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I told DH to leave today. So sad and angry.

(32 Posts)
DontMeanToBeRudeBut Sat 11-May-13 20:44:48

This morning I accidentally found out that DH is in arrears on a debt of nearly £1000 that I knew nothing about. Apparently it is possible to spend nearly a grand on two pairs of shoes and a coat hmm It's the fourth time this year that I've found out that he's been dishonest with me about debt; only one of those times was it because he came clean about it. It's happened twice before this year, once about a huge overdraft and once about secret credit cards.

Dishonesty over debt isn't the whole story but I just cannot believe that this has happened again. When he got home I asked him to explain himself, he claimed ignorance and I lost it and told him to pack his things and leave, which he did.

I wish it hadn't come to this but I don't know what else I can possibly do. I've explained over and over how the things he does make me feel so awful, we've done a marriage course, we've had intervention from family and friends, we're in the middle of counselling. And still he is being dishonest with me. I am starting to realise that I can't make him into a responsible husband and father (we have 2 DC) and he, despite all his promises, can't be bothered. He has a completely different idea to me of what is acceptable behaviour. It doesn't matter how many times we agree to rules, every time there is an 'exceptional circumstance' that makes it ok for him to break them. There is nothing that he can say to me that will make me trust him again.

I'm furious but also deeply sad and so scared of what the future will be. I'm on maternity leave but I'm going to have to go back to work for a psychopathic bully, sooner rather than later. I don't know how I can possibly afford childcare for the two DC. I just don't even know how to start sorting out this mess.

Super-long post, sorry, just had to write all that down.

AThingInYourLife Tue 14-May-13 20:59:52

I don't know how you are going to get past the fact that he thinks it is OK to steal from you. And your children.

Or why you would want to.

Even if one day he learns to be someone else, for now you are extremely vulnerable being financially linked to a proven liar, thief and spendthrift.

I think you need to find at least a medium term way if getting him far enough away from your household that he can't destroy it.

RandomMess Tue 14-May-13 21:04:47

Geez how miserable for you sad

I too would be worried that he is secretly gambling tbh.

I wouldn't be letting him come home anytime soon, words are easy - actions much harder.

DontMeanToBeRudeBut Tue 14-May-13 21:05:39

It's true and I've been wondering all day if there's a way to do it without actually divorcing him.

An ex-colleague was married to the same guy twice (and divorced him twice). He royally screwed her credit rating and I was witness to her having a nervous breakdown as she was so stressed out from trying to convince the ratings agencies to disassociate herself from his bad credit history sad

RandomMess Tue 14-May-13 21:14:45

SIL lost their family house due to Ex-BIL gambling and spending all of their money behind her back, the lengths he went to, how he managed to credit after being blacklisted etc were unbelievable.

DontMeanToBeRudeBut Tue 14-May-13 21:27:24

That's exactly what I'm afraid of. I don't want to be looking back a way down the line wishing I had got rid now instead of putting up with being miserable for another five years and losing everything at the end of it.

I'm 25. I feel so incredibly old.

DontMeanToBeRudeBut Tue 14-May-13 22:52:20

Life (mine at least!) would be infinitely easier if we couldn't fall in love with anyone we shouldn't.

alittlebitcountry Tue 21-May-13 22:49:40

Hi Dont Mean, I hope you've had a better week and feel there is some light at the end of the tunnel.

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