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Am fed up of my DP(5 Posts)
Will try to keep this brief. Am absolutely fed up of my DP. He comes home every night from work, moans he is tired and then often refuses to help with things like making dinner and putting our DS to bed. After DS is in bed he doesn't want to do anything apart from watch TV or play his guitar.
Weekends are the same. He is generally happy to play with DS, but will only do some chores, like mowing the lawn, under duress. This weekend he must have grumbled at least 50 times about being tired. At least. More help around the house would be nice and the constant moaning irritates me no end (he has a fairly full-on job as a teacher, but really?). But more than anything I want a meaningful conversation every now and again. He will ask me how my day's been (I only work one day a week so am essentially a SAHM) but if my reply is longer than about 2 minutes his eyes start to glaze over and I sense I've lost his attention. Actually if I talk about anything for more than 2 minutes I'm accused of "going on". The thing is, I don't have many friends and don't have anybody else to talk to.
We never go anywhere except to do necessary things like shopping and to visit our families - he isn't keen on family outings. I feel we are little more than roommates and he actively wants it this way. I've told him numerous times we need to inject some fun into our relationship but he doesn't seem bothered.
I would love another baby but our sex life is pretty much non-existent as I just don't want sex with him anymore.
Sometimes he demonstrates a really nasty streak. For example, yesterday when we went to Homebase. I have a diastasis recti (a gap in my stomach muscles) which means my tummy is distended and it's hard for me to find clothes that fit properly. Yesterday I wore a pair of crappy trousers that slip down a lot. But I was only going to Homebase to buy gardening equipment so I wasn't particularly fussed, you know? But as we were walking around the shop every time my trousers slipped down, exposing my tummy, my DP had a go at me for not keeping it covered up. When they slipped down outside the shop as we were hurrying for the bus laden down with heavy bags and he had yet another go at me I lost my temper. But then apparently I was being some sort of bitch because he was just trying to "help" me by trying to stop people staring at me . Afterwards he also blamed this behaviour on being tired.
I have thought about leaving, a lot. But I have all the worries typical in this kind of situation - about how DS would take it, how we'd cope financially (I really don't want to lose my home) etc. I'm also worried about how I'd cope mentally, as I have a history of clinical depression.
Well, writing about it has made me feel a bit better. Any thoughts/advice much appreciated.
Has he had the constant tiredness checked out? Could it be stress, depression.... or just laziness? I think if this is a constant thing then you need to call him on it - either get it sorted or stfu!
One thing stands out, that you are a SAHM most of the time, but don't seem to see anyone much. I think you need to tackle this head on so that you are not so reliant on the
non-existent conversation with your DP.
Concentrate on cheering yourself up and doing stuff you enjoy, making friends and going out on your own/with DS and seeing family too. Perhaps when he sees he's missing out, that you are having a good time without him and he's had some time to his self he will change his behaviour.
It sounds like he's really taking you for granted and I think you should discuss sharing out household/DC stuff and agree what he's going to do and write it down to save any future argument.
Perhaps you should put a mental time limit on reviewing again. I'm sure you could cope on your own. It sounds as though you are most of the time already.
He has had very serious health problems in the past but his consultant says he is now the picture of good health (his blood test results for things like cholesterol are much better than mine!).
He can't keep moaning about being tired if he doesn't do anything to address it, in my book. He should see a doctor. Teaching can be a stressful job but plenty of teachers can still muster some energy on a weekend.
Do you want to continue being a SAHM or would you rather go back to work? It sounds as if you are finding it very isolating. I agree with electricsheep about finding other sources of interaction.
The having a go and being nasty is just not on at all. You need to call him on this every time. I would just say 'I am not going to be spoken to like that', and leave the room / place where you are. Tiredness is not an excuse - though it does seem like he's very fond of using it as one.
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