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Married to a gambler

(59 Posts)
dontcallmehon Tue 14-May-13 21:48:57

'd' h is a gambler and heavy drinker. He has lied over and over again. Recently his mum slipped up and mentioned £1000 that he'd borrowed from her because he'd spent £1000 in 2 days on gambling. She thought I already knew

I am self employed and work evenings, so I rely on him for childcare. I don't quite earn enough to keep the house on my own yet, but I'm expanding my business in September, so should be ok once that's established. I've asked him not to leave us in a financial pickle; (more than he has already!) but to sleep in the spare room while I get business set up.

I feel strangely calm. I just want him to go. He has done this over and over. His poor mum said she'd disown him if he did it again. I just looked at her and said: 'He WILL do it again.'

We don't have a joint account and the house is in my name only.

Patheticfallacy Wed 03-Aug-16 20:54:56

Agreed ciao. Actually the best thing I did for my children was leave him.

CiaoVerona Wed 03-Aug-16 19:46:17

I have done, but for sake of her children she should help him in the short term support wise to kick this habit even if she no longer wants to be with him as when her children grow up they may emulate him or be into gambling themselves so help him turn his life around so it doesn't have a negative impact on the kids

Firstly, the thread is years old the OP updated to post shes no longer with him why would she want to help someone shes left because of his addictions.
At the time he was still gambling while she was paying the bills, what exactly did you think she should do? If loosing his family wasn't going to stop him, I doubt her hand holding him through was going to help.

His choice his shit.

Patheticfallacy Wed 03-Aug-16 19:19:47

It's not my responsibility to help him. I am no longer party to his finances and he has a gf and baby on the way.

Leefr200 Wed 03-Aug-16 19:09:46

I have done, but for sake of her children she should help him in the short term support wise to kick this habit even if she no longer wants to be with him as when her children grow up they may emulate him or be into gambling themselves so help him turn his life around so it doesn't have a negative impact on the kids

FreeFromHarm Wed 03-Aug-16 18:52:56

Please do not be sad, you are not alone

Bluecarrot Wed 03-Aug-16 18:50:12

Thanks for the update!
Kicked my gambling dp out a few months ago. Hard position to be in for you and glad it's turned out so well smile

Fontella Wed 03-Aug-16 18:46:42

Read the fucking thread!

Leefr200 Wed 03-Aug-16 18:45:41

Rtft rather?

Leefr200 Wed 03-Aug-16 18:45:24

Rift?

MatildaTheCat Wed 03-Aug-16 18:33:46

Yay, OP!

Leef, RTFT?

Leefr200 Wed 03-Aug-16 18:01:48

For gamcare I mean

Leefr200 Wed 03-Aug-16 18:01:33

Are you in the uk I think he needs serious help, gamcare can be called and they can help him! He needs your support as gambling is a nasty habit believe me I see this in a daily basis, I have a number if you require it!

DontMindMe1 Wed 03-Aug-16 17:50:26

yeeehaaaa! thankyou for updating - i love happy endings! grin

DontMindMe1 Wed 03-Aug-16 17:49:58

yeeehaaaa! thankyou for updating - i love happy endings! grin

Patheticfallacy Wed 03-Aug-16 15:21:55

Just wanted to update! Was searching my v old threads to remind myself how far I've come. I'm the OP, happily divorced, working full time and in a relationship which may or may not last. But I am free of gambling, drinking waste of spacegrin

dontcallmehon Sat 18-May-13 21:59:14

I wish I was a troll. Then I wouldn't feel like this.

OhLori Sat 18-May-13 00:06:21

Presumably, the money he spent gambling his whole month's salary, would have paid at least for an amazing holiday for yourself and probably your children in the Carribean.

OhLori Sat 18-May-13 00:04:43

I was thinking this sounds like a familiar thread. I don't know if you have posted before OP, or this is just quite a common situation? Or you could be a troll, but I hope not ...

Maybe its just me, but I honestly could not stand a gambler, never knowing what they were doing with the money I had earned, such hard work too. Especially if they could sell the whole family down the river. I think it might be useful to ask yourself why you are crying so much? (fair question). And equally, why you don't punch him in the face? Let him lose his own money, not yours or your children's. You have a duty to protect your children.

educatingarti Fri 17-May-13 20:05:08

Stay true to yourself and what you really want!

dontcallmehon Thu 16-May-13 21:03:17

They weren't open today. I can feel myself softening. He has been crying. I mustn't.

educatingarti Thu 16-May-13 14:04:13

Well you could still ring CAB - I am sure they are used to people being a bit emotional!! Take care.

dontcallmehon Thu 16-May-13 11:10:37

Feel awful. Was going to ring the CAB today, but I can't stop crying. I just want my mum, but she's on holiday.

kittybiscuits Thu 16-May-13 04:59:50

They and you deserve better than this x

dontcallmehon Thu 16-May-13 04:43:30

Thanks kittybiscuits, I'll try. This needs to happen, I need to protect the dc's financial future.

kittybiscuits Thu 16-May-13 04:38:36

Hiya dontcallmehon. Sorry you're feeling panicky and it's not surprising as you're making big and positive changes. Ride it out and the panic will pass. One step at a time, as you say x

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