I am so sick of squabbling with dh about housework. He is much much more house proud than me. I was bought up to believe there is always something better to do than housework. It was not a priority when I was little. I am not a slob, I can be untidy, but I can't stand clutter. It usually gets to the point where I will blitz when I can,t stand it any more.
I work 3 days a week. I used to do 4 but the job I do is very stressful, and after 6 months off with stress last year I dropped to 3.
I clean nearly all of the house on one of my days off ( it is a big house). However dh is constantly accusing me of not doing anything, or things like it only takes 3 hours to clean up. He is always sniping and digging about it. I intensely dislike housework, but I do it. He is much more obsessive about cleaness than me. What bothers him, doesn't even get on my radar, but I am not scruffy or slobby. He does really irritating things such as, if I forget to take my cup out of a room, he deliberately leaves it there until I remember it. When I am clearing up, I just pick up all random cups etc, I don't even notice who's cups they are. I aWays drink skimmed milk. If I forget to take the empty bottle,out of the fridge, he will never move it, whereas I just take any empty bottles out when I remember or see them
Last weekend, dd was paddling. She trailed muddy footprints into the kitchen. He went ballistic. I was like Wtf? They will clean up. Dd was really upset. I have told him hundreds of times that I hate this side of him, but he is getting worse and worse. I feel like I am constantly jumpy in case he picks up n something and it is really pissing me off
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Arguing about housework
orangeandemons · 09/05/2013 13:08
Your partner should not be 'going ballistic' with you over anything at all, let alone housework. The way you describe it he's being over-critical, offensive, and that thing about leaving cups until you notice.... 
... that's just childish. He isn't houseproud at all, he's a controlling bully. If he wants to live in a very, very tidy house and if he wants to live with you and be part of a family, he should respect you enough not to 'go ballistic' about chores but find a better solution instead. A cleaner for example. However, my guess is that this is is he quite likes having this stick to beat you with.... and it has nothing to do with house tidiness at all.
He went ballistic at dd not me. He wouldn't go ballistic at me, because I would have retaliated.
I totally ignore the cup thing, in fact sometimes I deliberately leave them to build up until there are about 5 or 6. I am just trying to clarify what his problem is, or trying to find out if it's me not caring enough.
I think I need more context to decide what's going on here. I could easily agree with the other posters, but at the same time, your comments that things "aren't on your radar" and you just "blitz" when it gets too much, could paint a different picture. No way would I take another person's cup out of the living room for them, for example. My DC did that for themselves even as very small children. If you only clean up when you feel it really needs doing, how long might that cup be left there? A few hours? No big deal. A few days? I'd be hopping mad.
Likewise, no way would I put an empty bottle back in the fridge expecting someone else to deal with it. 
If this is just a case of very different standards and expectations, you need to discuss it and reach a compromise where he lowers his and you raise yours. If, he's nitpicking in other respects though, it's very relevant to how you handle this situation.
Exactly Dahlen.
I also was a bit as to why you would put an empty milk bottle back in the fridge. Stuff like that over time does become irritating
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Ancient
. I do it to wind him up. Surely this is a totally adult and appropriate response?. Anyway, I pick his up, so I think he's being petty leaving mine.
I don't like game playing, but unless you can talk about this and rationally find a solution, I suggest gathering up all his stuff that he refused to acknowledge and putting it on his bed. He can't avoid acknowledging it then, and if he accuses you of not giving him time to put it away himself, you calmly point out "but I gave you the same amount of time you give me before moaning about my cup being left on the side", etc.
He's being unreasonable about your DD. I'd have been a bit annoyed too, and I'd have said about wiping her feet before trailing mud through the kitchen, I'd have also made her clear it up (not in a harsh punishment kind of way, but a "come on, you've made a mess, let's clear it up" way). I certainly would not have ranted and upset her. I'd also have left a towel on the floor by the back door to prompt her and so avoid the situation in the first place... 
which he might want to think about if it matters to him that much.
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