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trying to work out after a few months whether this is going anywhere

(11 Posts)
sendingtheclowns Sun 12-May-13 10:37:55

I've been dating someone for three months and I have a dating dilemma. He's a decent, nice bloke, I like spending time with him, and there are no big red flags. However, I'm worried whether there's enough "chemistry". I recently met someone else where there was a spark, even that other person might be unsuitable.

I'm facing a dilemma - I can't see two people, as I think it's dishonest. I also think it's wrong for me to have any feelings at all for someone else. I have several honest options

1. Keep with the current man - have no contact with other man and see how things develop
2. End with current man, go for other man even if it's crazy (there's distance involved but not insurmountable but still big)
3. End it with both

What do you folks think? Thanks

LEMisdisappointed Sun 12-May-13 10:41:51

I think it depends why the other man may not be suitable.

Lweji Sun 12-May-13 10:53:16

If you are attracted to other people after dating Man 1 for only 3 months, then it's highly possible that your feelings for him are not that strong.

Although, when you say there are no big red flags, are there any at all?

And what is the problem with Man 2, apart from the distance?

mrspaddy Sun 12-May-13 10:59:32

I think it depends what you want out of it all.. you could go for man two.. have a bit of fun but it not lead anywhere long term.

Putting it bluntly.. your current man might be more suitable in the long term. Are you bored already ?

3 months isn't long for you to look elsewhere... you could chose not to pursue either until you know in your own heart what you want.

I suppose there is no Mr Perfect .. there will always be compromise.

LemonPeculiarJones Sun 12-May-13 11:03:28

You aren't into current man. At all. Otherwise your head would be unturnable.

Other than the distance, why might other man be unsuitable?

sendingtheclowns Sun 12-May-13 11:03:47

Man 1 is sweet, friendly, I think he is more into me than vice versa. He lives in my city, is a good person. I genuinely don't see any red flags.

Man 2 lives in France. That's why he is largely unsuitable.

I think I shouldn't be attracted to other men after such a short time. Or is that unfair, if say, brad Pitt walked in the room if you'd been dating DH for a few months (extreme example)

Man 2 is charming, exciting, good looking, French

sendingtheclowns Sun 12-May-13 11:05:29

Mrspaddy, my worry is that I'd throw away a good man for a whim passion

LEMisdisappointed Sun 12-May-13 11:08:21

Stay with man 1 but keep it in mind tht he probably isn't THE one. I think its man 2's unattainability that is the attraction.

sendingtheclowns Sun 12-May-13 11:12:18

Lem, I was worried you'd say that

sendingtheclowns Mon 13-May-13 12:40:57

I suppose the question I'm stuck with is should I have been so besotted with man 1 after 2 months, that I shouldn't have had my head turned by man 2?

If that's the case, I need to end it with man 1 purely because it's unfair. If this situation had happened after a few years of marriage, you know it would be something to ignore - but after two months?

AMumInScotland Mon 13-May-13 13:04:48

It doesn't sound like you actually feel that much for Man 1. He's nice, he's decent, he's pleasant, he's available. But 3 months into a relationship that doesn't sound like much emotional involvement on your side, to my way of thinking. I suspect that Man 1 seems better than no man at all, rather than actually doing much for you in reality?

I don't know if Man 2 is actually a goer or not, that's a separate question. But I don't think you're that fussed about Man 1. If Man 1 left you, I think you'd be mildly irritated at the loss, but not much more.

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