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OMG..can't hold out much with a new man, terrified!!

(13 Posts)
whatshewants Fri 10-May-13 11:00:26

After a really awful break up and 20 years with a man I hardley recognise have decided to get back out there, gulp!

Its been a year since the split and for last month have been wined and dine by a nice man who is keen, as am I .

But wrong end of 40, 3 kids and carrying 2 stone more than i want, although have lost a fair bit. The idea of being intimate with a new man scares the life out of me.

Any tips other than getting blind drunk and lights off would be appriciated smile

ChasingSquirrels Fri 10-May-13 11:06:07

I had been with ex 17 years - from 19, had 2 kids, late 30's ... I was pretty scared about the whole getting naked with someone else, but when it came down to it NM and I couldn't keep our hands off each other, and I couldn't have cared less - I wanted to enjoy his body and for him to enjoy mine.

No tips, but if it is right for you then enjoy! If he cares about you he will just be happy to be with you and he won't give a stuff about the things that you think are negatives.

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 10-May-13 11:07:43

Well, don't even attempt it if you're getting pressure from him, for a start. Take your time.

But if you really want to and it's just your insecurities holding you back, be honest with him about your feelings. And accept that the first time may be awkward and you may feel vulnerable - but how he deals with those feelings, how quickly you feel at ease, how flattering and reassuring he is - these will all tell you if he is right for you or not.

Btw a month doesn't seem that long. You don't have to rush this.

Oh and don't get blind drunk but a couple of wines might be in order!

BouncyButterfly Fri 10-May-13 11:18:59

If you feel safe, emotionally, it will be a good experience. And he will probably more concerned that his bits are in full working order!

amibi Fri 10-May-13 12:48:26

I can understand why you're nervous, but you really don't have to be.

A couple of glasses of wine is a good idea, but definitely leave it there!

Don't do it to get it out of the way iyswim. Only do it when you really really want to. The best sex is when you completely let go and just go with it. You won't be thinking about those few lb's you wanted to shift beforehand and believe me he won't thinking about it either.

But if it didn't go well the first time, it doesn't matter. He might be just as nervous as you are.

Good luck, but seriously, DON'T overthink it.

killerrobot Fri 10-May-13 13:04:14

his bits are in full working order

Ugh why do people use horrible phrases like that?

amibi is right, you need to not overthink this. Don't focus on your flaws either.

JuliaScurr Fri 10-May-13 13:17:39

not wanting to generalise, but a lot of men are so happy that a woman is prepared to loosen tight clothing in their presence that they are much less judgemental about our perceived imperfections than we are.
Have fun smile

BouncyButterfly Fri 10-May-13 13:20:19

Er, because it is a 'phrase', because its what a lot men worry about , and because I didn't think I had to spend a long time thinking of how to put it before the semantics police got me (sigh)

aPseudonymToFoolHim Fri 10-May-13 13:25:40

I would say - Don't set a date to dtd, (as someone upthread said, don't just do it to get it out of the way) it will put enormous pressure on you. Just get carried away in the moment and do it when it feels right for you.

And he'll probably be as worried about being naked in front of you!
He'll mind about any imperfections in you as you mind about his. No-one is perfect! smile

2cats2many Fri 10-May-13 13:26:28

If you are worried about being naked in front of him, how about investing in a nice nightie/ slip to help with your body confidence?
Something like this

AuntieStella Fri 10-May-13 13:27:36

I'd suggest the opposite of setting a date to do it, and instead decide you really aren't going to. Then you only will if overcome by lust, at which point the minor details of appearance just won't be on your mind.

differentnameforthis Fri 10-May-13 13:27:50

Bouncy, there was noting wrong with what you said!

BouncyButterfly Fri 10-May-13 13:29:56

Thanks different!
Op, hope its great when it happens

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