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Relationship counseling.....come tell me about it...

(9 Posts)
Longdistance Sat 11-May-13 09:01:26

Spoke to my gp today, and burst into tears blush about my h. (He doesn't deserve a d at the moment).
Well, the gp has suggested relationship counseling between us, and some for myself.
I went to see gp about my chest infection, and my broken leg as I had surgery on it, and the wound is leaking, sorry if tmi.
Then mentioned my situation of how I've hated moving here to Oz, and it's made me miserable, and he's been rubbish in caring for me, and gp suggested that that is why my wound hasn't healed properly as I'm stressed.
She has suggested counseling for us, and to give it a couple of goes.

Has it worked for anyone? What happens I am clueless on this, how many sessions did you go for?

I'm willing to give it a go, but if he says no, is there any other options? bar leaving him, which is the last scenario

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 11-May-13 09:41:30

Relationship counselling is not suitable for everyone. I think it works best when it involves couples that want to have a successful relationship, fundamentally like and care about each other, are prepared to change and learn better ways to relate to each other, and are willing to take it seriously and apply what they are advised.

Where it really isn't going to work is where either partner doesn't think there is a problem in the first place, doesn't acknowledge there is any need for change, doesn't think there is anything they can learn, doesn't like or care enough about their partner to make the effort, and is in a position of dominance.

If you think you might be in the latter camp your options are strictly limited to what you can change for yourself. e.g. separation.

PottedPlant Sat 11-May-13 12:52:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charbon Sat 11-May-13 12:55:50

You've got a fantastic GP who had the insight to realise that your hurt is not just physical.

But from the little you say about your partner, individual counselling might be more helpful right now as well as some up-to-date legal advice about your options should the relationship fail.

Longdistance Sat 11-May-13 14:14:11

Thanks for your input.
My h is very dismissive of my feelings. He's a very selfish individual. Lets say he manipulates things so that they work out for him, and sod anyone else.
I had an issue with him the other day about something, and I said no to it, and he had a strop about it like a child, because he wasn't getting his own way.
The move to Oz was purely his idea, I was promised a lot, and none of it has amounted to anything.
He also seems to to want to discuss financial matters with me. I'm a sahm now, but was working before in the Uk, and had to give my job up because of the move. There was no, 'let's talk, what do you want to do?' It was just silence.
I feel like I've been pushed into a lot of decisions, and feel my life has been dictated to me, and my independence has been taken away from me. Bearing in mind when my h met me I was single, had my own house, career, money, car, carefree life, and now I'm a shadow of my former self.
When we moved here to Oz, I was given 'housekeeping' and an account where he put a pittance ino my account, and old question me where it all went confused After some up, and loads of downs and we'd been here over a year, he relented and we got a joint account where is wages go in now finally and I have access to money.
A month ago I slipped on the stairs and broke my leg in three places, resulting in surgery on both sides of my leg with plates and screws being fitted. I'm still not allowed to put weight onto my leg, until my physio appointment in about a months time. The way he's behaved towards me, in an uncaring, unsympathetic, and dismissive fashion has really pricked my ears up, questioning how the hell am I gonna grow old with this cold man???

Charbon Sat 11-May-13 16:06:45

I remember contributing to a thread from a woman in Oz whose husband was very obviously having an affair. Was this you by any chance as the behaviour sounds so similar?

What are the barriers to you ending this relationship?

Longdistance Sat 11-May-13 16:53:54

No that's not me, that's Mosman. She's having a worse time on another thread at the minute bless her.
Yes, if my h had an affair that really would be it. It's all the other things that are getting on my nerves. His whole dismissive attitude, like my opinions and feelings count for nothing. It's very draining.

Charbon Sat 11-May-13 17:24:28

No I wasn't confusing you with Mosman.

How do you know your husband isn't having an affair?

His behaviour fits the signs.

Do you want to end this relationship?

AthenaOnOlympus Sat 11-May-13 17:41:21

I agree with cogito, both parties must want it to make it work. It was (or still is) very good for me and dh. It was never on the cards for us to break up but we had frequent arguments and didn't want to carry on like this. Dh and I had very different upbringings (dh grew up in a dysfunctional family and was the isolated child throughout) and, starting our first home, we found it hard to adapt to each other with the 'baggage' we brought along. We have a session once every fortnight and usually talk about any arguments we have had and try to get to the bottom of our feelings and motivations. We are now in a much better place and more aware of triggers that set us off.
Your situation sounds very different though and from what you are writing I wondering whether your h would be open to cc. What does he think about your relationship?

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