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Beginning to wonder if it's me?

(5 Posts)
pantsjustpants Sat 11-May-13 12:12:55

I'm sorry if this is long, background is very relevant as you'll see.

I was with my xh for 15 years. We had two dc's together. He was physically and emotionally abusive for the whole of that time. I tried to leave on many occasions but he's take the children away from me.... Eventually for my health and physical and mental safety I had to leave (in an ambulance), we had a terrible divorce and the boys decided to stay with him in the family home. Their views were taken into account due to their age, and I'd never prosecuted xh so there was no official records of the violence.

Come forward 11 years, and I've been with dh for 8 years and we have two dc together. Family is everything, he has a dd, we see my ds's and their families regularly. But I'm beginning to feel increasingly controlled, not an unfamiliar feeling for me and it's scaring me tbh. Dh has a sporting hobby which he took up 3 years ago. He trains at least twice a week, leaving me at home with the dc's, but it also leaves very little time for me to do anything. If I do more than one evening out of the house, then we'll hardly see each other. I don't get to do the main food shopping as he's become obsessed with what he's eating and apparently I spend too much and buy junk. I don't, I just see the benefit of everything in moderation and want the kids to have a healthy relationship with food. I don't want to eat what he does, I don't need to. I'm trying to lose weight but apparently I'm doing it all wrong according to him.

I feel lost, upset, let down and scared.... So much feels like how my xh was....

Roshbegosh Sat 11-May-13 12:42:32

Have you told him how you feel?

pantsjustpants Sat 11-May-13 17:15:31

Sorry, I had some shopping to do and a hair appointment.

I have tried but he gets very defensive and I've had a cracking dose of pmt so it didn't go to well!! We rarely argue, in fact we rarely disagree....but we did both.

I'll try again later. Hopefully I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

WafflyVersatile Sat 11-May-13 21:59:32

is the sporting hobby bodybuilding?

pantsjustpants Sun 12-May-13 04:15:03

No it's not. Are you thinking steroids? I'm sure he's not on anything like that. The sport he competes is heavily regulated so it's highly unlikely, plus that's not really him tbh.

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