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DD meeting ow for the first time tomorrow

(17 Posts)
Mollymom Sun 12-May-13 00:00:55

Exdp and ow are taking dd out for first time meeting ow- to pizza hut and cinema....the bribery is clear to me. Dp still in house not moving out for another 2 weeks (joint owned house). Dd very excited about it all. Tomorrow is now renamed as 'Lucy day' by dd (Lucy is ow). Need support. How do I cope?

BriansBrain Sun 12-May-13 00:08:20

Get up early and go out, it will help by not seeing it, go do something nice for you.

That is what I would do.

clam Sun 12-May-13 01:00:52

How long have you been separated, or rather how long since 'discovery' is this?

veryconfusedatthemoment Sun 12-May-13 01:31:01

Trust me the bribery will continue. 2 years on I still find the bribery and the manipulation from ex and ow very unpleasant. But I find the questions from my ds the hardest - eg will I meet ow? He told me the other day that there was bad news for me as "Daddy and ow are having a baby and you cant". (Actually I don't think she is but where's the idea come from?)

Following advice from here I try so hard to block so I smile sweetly, say something very bland and change the subject. If it's late and I am tired I don't always manage to be bland! I don't think tho in your own home you should have to put up with it being called LucyDay - that's rubbing your nose in it. What have you and ex told your dd about the situation and Lucy?

Mollymom Sun 12-May-13 07:42:18

We separated only a month then found out about ow. We Told dd yesterday that daddy moving out in 2 weeks with his new girlfriend. He wanted to take dd out for the afternoon and I cant stop him. Have posted before- ow is half his age. Dd is five. She bamed the day and even said last night she was going to be good for the whole day

blueemerald Sun 12-May-13 14:05:01

The being good for the whole day may well be her trying to deal with feelings of rejection/replacement. Sort of "If I'm good for the whole day/get Lucy to like me daddy will still love me"

It does seem awfully quick to meet though.

Tryharder Sun 12-May-13 14:22:24

Wow, that's quick. How long has he been with this women? Fair enough if they're going to get married but if she's just the first in a long line of lady friends......

fuzzywuzzy Sun 12-May-13 14:31:46

Have friends round and make sure you have proper support and love around you tomorrow.

Make a voodoo doll of lucy and stick pins in it.

Smile and be selectively deaf whenever Lucy's name comes up.

They're going to take a five year old out to cinema and pizza...she's not going to be good all day, its a physical impossibility surely??

Have a duvet day today, maybe pizza and disney movies with DD...

Make sure you have friends and family around to support you that's the most important part.
When the pain dies down (and it will), you will be glad your ex has a good relationship with your daughter, that's the most important thing. And you'll be glad he's out of your life.

Mollymom Sun 12-May-13 14:36:24

As far as I am aware they have been together 3 months possibly. They are moving in together the end if this month. Dd called her dad her favourite this morning. He will always be the novelty I am just always there like the furniture. Great feeling! No idea of their future plansshe is only 22 he is 43

fuzzywuzzy Sun 12-May-13 14:42:11

Mollymom your relationship with your daughter will be exactly as you want it to be.

Forget him for the time being and spend time enjoying eachothers company (you and your little girl).

My DD's and I have a really close strong relationship (touch wood, they've not hit their teens yet!).

You're going ot be there for her, make sure you also have fun together and are secure and loving with eachother, my girls and I are a team, we have crazy weekends, where we stay in pjs and eat crap and watch dvds all day, we throw parties and invite friends around and they decorate pizzas and cupcakes (and eat them), we tidy the house together we make holiday plans together, we have our own world and I am also the coolest mum in the whole school (I have it on good authority via my youngests best friend).

My two were 5 and just turned 3 when my marriage broke down.

You will not be the drudge parent, unless thats what you want to be.

Tryharder Sun 12-May-13 14:47:13

She's 22? I doubt it will last. I'm sure that having an affair with older, married man was all very exciting but actually living with him?

I feel for you OP. It must be so galling and you are being very, very reasonable about all this. thanks

Mollymom Sun 12-May-13 14:55:28

Thank you fuzzy. Thats the kind of weekends me and dd have had for a long time cos exdp was mostly out watching football in the pub on weekends cos any kid stuff was boring (unless it was something ge wanted to do). Am trying hard to be dignified!

Looksgoodingravy Sun 12-May-13 15:29:54

I would do as others suggested and try and fill up your day with friends/family support.

This must be so difficult and I can only imagine how this must feel but you're doing the right thing holding your head up even though secretly this must be killing you.

I do think it's very early in you ex H relationship to be introducing the ow, why can't he meet your DD alone for now, what's the rush!

nenevomito Sun 12-May-13 15:42:07

What an arse. DH had been separated from his ex for 10 years before he met me, but he didn't introduce me to his DD until we'd been seeing each other for 6 months.

So he's an arse for cheating on you, an arse for introducing his bit on the side so early and an arse for doing it while you're still living in the same house.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you, but I think the best advice is to take yourself out somewhere nice, so you don't have to deal with seeing the pair of them.

nenevomito Sun 12-May-13 15:43:54

22? I give it 6 months at most. Nobber.

Dejected Sun 12-May-13 15:49:33

I am just always there like the furniture

You are going to be the most important person in her life because you are there everyday. You will be the one she turns to whenever she needs you. She is secure of your love which is why she says her dad is her favourite - it's her way of making sure he loves her I guess.

Mollymom Sun 12-May-13 16:04:37

Lol nobber- love it! He said I was stopping him from seeing dd if dd couldnt meet ow cos they were moving in together. He didnt want to see dd at home so have had no choice really. I dont have to meet ow (well unless its by accident)tho am going to insist exdp picks dd up and drops her home after his weekends

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