I hope someone can help me! I have recently split from my partner - he left on Christmas Eve whilst I was at work! He took all is belongings with him and each time I have tried to talk to him he refuses, and tells me I am crazy...I'm starting to think I am. We met 5 years ago and had an intense relationship from the beginning. We were together everyday and quickly moved in together and spent most of our free time together. We both had difficult childhoods. My parents essentially split up when I was 10 and I saw them only sporadically and was brought up by my grandparents. They are sadly now deceased as is my father and my relationship with my mum is difficult. I am 37. My parent came from a broken home too but his step father was an abuse drunk and he had a very difficult childhood. Around a year ago my partner started a new job ( we are both nurses) at a hospital, in the same dept I used to work in, so I knew a lot of the staff there. We decided to keep our relationship private from them as nurses have a reputation for tittle tattle. However it back fired for me. He went to a party with the staff for a leaving do and kissed one of his colleagues...perhaps more happened I don't know. He didn't come home that night and I suspect something more happened. He denied the kiss even and when I confronted hi. And used he finally admitted it and said he had been flattered and she was young and he was surprised she had been interested in him. He said he felt awful about it and assured me it would never happen again. I forgave him but then that girl came to work at my hospital I was plagued by it every day but didn't mention it to her or to my friends as I felt so humiliated but inside I was so angry. I then found emails on our computer at home - he had to logged out. They were emails where he had solicited himself on line - with people I knew, people he trained with, people he knew from back home, strangers he had met on Facebook and were pictures of his penis and the girls vaginas/underwear shots all with revolting messages attached. I confronted him with this and he said he was sorry, that it was an afflictin from his past, that it meant nothing, that it was a way of getting some control. He promised to get help but he never did. Instead he became secretive, taking his phone in the shower with him, keeping it in his pocket, only getting it out when I was out of the room...on occasion I would see him putting it away as I walked back in. I tormented myself with what he was doing, was too embarrassed to tell my friend and instead shut myself away and worried about it constantly. I lost my self esteem and my self respect. I felt unhappy and unloved. But still I stayed. We had sex once in the last 12 months of our relationship and I got pregnant. The rest of the time I sought his approval, scared that he would leave me, I tried harder and harder to be perfect. When he was working I would often drive him to work if I was off and the tube wasn't running, essentially did his coursework for a uni module essential for any possible promotion. He repaid me by staying out all night and when I rang hi. Would ignore the phone and text me the next day to say he had stayed with friends and that I ought to have trusted him more. That I was being unreasonable and stopping him from having a life and that he was unhappy and that I needed to change. He then left me without explanation and left me devastated. I can't talk to my friend because they know I am a strong person - but I couldn't leave him as he became my family. I have read 10s of self help books, am learning a new language, have thrown yield back into work and even after all this I still feel so upset and desperately want him to come home. I am aware how pathetic this sounds, I am not a stupid woman, I have a good job, a PhD, but I just feel that if he got help we would be able to be so very happy. Please help me, I am really struggling to cope.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I always made excuses for my dh to.
Remember there grown men, responsible for there own actions.
Keep talking, it really helped me.
On bad days when I feel I just can't take anymore i tell myself I am doing it. Mind may not be 100% on job/dc but I am doing it 
Takes time, you are right to feel the way you do. They get inside your mind. Then leave you, leave you feeling like you were in the wrong!
Your not tho.
Give yourself time, and some credit.
Your holding down a job & being a dm. This alone is tough without the added stress you've had to deal with.
Your get there x
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Small steps, take it one day at a time.
I felt ashamed didn't want to tell anyone. Then slowly in my own time I started talking just a little. Then a bit more & it really helped me.
Don't blame yourself or excuse him because of his childhood.
Try and look forward & if you feel your struggling maybe consider talking to your gp.
Your get there you've come this far x
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