abusive towards her. I found out a couple of weeks ago that it has been going on for 2 years but she wasn't ready to leave. He has been arrested tonight but the police say there is not enough evidence to charge him. They did agree to hold him for the night so she can get out. While he's in a cell I helped her leave. She cant fix him but thought she could. I feel so sad
for her & their children sad
I hope that now she's gone he will wake up to what he's become & get some help. Hes always been there for me & Ive betrayed him but she had noone else to help her. she said thats why she coujdnt leave earlier.He's going to go ape when he gets home tomorrow. He doesn't know I was involved as I live a while away.

LittleFeileFooFoo Wed 15-May-13 01:50:00

Is this your brother? That must have been a really difficult thing to do, but I salute you for helping someone who was being abused. flowers

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 15-May-13 06:53:05

You've done a good thing helping her get away. However, that's just the first hurdle and she's a long way from 'waking up' yet. She'll be going through the 'what have I done?' phase now, missing home, wondering if she's acted selfishly, what to do about the DCs, worried that he'll track her down... all kinds of turmoil... and this is the time to give her even more support and help her not go back. I don't know where she's staying at the moment but she and her DCs need somewhere safe and permanent. She needs money, legal advice, practical support. Good luck

notnagging Wed 15-May-13 07:16:05

Thank you for your replies. I hope the police ring her when he is released. My SIL is the brave one. She must be waking up now with the realisation of the enormity of it all. I gave her what I could & she is going to the council to present as homeless today. I hope they help her. I keep imagining him going home to his house to find them gone. We took all the knives just in case. While we were packing I kept seeing pictures of him. I can't believe what he has become.

Lweji Wed 15-May-13 07:49:56

So sorry for your brother (?). It must be hard for you.

But well done for helping your SIL. I hope she stays strong and safe. It's all too easy to go back.
Keep safe too.

notnagging Wed 15-May-13 07:54:00

True. She's still in the area because she needs to go to the council to get rehoused. She has been trying refuges but they are always full. I doubt I will hear from him. He doesn't want people to know he's got a problem. Haven't spoken to him for 6 months.

Anniegetyourgun Wed 15-May-13 08:17:59

You haven't betrayed him. It might feel like that and he will probably see it like that, but the worst thing you can do for an alcoholic is prop them up. This might, just might, be his wake-up call. If it isn't, if he continues to choose drink when he stands a chance to lose everything else, then there was really nothing you could do other than to stop him dragging his wife and children down with him. So try not to feel bad. You can return the help he has given you in the past by helping his children.

diddl Wed 15-May-13 08:23:52

Good heavens-how on earth can you think that you've betrayed him??

He's an abusive alcoholic & you have moved someone away from further abuse by him.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Wed 15-May-13 09:42:10

It isn't a betrayal. You are being true to your own principles. And, as Annie points out, taking a stand against addiction and abuse is actually the kindest thing to do in the long run, although he is unlikely to see it that way. All the more reason for you to remain confident that you did the right thing. (You did.)

notnagging Wed 15-May-13 12:53:50

Thank you for your replies. It's so hard when you can't tell anyone in real life. My SIL did it for so long without telling anyonesad
She asked for help from the council & social services. They said they couldn't help him until she left. Now the council are saying she should have stayed at home & the police say there is no evidence. I know what he is like & he has manipulated everyone around him especially with money. I have told her Togo to the council offices and tell them she refuses to go home. I can't believe they actually expected that.

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