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Do you and your DH/DP go to bed at the sane time?

(53 Posts)
NothingsLeft Thu 09-May-13 19:33:07

And do you feel it's important?

DH never comes to bed at the same time as me and I feel like it effects our relationship. I always ask him to come when I go but he never does. He stays up watching crap in telly or using the Internet.

I am in bed quite early as DS is a terrible sleeper and quite likely to wake at least twice and it's the only way I can cope. I can't remember the last time we went to bed at the same time. I don't know why it bothers me it just does hmm

Gillian1980 Fri 10-May-13 14:42:36

We usually go to bed at the same time as we like to lie and chat for a while before we read, have sex or sleep.

Though fairly often one of us (more often me) will go up first, but that's usually ro read rather than to go to sleep. So we'll both be awake together before settling down for the night.

gemdrop84 Fri 10-May-13 14:37:15

Only at the weekend and in the holidays. Ds is 14wks and not a great sleeper, I normally get up with him in night. Go up at about 9pm, read or watch tv. Do feel it is quite important as we don't have much time together. 2 nights a wk he has band practice and he's a teacher so spends a few hours a night marking and preparing lessons. Like it when we go to bed together as we normally cuddle up and talk.

cory Fri 10-May-13 09:23:08

We used to, but dh has a new job and has to get up at 4.45 in the morning, which means going to bed at 9. That is my best working time and I really would suffer if I had to sacrifice that.

My mum and dad are totally incompatible when it comes to bedtimes: he wants to be up and having lively conversations at 5.30 in the morning and is snoring in a chair by 9, she feels sick if she has to talk or think before 8 a.m. and is at her liveliest and most sociable about the time he goes to bed. It takes a fair bit of tolerance to run a marriage like that, but they have managed it.

cuillereasoupe Fri 10-May-13 08:26:35

Never. He works nights, goes to bed usually between four and five and is up between eleven and midday. It's a bit of a PITA but it's the nature of his job, so there's not much I can do about it.

OrWellyAnn Fri 10-May-13 07:49:52

Inchoccy, glad it is not just us! smile I'd find it so hard to share with anyone now...I sometimes wonder if that's sad, but not sure I care if it is! smile

OrWellyAnn Fri 10-May-13 07:47:22

We do, but we don't sleep in the same room, so it doesn't really make a difference. This suits me for the moment as I usually have at least nice dc snuggling in in the early hours and I also need to read before sleeping and he hates the light pollution from that.
I actually prefer this arrangement, though I think he would eventually like us to share the bed I think he also enjoyed having his own space and sleeping well.
We still have as much sex as before.

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 07:27:17

Agreed but I certainly made it easy for him and would be loathed to be that trusting again unfortunately

Xmasbaby11 Fri 10-May-13 06:46:13

We do. We are both owls and go to bed about midnight. It's a lovely time for chatting and I feel very close to him. It was a bit more varied when DD was tiny and awake in the night, in the first few months. I think I would be sad if we didn't have that time together.

We do go to bed too late though and make each other worse, so sometimes I think it would be good if one of us was a morning person!

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Fri 10-May-13 06:39:46

At the weekend we usually do, but rarely during the week. I need more sleep.

rubyrubyruby Fri 10-May-13 06:38:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Fri 10-May-13 06:31:54

Mos, he'd have still found a way sad

Meringue33 Fri 10-May-13 05:00:48

Nope. I go to bed early he stays up late. Before DC we used to DTD on Weekend mornings or early eve on sofa. Now we have LO (4 months) I am not sure how we will ever fit if in...

SummerDad Fri 10-May-13 04:37:57

different times, but then we sleep in separate rooms smile

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 04:31:58

Mine used to sit up half the night on the Internet, which led to him driving 600 miles to fuck one of them. Oh if I could go back in time he'd be coming to bed at 11 every night with me

inchoccyheaven Thu 09-May-13 22:45:15

wow I actually feel normal now as I thought most couples were going to say yes and not only do me and DH not go to bed at same time we have separate rooms. Originally because of my snoring but as he has always got up about 5am for work and I work evenings it suits us much better.

Sex did suffer but now dc are pre teens its almost easier as they seem to know that if I go into DH room not to bother knocking blush and we do it a lot more now and take advantage when they go out as well.

NothingsLeft Thu 09-May-13 20:54:32

May be its part of the having young kids thing hoot DS is 13 months, so still little.

Things have changed so much in our relationship in the last year I guess I miss how we used to be. The odd bedtime snuggle would be nice. I hope you get yours smile

KitchenandJumble Thu 09-May-13 20:48:57

No, almost never. He's a night owl, I'm an early bird. I really enjoy that time in the evenings on my own, winding down, reading in bed. If DH comes into the bedroom to talk to me during that time, I'm not always best pleased. He stays up for several more hours, watching TV, reading, writing.

I don't think it affects our emotional connection or sex life. We just prefer it this way.

NothingsLeft Thu 09-May-13 20:44:53

I don't want to go to bed together every night as I quite like having time to myself. Occasionally it would be nice, just to reconnect a bit or may be its not as important as I thought..confused

HootShoot Thu 09-May-13 20:44:21

They do sound similar! I hope your DS gets the sleeping through thing soon, I have always told myself it can't possibly last forever! This thread has made me realise how much I want things to change, so thank you for starting it. I think I'll talk to DH this weekend and say it would be nice if we could go to bed together a couple of times a week.

PosyNarker Thu 09-May-13 20:42:35

We don't always but I would prefer when we do (other than when it makes no sense like e.g. I need to be up at 0430 for a flight). I think I am a bit sensitive about this because I broke up with an ex and one of the things that signalled the beginning of the end was when we stopped going to bed at the same time.

That said, I need (genuinely) more sleep than he does or I get cranky. I don't sleep more than the next person, but he can get by on less.

Squitten Thu 09-May-13 20:38:12

During the week, we often don't. DH's social stuff generally takes place on weekday evenings with work people or friends in the middle of town, he often works late, etc. I'm pregnant and am generally zonked out by 10pm. If DH is home, we generally do go to bed at the same time and definitely on weekends.

Lavenderhoney Thu 09-May-13 20:36:14

No way! He works most evenings and gets in about midnight.

If he is home, then I go first as I like to read and we don't have a tv in the bedroom, I don't like it.

If I do wait up, then he will usually watch a bit of TV/ do emails then bed.

The dc wake in the night and I have to get up with them, plus they are up at 6. I am knackered enough without staying up.

NothingsLeft Thu 09-May-13 20:33:13

Before DS we went to bed together. I was a night owl midnight owl but I'm knackered these days so head up for 10pm

GibberTheMonkey Thu 09-May-13 20:30:48

Very rarely
We keep each other awake if we do and it's not good.

NothingsLeft Thu 09-May-13 20:27:14

hoot our lives sound similar. I'm envious but pleased about the sleep throughssmile May be I should embrace a more interesting sex life too....

AF he does do his fair share of nights now (after my PND breakdown). He expects to sleep in though while I get up with DS.

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