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(4 Posts)
ClodiaF Thu 09-May-13 14:14:29

DP and I haven't had sex for a year and 5 days, since I was about 4 months pregnant with DS (now 6 1/2 months). When I say no sex I mean he hasn't so much as touched me in any way that could be construed as sexual all that time, though he does show me physical affection in other ways. He said he didn't feel comfortable with the idea of doing it while I was pregnant, which I accepted though sometimes I would have liked to, tbh. Since then we have talked about it only once, just after DS was born, when my understanding was we'd start again when the time was right. Nothing has happened and I'm getting increasingly worried that it hasn't (and frustrated) :-! I've dropped hints but he hasn't taken them and I don't know how to try and start a conversation about it. I've pretty much got my pre-baby body back now, though I am still breast feeding - wondering if that has something to do with it? I just feel he doesn't fancy me any more and a bit down at the loss of this side of our relationship. Did anyone else go this long after DCs? Did it recover? What did you do? (sorry a bit long and if in wrong section: I couldn't find anything suitable under the Babies threads!)

GirlWiththeLionHeart Thu 09-May-13 15:03:13

You need to try and start a conversation about it, however awkward. It needs addressing.

Just be casual about it, maybe over dinner just say how you miss the intimacy with him, ask him if he does too? Might get him to open up

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 09-May-13 18:31:21

I think, if hints aren't working, you need a proper grown-up conversation along the lines of 'what happened to us, we used to enjoy sex, how do we get back to that because I miss it...' No point just waiting and hoping.

I'm worried that you talk about your pre-baby body because that suggests you think he'd be turned off by a few bumps and lumps. If he was thinking that way it would make him very shallow. Don't let his rejection damage your self-esteem

MolotovCocktail Thu 09-May-13 20:47:53

It could be that his perception of you has changed; that he views you as 'mother' at the moment. He might not be able to see you in the same way as before you were pg. Maybe even his perception of himself has changed since the pregnancy/birth/parenthood.

It could be that he has become so used to not dtd, that he doesn't remember how it initiate it, how to approach you. He might be concerned about your feelings and not putting pressure on you.

I agree that you shouldn't let this become damaging to your self esteem, as the problem - whatever it is - is his, not yours.

You need to just honestly say how much you miss sex and want to get back to how you once were.

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