Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

how often do you see your elderly parents?

(14 Posts)
MrsMiniver Tue 14-May-13 12:39:07

I'm of the sandwich generation, parents in their 80s and DD of 13. Luckily my mum and dad are still living independently and are in good health although dad is an increasing emotional burden to my mum. The round trip to visit them is approx 100 miles and takes an hour each way if I travel at the right time.

I love them both dearly although they can be hard work and speak to my mum every day on the phone. At the moment I see them about once a month but would like to increase this as I don't think it's enough - they won't be around for ever and I want them to know how much I appreciate them. Hence the reason for my question.

Flyonthewindscreen Tue 14-May-13 12:43:30

My DF is 78 and I see him at every 6-8 weeks or so. He lives 100 miles away so 4 hour round trip. We speak on the phone 1-2 times a week. My DM died a long time ago and he is remarried to a SM I am not fond of.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 14-May-13 13:35:22

Mine are mid seventies, we talk most days, they live 200 miles away (if we're competing on distance smile ) and I probably see them five or six times a year. We talk about moving to be closer to each other but it never happens.

Ragwort Tue 14-May-13 13:37:55

Mine have recently moved to live near us, they are in their 80s (very fit and healthy though) but made the decision that it was fairer to move now rather than leave it too late when it would be too much for them. Now I see them at least once a week but could be with them within half an hour if there was an emergency.

CMOTDibbler Tue 14-May-13 13:50:15

Mine are in their 70's but very frail. I live 80 miles away, and at the moment I speak to dad most days as they are having a bit of a crisis, but normally twice a week. I see them on average every 6-8 weeks.

Dad appreciates things like ordering stuff on Amazon and doing online Waitrose shops for them more than actual visits tbh. Mum has no sense of time now, so it makes little difference to her.

I work ft and have a 6 year old, so not a lot of time to visit, esp when a trip to them is no fun for ds

Lweji Tue 14-May-13 13:54:17

We now live in the same town, but see them occasionally. Not every week at the moment. Sometimes twice a week. It depends.
My son sees them every week, though, as they take each one of the grandchildren to spend some time with them during the week.

Lweji Tue 14-May-13 13:55:08

Forgot to say they are in their 70s, and have my 102 old great grandmother at home.

ExitPursuedByABear Tue 14-May-13 13:56:24

Every day. My dad is 86 and housebound. He only lives a few hundred yards away. My brother lives overseas and he phones him once a week, although quite often forgets. Twat.

Floralnomad Tue 14-May-13 13:58:11

My mum is in her 70s and has multiple health issues ,she lives about 25 minutes away and I see her at least 4/5 times a week and speak to her several times a day .

Wonderous Tue 14-May-13 14:16:20

I've lost my parents but DP's elderly father is still around. He's 83 and a little frail. He lives 100 miles away and we visit at least twice a week and speak to him on the phone every day. We've done this since he lost MIL 18 months ago and he's currently trying to sell his house to move nearer to us. It's v hard work especially with a young DD but we will keep up with it till he moves. It's tiring and means we have very little time to ourselves but the option of him being alone for days or weeks on end seems too inhuman and we value what time we have with him because he obviously won't be here forever.

MrsMiniver Tue 14-May-13 15:35:19

Thanks for all the replies, your parents/in-laws are lucky to have you all! On the basis of what's here I don't feel too bad about the level of contact but think I might try and up it to twice a month. Wondrous that's a long journey to do twice a week, you'll be glad when he's nearer. I wish my parents were that little bit closer but it could be worse; and of course things could change at any time given their age and then I'll have to think about relocation (for them) or even one of them coming to live with me. Exit I sympathise, have two brothers myself, one of whom actually lives with my parents, but they are clueless when it comes to giving them any kind of support.

higgle Tue 14-May-13 15:45:16

My mother is nearly 87 and about 90 miles away. We chat on the phone twice a week and I visit about every 6 weeks. I would visit more often, and will have to if she becomes less able to cope, but she is quite difficult company and treats me like a 6 year old, criticises my appearance lots etc. so I don't always find it an easy experience.

TallyGrenshall Tue 14-May-13 15:57:50

DM is 66, DF is 71 and I see them everyday because they live across the road from me, and babysit while I work. Apart from that, I do take DF to all his hospital appointments ( he is near enough blind), take DM shopping, sort out any big-ish issues they have etc.

If DM goes out for the evening, or away to visit my sisters, I will pop in and out all day to make sure DF is ok, has eaten etc and I will cook his evening meal for him

LadyLapsang Tue 14-May-13 18:03:51

Mine are in their 80s and DM is not in good health. Usually once a week at the moment although it was every day for a few months last year when DM was in hospital.I work full time, so I was leaving home at 7.45 and getting back in the evening about 21.45 / 22.00. Luckily DH had cooked supper and DS is at university. If it had happened a few years ago I would had had to prioritise DS but it would have been really difficult. My brother is a total star and does much more than me, in addition to working really long hours in a senior position.

Luckily DMIL is in good health although she is in her 80s too. DH usually speaks to her at least once a week and visits every few weeks.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: