Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Arguing about housework

(51 Posts)
orangeandemons Thu 09-May-13 13:08:41

I am so sick of squabbling with dh about housework. He is much much more house proud than me. I was bought up to believe there is always something better to do than housework. It was not a priority when I was little. I am not a slob, I can be untidy, but I can't stand clutter. It usually gets to the point where I will blitz when I can,t stand it any more.

I work 3 days a week. I used to do 4 but the job I do is very stressful, and after 6 months off with stress last year I dropped to 3.

I clean nearly all of the house on one of my days off ( it is a big house). However dh is constantly accusing me of not doing anything, or things like it only takes 3 hours to clean up. He is always sniping and digging about it. I intensely dislike housework, but I do it. He is much more obsessive about cleaness than me. What bothers him, doesn't even get on my radar, but I am not scruffy or slobby. He does really irritating things such as, if I forget to take my cup out of a room, he deliberately leaves it there until I remember it. When I am clearing up, I just pick up all random cups etc, I don't even notice who's cups they are. I aWays drink skimmed milk. If I forget to take the empty bottle,out of the fridge, he will never move it, whereas I just take any empty bottles out when I remember or see them

Last weekend, dd was paddling. She trailed muddy footprints into the kitchen. He went ballistic. I was like Wtf? They will clean up. Dd was really upset. I have told him hundreds of times that I hate this side of him, but he is getting worse and worse. I feel like I am constantly jumpy in case he picks up n something and it is really pissing me off

JennyMakkers Thu 09-May-13 20:06:29

You can train him to show you respect. But his attitude might get worse before it gets better. Tell him that you will be doing no more than 50% from now on, NO more. And possible less than 50% if your efforts aren't appreciated. When he criticises, or tuts, or sighs, this all counts too. Do you do the shopping. do you wash the clothes? do you do the real coalface childcare at the weekends? It's very likely being a typical man that he doesn't SEE this. The only way he'll SEE it is if it doesn't get done. He won't hear your words. To him that just sounds like the inevitable white noise you would come out with when he vocalises his observations (as he sees them).

You can 'train' a man to do more housework but not with WORDS. You having fairness on your side, appealing to him to listen to your reasoned logical arguments............ that is white noise. And by the way, the skirting boards are filthy :-|

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now